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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is anyone else afraid of breastfeeding?

156 replies

flawless29 · 02/02/2023 11:28

I faced a difficult decision at week 34 of pregnancy, after investing hours researching and thinking about breastfeeding. Initially, I felt strongly that I did not want to breastfeed, which may seem immature, but it was my genuine and honest feeling.

I spoke with my midwife about the benefits of breastfeeding for both me and my baby. Logically this made perfect sense to me. Yet emotionally, thought of breastfeeding made me feel awkward and shy – so much so that I didn't even want anyone else in the room when feeding.

On the other hand, formula-feeding came with its own worries such as not being able to provide the best nutrition for my baby or missing out on certain experiences only available through breastfeeding.

The majority of my family is preoccupied with work or school making it hard for me to discuss this difficult decision with someone close by. Feeling isolated, I wondered if I was too selfish if I decided not to breastfeed and go for formula-milk instead?

OP posts:
Wtafis · 02/02/2023 11:30

It’s not selfish. Do what’s right for you and baby.

I breastfed one baby, formula fed another. The benefits exist but they are marginal.

that said if I had a choice with a third baby I would Bf. It’s easier

what aspect of bf frightens you?

DealOrNoelsDeal · 02/02/2023 11:30

Not selfish at all. You do you. Evidence base for breastfeeding is a bit shakey now anyway, breast milk is full of forever chemicals. Do whatever you think is right for you.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:31

To say you’re over thinking this would be a massive understatement.

Breastfeed, don’t breastfeed, but either way own your choice and don’t feel any guilt. You are not answerable to anyone!

BertieBotts · 02/02/2023 11:32

There is nothing morally wrong with formula feeding, if you want to, go for it.

OTOH you could always give it a try - what do you have to lose if it doesn't feel right?

35965a · 02/02/2023 11:32

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:31

To say you’re over thinking this would be a massive understatement.

Breastfeed, don’t breastfeed, but either way own your choice and don’t feel any guilt. You are not answerable to anyone!

100% ^^

mummyh2016 · 02/02/2023 11:32

It's not selfish. I really wanted to bf my DD, went to classes, read up on loads. I gave birth and I didn't want to. So I didn't. Then with my second I bf only in hospital (I was only kept in for 6 hours) then switched to FF. Don't let it get you down. Just see how you feel when baby is here.

RoomOfRequirement · 02/02/2023 11:33

Absolutely not selfish. I'm sorry you've been made to feel this way by some.

I've been unsuccessfully TTC for over a decade, but even if I'm ever lucky enough for it to happen, I'm going to FF. Enjoy your baby, and know that they will be happy, healthy and thrive on formula.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:33

Oh great, here comes the absolute bollocks that is trotted out on breastfeeding threads.

WTF are ‘forever chemicals’.

If we are gonna talk about comparisons of the two - well, there IS no comparison and the benefits of BF over FF are most certainly not marginal. That is true - but it’s also true that FF is a perfectly valid and safe choice. But let’s not do our intelligence a disservice by pretending they’re basically the same.

Sistanotcista · 02/02/2023 11:35

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:31

To say you’re over thinking this would be a massive understatement.

Breastfeed, don’t breastfeed, but either way own your choice and don’t feel any guilt. You are not answerable to anyone!

Totally agree. The best piece of advice I received when pregnant was "Have confidence in your decisions as a mother." This is your body, your choice. If anyone questions it, simply say, "That's the decision I've made." We don't have to justify every decision. Good luck with your baby

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:35

I always advise when people are conflicted - give BF a chance but if you find it a struggle or difficult, and it’s too much for you (which it may be when you’re sore and knackered and navigating a new dynamic) then just move on to formula, don’t feel guilty, and acknowledged that you tried! But the blood sweat and tears that can come with struggling to BF really isn’t worth it a lot of the time. Sometimes it is - but that is entirely up to you to decide.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:36

Sistanotcista · 02/02/2023 11:35

Totally agree. The best piece of advice I received when pregnant was "Have confidence in your decisions as a mother." This is your body, your choice. If anyone questions it, simply say, "That's the decision I've made." We don't have to justify every decision. Good luck with your baby

Show quote history

Absolutely!!!

And it’s something your child, when they’re older, will pick up on and perpetuate. Displaying confidence with your choices as a mother is worth it’s weight in gold.

Wrongsideofpennines · 02/02/2023 11:38

Do what feels right at the time. A friend of mine had no intention of breastfeeding but post section when she was still drugged up the midwife asked if she wanted help latching baby and because she was exhausted she went along with it and it just happened and so they carried on.

But for lots of people it's difficult, or they don't like to feed in public, or they want to share feeding with others so they chose formula, or do a combination of both. Don't get yourself in a state about it. Be prepared for both eventualities and remember it is entirely your decision.

smileladiesplease · 02/02/2023 11:38

Do what suits you it's fuck all to do with anyone else. I bf my first for 3 months snd second for 4 weeks. Twins no bloody way ff them.

Fed is best.

Breast milk is only better for baby if it suits you. If you are unhappy that negates any benefit from bf. Don't overthink this it's really not worth it and a tiny part of your child's life

gemloving · 02/02/2023 11:38

You can give it a go and then change your mind. Give it a go in the hospital where you have the support.

It's not as though breastfeeding is easy so I feel like if you don't really want it, it can be very hard to make it happen in the first weeks.

pjani · 02/02/2023 11:39

Gah I feel so annoyed with people saying the OP is overthinking. It’s not wrong to ponder this kind of thing when pregnant and to seek advice!

I will say I’m a very modest person and didn’t like people around me (fine with partner around) when breastfeeding. I think it’s fine to feel that way personally.

I think why not try on day 1, then day 2, then day 3 and see how it goes. Even a bit of breastmilk is better than none. If day 4 (or whatever) you feel like no, you don’t like it, stop, or combine feed or whatever, all fine.

BumpySkull · 02/02/2023 11:39

I felt the same so I expressed everything. We never needed formula and neither every went on the breast (except one time straight after they were born). Breastfeeding experts very strongly advised against it the first time but, after I said the second time that I’d fed DS that way for two years and never needed formula, they stopped trying to tell me it was a bad idea the second time.

Greenraincoat12 · 02/02/2023 11:39

I can remember midwife saying to me "breast is best" and feeling lots of pressure and judgement.
So the first few months were spent in floods of tears because it was painful but I felt I wasn't allowed to go FF. I wasn't as assertive all those years ago.
Your body, your choice. If you want to do formula, do it.

FizzyFlamingo · 02/02/2023 11:42

I felt very similar to you before my DD was born. Initially didn't think I wanted to breastfeed at all. It made me feel a bit odd and the idea of getting my boobs out made me feel a bit panicky.

As time went on I changed to maybe I'll give it a go. Just before she was born I decided I'd give it my best shot but wasn't going to put any pressure on myself if it didn't work out. I bought everything to formula feed and breastfeed to cover all bases 😂. Once she was born my mindset kind of changed again and I felt like I really wanted to make it work and would give myself 6 weeks. The first few weeks were tough but from about week 3 it was fairly plain sailing (lucky I know) and I went on to ebf for 18months. I think not putting pressure on myself helped and I always knew I could switch to formula and would feel 0 guilt about it if that was the right thing to do.

Good luck whatever you decide and don't feel any guilt for your decision either way.

cheatingcrackers · 02/02/2023 11:43

I would always always encourage women to give breastfeeding a try. The evidence base, particularly for colostrum (that’s the very thick yellow liquid you produce in the first three days), is not shaky, though a lot of press has been made of fairly poor research. Breastfeeding is also better for the mother’s health (assuming all goes well).

Then there are the financial and environmental impacts of formula feeding. Obviously if bf doesn’t work out then ff is there as a back up, but extreme circumstances aside I don’t really know why a woman wouldn’t at least try feeding her baby in the natural, cheapest, healthiest way.

Coffeeandchocs · 02/02/2023 11:43

I don’t think combi feeding is discussed enough. I’m a NICU nurse, and for any Mum’s that are on the fence about breastfeeding I always say why don’t you give it a go and see how you feel? I always tell them is doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I had to supplement with formula as my little one wasn’t gaining weight, I’ve had professional training in breastfeeding and still found it difficult. In the end I found I quite liked being able to give formula and breastfeed. We settled into quite a nice routine where my baby would have a bottle in the morning and one in the evening and I breastfed the rest of the time. I especially liked breastfeeding at night because it meant I didn’t have to get up to get a bottle! But I liked the flexibility of being able to give a bottle too.

takealettermsjones · 02/02/2023 11:45

Breastfeeding gave me panic attacks. I was essentially unprepared (baby born in lockdown, no support) but I had been told that if it hurts, you're doing it wrong. It hurt (a lot!) so I panicked that baby wasn't getting enough milk. Along with baby losing quite a lot of weight at first and then being told I obviously wasn't doing it right... Yeah it threw me for a loop. I combi fed, tried pumping for a while, and then eventually switched to FF. I wish I'd switched sooner to be honest.

So to answer your question, yes I did worry about it (because of the lack of support) and I found it difficult, but it was more the feeling that I could be failing to provide for my baby and not know it (unlike FF where you can see how much has been drunk).

If you want to try despite your worries, you could look up e.g. La Leche League for advice and guidance?

Timesawastin · 02/02/2023 11:46

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:35

I always advise when people are conflicted - give BF a chance but if you find it a struggle or difficult, and it’s too much for you (which it may be when you’re sore and knackered and navigating a new dynamic) then just move on to formula, don’t feel guilty, and acknowledged that you tried! But the blood sweat and tears that can come with struggling to BF really isn’t worth it a lot of the time. Sometimes it is - but that is entirely up to you to decide.

What blood sweat and tears ? It's not always a struggle at all, I found it easy as anything.
Not sensible to frighten OP

Eixample · 02/02/2023 11:46

It’s not either or, you could bf when alone and give formula when others are there (or pump). (Get some advice on supply if you go this route.)

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/02/2023 11:48

Timesawastin · 02/02/2023 11:46

What blood sweat and tears ? It's not always a struggle at all, I found it easy as anything.
Not sensible to frighten OP

Show quote history

Good for you? Not everyone is as lucky.

I don’t think actually spelling out the many possibilities is frightening

Timesawastin · 02/02/2023 11:49

gemloving · 02/02/2023 11:38

You can give it a go and then change your mind. Give it a go in the hospital where you have the support.

It's not as though breastfeeding is easy so I feel like if you don't really want it, it can be very hard to make it happen in the first weeks.

Yes, sometimes it IS easy. This oh it's a terrible struggle, only you can decide if it's worth it is not by any means an accurate picture. Of the dozen new mums I knew only one had any issues

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