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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

299 replies

closingtime101 · 02/02/2023 17:00

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 02/02/2023 21:49

Nowthenhere · 02/02/2023 18:08

Babies have absolutely no biological or emotional need for anyone except their birthing mum.
Everyone else could be there to support mum. Once your child is over 3 years old there will be plenty of opportunities for them to bond with a child without you if you choose.
This should be about the benefits of the baby and not the adults.

How utterly ridiculous.

Cileymyrus · 02/02/2023 21:49

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 21:38

YABU. Just express your milk and make everyone's lives easier.

Who’s lives will it make easier?

not the o/p’s.

why should she make her own life harder because other people want her to faff around taking 3 times longer to do something she can do in minutes, because of some misguided idea that she is being selfish keeping all the feeds to herself.

bugger that. They can bond with the baby in ways that actually help.

crocusfocus · 02/02/2023 21:49

@custardbear - umm.. the mother is being selfish because she doesn't let others bond with her baby by breastfeeding?!

She is the mother. The numero uno. The bond the baby has with the mum (who breastfeeds/bottle feds /whatever) is the blueprint for their emotional security for the rest. Of. Their. Lives.

PollyPut · 02/02/2023 21:50

I can't see any reason that you need to change. I also suspect that she might not take a bottle from you so it would be very hard to bottle feed her yourself.

Naturally and over time, she will start to eat more food. She will be interested in the colours and textures.

I would just tell them all to give it time.

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 21:50

Cileymyrus · 02/02/2023 21:49

Who’s lives will it make easier?

not the o/p’s.

why should she make her own life harder because other people want her to faff around taking 3 times longer to do something she can do in minutes, because of some misguided idea that she is being selfish keeping all the feeds to herself.

bugger that. They can bond with the baby in ways that actually help.

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She's already making her life harder tbh.

Cileymyrus · 02/02/2023 21:55

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 21:50

She's already making her life harder tbh.

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How is she making her life harder?

by breastfeeding? At this stage it’s quick and easy, and a lot less hassle than washing and making up bottles. Definitely a lot less hassle than piddling around with pumping and feeding the milk from a bottle, when you can just feed from source.

lifeinthehills · 02/02/2023 22:01

You baby is only six months old. This won't last forever. I exclusively breastfed all of mine and it hasn't interfered with their ability to have bonds with other members of the family over time at all. In the end, this will be a very short stage of your life in the big picture. Other people will just have to wait to get their babysitting 'fix' until your baby is a bit older.

Scottishskifun · 02/02/2023 22:02

UWhatNow · 02/02/2023 21:47

I think bonding with other family members will have longer term benefits than continuing with ebf. Especially now she’s at weaning age.

I bf my children but I also saw the joy and mutual love they have with the wider family because we let our ‘village’ raise them too. They are young adults now and our family gatherings are like those idyllic adverts you see of joyful multi-generational Italian gathering. The bf is long forgotten.

Other family members can bond with baby though they just need to find their own way!

Both my children have a amazing strong bond with their dad DS1 is a huge daddies boy and has been since about 12 months. He was bf til 22 months. My husband (and my parents) found other ways to settle to bond and to comfort.

This concept that to bond the OP has to give up bf is nonsense!

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 22:22

SnackSizeRaisin · 02/02/2023 21:07

Depends on the child. Both mine ate loads of food by about 8 months. They start to need more iron than is in milk at some point. I was iron deficient in pregnancy and always wonder whether that's why they ate well early on.

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My son is on 3 meals a day plus snacks. But I still breastfeed him 11 times in 24 hours. He's nearly 10 months.

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 22:23

kitcat15 · 02/02/2023 21:16

A clearly you misunderstood your HV….for a start,your baby needs to learn to chew before one….maybe do some research 🙄

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Obviously 🙄 but milk is their main source of food

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 22:25

kitcat15 · 02/02/2023 20:36

There is a window of opportunity for weaning ….if you miss it ( as in don’t give solids until 1 year) then you are lining your child up for a lifetime of eating issues…..you sound quite ignorant

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You have no fucking clue. My son has been on solids since 5.5 months but gets more boobie.

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 22:27

MeinKraft · 02/02/2023 21:04

'Well it's not what my HV said. Milk is more important than food till 1. Food is only to taste. Milk is the main source'

Milk is important but food is too. Iron stores drop quite dramatically after 6 months and need to be topped up with food. Learning to chew properly is vital for speech development. Exposure to foodstuffs at the earliest safe age may reduce potential allergic reactions. Food before one is not just for fun, it's essential that children are encouraged to wean and get a wide variety of textures and nutrients.

I know that but milk is their main source of food. My son had priobotics so gets all his vitamins. He's on 3 meals a day plus snacks but gets more milk which he's supposed to. He can have as much as he wants tbf. Every day varies. He's been on solids since 5.5 months

Oopswediditagain2023 · 02/02/2023 22:30

Carry on BFing. The formula fed babies I know all sleep terribly!! Everyone else will just have to deal with it.

Thisthattheother1 · 02/02/2023 22:33

Ignore that poster @MeinKraft @kitcat15 I’m starting to think it’s a weirdo with a breastfeeding obsession rather than an actual breastfeeding mum. If you search them their entire mumsnet posts are going on and on about breastfeeding and making lots of odd comments 🤢

Emmamoo89 · 02/02/2023 22:35

On the NHS website.

When to start introducing solid foods
Introducing your baby to solid foods, sometimes called complementary feeding or weaning, should start when your baby is around 6 months old.

At the beginning, how much your baby eats is less important than getting them used to the idea of eating.

They'll still be getting most of their energy and nutrients from breast milk or first infant formula.

Giving your baby a variety of foods, alongside breast or formula milk, from around 6 months of age will help set your child up for a lifetime of healthier eating.

Gradually, you'll be able to increase the amount and variety of food your baby eats until they can eat the same foods as the rest of the family, in smaller portions.

Breast milk or infant formula should be their main drink during the first year. Do not give them whole cows' (or goats' or sheep's) milk as a drink until they're 1 year old.

You can continue breastfeeding for as long as you both want.

Leaves1 · 02/02/2023 22:57

Breast feed for as long as you want and check World Health Organisation views. La leche league is a group of breast feeding mums like NCT., whi are fun and supportive

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/02/2023 23:10

Carry on unless you want to change anything. I BF my two for two years each. With my eldest I had to go back to work before she was 6 months and it was hard getting milk into her from a bottle or sippy cup at first but she did adapt. After about 8 months I was struggling to express enough so she had the odd bottle of formula if I wasn't there but I carried on BF most of the time. I thought by then she was eating lots of foods so formula was just another of those. Don't let anyone pressure you for their own selfish gain.

Mumtobe2023 · 02/02/2023 23:20

custardbear · 02/02/2023 17:09

Whilst I agree bf is beneficial, I think it's time to let others bond too. You could express more, and you could let others be more involved, and personally I'd say it's a bit selfish to make excuses. Express and have sone 'you time' so others can have sone baby time too

Totally agree with this!

Whydoitry · 02/02/2023 23:25

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 21:38

YABU. Just express your milk and make everyone's lives easier.

Loads of people can't "just" express their milk. I tried. Practically nothing came out. It's not unusual.

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 23:33

Whydoitry · 02/02/2023 23:25

Loads of people can't "just" express their milk. I tried. Practically nothing came out. It's not unusual.

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That's unfortunate for you.

However breast pumps work on the vast majority.

Chimna · 02/02/2023 23:42

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 23:33

That's unfortunate for you.

However breast pumps work on the vast majority.

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I think 99% of people who have used them agree that are a huge faff.

Suprima · 02/02/2023 23:46

The calls to express to make everyone else happy just remind me of Alanis from the handmaid’s tale

Suprima · 02/02/2023 23:47

BabyOnBoard90 · 02/02/2023 23:33

That's unfortunate for you.

However breast pumps work on the vast majority.

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Can you explain your previous post about how expressing would make everyone’s lives easier? I don’t understand

like how?

how does it make everyone else’s life easier?

Changingmynameyetagain · 02/02/2023 23:59

I EBF my 3 dc, ds1 wouldn’t even entertain the idea of a bottle, absolutely hated the things.

DH would bond with the children by doing bath time and story time, that was their thing together and it carried on long after I stopped BF them.
I would take that time for a shower or watching a bit of TV on my own.

MargotChateau · 03/02/2023 00:00

Don’t mess with a good thing. I’m extremely jealous, I combi feed, as my newborn struggles with breast feeding for a variety of reasons, so at night I have to top up with formula when they get too frustrated to bf which then in turn upsets their tummy and gives them terrible wind.

Your parents and partner are putting their wants over the baby’s need. They are being ridiculous.