AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

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Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

You know how much you love breastfeeding? Well the baby feels that way too, but a billion % more.

Truth is, you are still the centre of the baby’s universe and everyone else is currently a blurry backdrop. This will change soon, as she gets more interested in the rest of the world, but don’t feel guilty that she adores you so much that everyone else seems dull.

Trust me it doesn’t last forever 🥲

You are not being precious and you never have to give your child formula if you don't want to. It is unfair of anyone else to put pressure on you about this. I experienced it with my MIL, she complained about not getting to feed my baby. It's bizarre and honestly, I think there is an element of jealousy. The weaning (onto solids) will be a long process so your partner should be prepared for that. We started at 6 months and it took 2/3 months for her to really show an interest in solids (She is 2 now she eats A LOT!) You are doing a fantastic job!

It's great that combi feeding works for you, but why should someone who is happy breastfeeding introduce bottles/formula if they don't want to? DC2 never took a bottle and I don't really get why it's a necessity? Both my kids were awful sleepers regardless of how they were fed anyway so I'm not sure why combi feeding would have made a difference.

There is a window of opportunity for weaning ….if you miss it ( as in don’t give solids until 1 year) then you are lining your child up for a lifetime of eating issues…..you sound quite ignorant

@DistantSkye this is exactly what I was thinking. There is no specific benefit to combi-feeding over EBF unless it works for you and your baby and feels the right fit in which case🙌 I had to combi-feed with my first because of challenges with breastfeeding and I hated it, I desperately wanted to EBF. Fortunately I was able to EBF my second and I feel incredibly lucky.

😭😭😭😭. This is so true too.

So, basically, all the adults in this situation (apart from yourself) feel a bit boohoo because they want to do something that makes them feel better…? Ie it would be nice for them to feed her…. Rather than noticing how beneficial it is for the baby to be exclusively breastfed?? How about they change their position and support you to continue to breastfeed as long as is right for the baby and you… sorry if I sound rude about them but I had a similar-ish situation and even though my daughter is in school now, I still remember it all very clearly!

to be fair I feel for your husband - it can be hard for men when their baby only settles with mum/boob etc., they can feel inadequate and not good enough. But it doesn’t mean you should have to breastfeed your daughter less than is what feels right just because he’s got emotions to deal with. He’s a big boy, you baby is a baby!

there are so many other ways to bond with a baby! My daughter was breastfed and never took a bottle (did try a couple of times but she hated it so we stopped bothering) and I fed her until she was 3 (which I never intended, it was just the way it went). She has an amazing relationship with her dad and other family members, despite only being fed by me for the first 6 months and mainly by me for the subsequent 6 until she was really eating loads.

Keep going, as she starts to eat more she’ll become less reliant on you. My husband just put our 10 month old to sleep, I’d say I did every put down until she was 9.5 months because she fed to sleep.

Things will change fast in the next few months so stay as you are, it’ll change naturally.

I didn’t understand this either. Solids are coming in which is a fun, interesting stage without formula ever needing to come into it. Watching a baby try new foods is a joy to watch.

Still think it very odd the focus on food when babies at this stage are a bit more mobile and interested in the world around them.

I had this same pressure from DH’s family, it was all about what THEY wanted and how I DEPRIVED them of bonding with the baby because she wouldn’t take a bottle. I am so, SO glad I stuck my ground and carried on breastfeeding. I didn’t deprive anyone of my child, I would feed her and then she got passed around. I swear some people are right morons!! No one should be involved to that extent. You do you!
Your husband can STFU too, you’re saving him a lot of money.

Also, I think it’s important that even while they’re weaning, breast milk is the best option, for loads of reasons! And directly from the breast is the ‘gold standard’, so maybe mention that to people if you feel pressured into reducing your feeds.

Just for the record - I am ABSOLUTELY not against bottle feeding either formula or expressed milk - I am all for feeding in the right way for each individual baby and family situation. But in the majority of cases breast milk is better for babies, so if it’s working and you want to carry on, do it!!

'Well it's not what my HV said. Milk is more important than food till 1. Food is only to taste. Milk is the main source'

Milk is important but food is too. Iron stores drop quite dramatically after 6 months and need to be topped up with food. Learning to chew properly is vital for speech development. Exposure to foodstuffs at the earliest safe age may reduce potential allergic reactions. Food before one is not just for fun, it's essential that children are encouraged to wean and get a wide variety of textures and nutrients.

Sounds like they are all putting you under alot of pressure and being incredibly unsupportive! They should be praising and appreciating your achievement with and committment to breastfeeding as its not easy especially when babies don't sleep much at night.Perhaps your husband could give her expressed feeds in a bottle during the night for awhile...then watch how quickly he changes his tune and sings the praises of breastfeeding 🤣

You are being anything but selfish, you are being a devoted mum to your baby and THEY are the selfish ones for putting their own emotional needs/wants above your baby's.There are plenty of other ways to bond other than through feeding anyway.

You're doing great...keep doing what your doing and tell your DH he needs to be more supportive and realise what an amazing thing your doing for your little one 👏

Depends on the child. Both mine ate loads of food by about 8 months. They start to need more iron than is in milk at some point. I was iron deficient in pregnancy and always wonder whether that's why they ate well early on.

That why I added at the end that obviously every baby is different and it's each to their own. If the OP partner isn't feeling that involved then combination feeding might be nice to consider for their sake aswell. Both partners should be able to feel a bond with their baby.

I BF both of mine until they were around 2 years old and never got on with expressing as I found it just took too long, was too difficult and I didn't have time and it messed up my supply because I didn't have the time to sit down regularly enough to do it. When it got to the stage of their grandma having them for a few hours when they were about 12 months old then they started to have cows milk from a cup which worked perfectly.

There is so little understanding and so many myths which get spouted about breastfeeding in this country and most health providers aren't hugely knowledgable either. Your baby isn't necessarily hungry - more likely to be comfort feeding in the night or even just thirsty. They grow out of this really soon and you can always introduce stickers and rewards if they're still waking when they're a bit older. If you're comfortable with the way things are then I don't see why you need to change for other people.

The number of people who have suggested to express more but nobody has mentioned about the supply/demand issue and even the fact that breast milk changes hugely in its composition throughout the day with three times the amount of cortisol (the alert hormone) in morning milk to the milk produced in the evening. You make the perfect amount of milk for your baby and they stimulate from you the amount they need. If they need more milk, you make more milk and it's not like there is a limited supply. The milk also changes all the time totally tailored to your baby at that time. I found it incredible that my immune system effectively supported theirs for the first few years of their lives passing on antibodies as I made them in reaction to viruses and things in our immediate environment while their immune system was still developing.

Expressing is slow, laborious, boring and an inefficient use of time if you don't have to do it. It can help if you are back at work and need to relieve pain in your breasts or to keep your supply up while you're away from your baby but to do it just for someone else to have a go at feeding seems really silly - you still have to spend the time sat down getting the milk out (in a sometimes painful, much slower way and you're uncomfortable while doing it) just so that someone else can put it in a bottle and give it to your baby - much quicker and more efficient to just spend the time letting the baby get the milk out themselves as they're much better and faster than a machine and it's exactly what your baby needs right then in its composition. Let the rest of your family bond with your baby in other ways.

6 months old is still so tiny so I really don't think you should be pressurised into doing something you don't feel comfortable with. It will be no time before they can have cows milk from a cup and there's loads of ways to bond.

A clearly you misunderstood your HV….for a start,your baby needs to learn to chew before one….maybe do some research 🙄

I had these comments and issues around the same age.
my daughter is 15 months now and I didn’t give up breastfeeding.
yes i still breastfeed to sleep and when she wakes.
but dad persevered and he can also get her to sleep if needed.
she naps with him through the day and their bond is lovely.
if you give up breastfeeding for your husband or parents you will regret it.
it either needs to be for you or for your baby or to benefit both of you.

a bottle of formula doensnt mean that they Will sleep through- it just means when they wake for a feed you have to actually make a bottle and get out of bed.

my daughter hasn’t had a sleepover yet and im happy about it.
I love the bond that we have and in my opinion she can never be too attached, I’m her mum I want her to be attached to me

OP if breastfeeding is working for you then carry on as you are, the benefits for your baby and your bond with your baby are huge and it isn’t doesn’t matter what other family members think. Only possible caveat is that as you can express a bottle of milk from time to time (and not everyone EBF can) it may benefit you as well as your husband to carry on doing so, because a) it might allow you to have longer blocks of uninterrupted sleep at a time when you’re feeling particularly exhausted and b) if you are going back to work in a few months time it will make life much easier.

From the World Health Organisation: "Breastmilk continues to provide half or more of a child’s nutritional needs during the second half of the first year, and up to one third during the second year of life."

My youngest was a bugger to wean and very headstrong and my health visitor said the same to me. She wasn't concerned at all and said it was fine for most of their nutrients to still come from breast milk up until one and so long as she was offered lots of variety of solids and we made it interesting and fun, she'd soon wean when she was ready. I did end up going away for the night when she was coming up to three as she was still insistent on a night feed before going to sleep just to finally get her off breast feeding.

She's pretty much grown up now and loves her food and is a right foodie and always looking up new recipes and trying new things.

Absolutely don’t give up before you’re ready. I stopped bf dd1 at 14 months because she was waking up regularly in the night and feeding for a long time on and off. It didn’t seem like she was getting much milk. We tried cows milk in a bottle then (she’d been having formula/cows milk at nursery) and she slept better. I’m still feeding dd2 at almost 2 and no plans to stop yet. DH bonded with her by playing, reading, feeding solids and they have a great relationship. Sorry you’re feeling pressured.

YABU. Just express your milk and make everyone's lives easier.

Respectfully, this is a load of nonsense 😂😂

Keep breastfeeding! Sounds like you want to. You don't need to please anyone else. Listen to your instinct, keep going for as long as you want

I think bonding with other family members will have longer term benefits than continuing with ebf. Especially now she’s at weaning age.

I bf my children but I also saw the joy and mutual love they have with the wider family because we let our ‘village’ raise them too. They are young adults now and our family gatherings are like those idyllic adverts you see of joyful multi-generational Italian gathering. The bf is long forgotten.