Is anyone else afraid of breastfeeding?

[flawless29]

I faced a difficult decision at week 34 of pregnancy, after investing hours researching and thinking about breastfeeding. Initially, I felt strongly that I did not want to breastfeed, which may seem immature, but it was my genuine and honest feeling.

I spoke with my midwife about the benefits of breastfeeding for both me and my baby. Logically this made perfect sense to me. Yet emotionally, thought of breastfeeding made me feel awkward and shy – so much so that I didn't even want anyone else in the room when feeding.

On the other hand, formula-feeding came with its own worries such as not being able to provide the best nutrition for my baby or missing out on certain experiences only available through breastfeeding.

The majority of my family is preoccupied with work or school making it hard for me to discuss this difficult decision with someone close by. Feeling isolated, I wondered if I was too selfish if I decided not to breastfeed and go for formula-milk instead?

You don't have to make a decision now. Give it a go, see how you find it, then decide what's right for you.

I think you’re fine whichever you do. But I don’t think you have to decide until the baby is here. Yes there are items to be bought for ff, but you might want them either way because if you did bf, you’d likely want to express somethings. Plus not hard to get hold of.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl I think that's really good advice. There are loads of ways to be a good parent. I think there is too much pressure to breast feed

Entirely your decision OP and whatever you decide just remember that there’s no harm in trying something and stopping if it’s not for you. If you decide not to try breastfeeding though obviously you can’t start producing the milk many months later. If you want to breastfeed, cool, if you don’t, fine. Financially alone I saved A LOT of money breastfeeding my second. It didn’t work out with my first though and so I’ve done both and both my kids are utterly perfect teens now. 😁

I see what you’re saying here, and personally I didn’t have any major issues - though quite a lot
of my friends did - but I do think it’s important for Mums to be aware that it can be hard to get started. And it is almost always physically tiring, at least in the first few weeks, and then sometimes during growth spurts etc.

making it hard for me to discuss this difficult decision with someone close by.

This isn't something that you need to decide on now, in fact I'd say it's far easier to decide when the baby arrives.

I thought I probably wouldn't breastfeed but that I'd give it a try anyway. When my baby arrived I'd tried breastfeeding and it was the easiest thing in the world, no pain, no difficulty latching, no real cluster feeding. Everyone will have a different experience.

Hi OP, please try not to worry too much about this - I know it can feel like a big deal, and it is when you're a new/expectant new mum, but as long as you go easy on yourself, whatever you decide will be the right thing for you and your baby.

It's not a binary choice (although it can be if you want it to be). Formula is a completely adequate way to feed your baby, it's not substandard or dangerous as long as it's prepared correctly and it's life-saving for many babies. If you choose not to breastfeed, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

However, if you would like to give your child the nutritional benefits of breastmilk but are uncomfortable with the idea of the physical act of breastfeeding, there's a lot you can do.

Breastmilk is beneficial throughout a baby's development; however the huge benefits over formula are in the early days, weeks and months. How would you feel about (for example) harvesting colostrum antenatally, and feeding your baby with that via syringe for a as long as you are happy to hand express it? Colostrum is a perfect first food for a baby, they need very little to thrive, and having an advance supply would also save you the bother of mastering the art faff of bottles, sterilising, formula prep etc for a couple of days while you recover from birth. Guidance on colostrum harvesting here: abm.me.uk/breastfeeding-information/antenatal-expression-colostrum/

A lot of mums chose to combi feed these days - for some mums this may mean alternating bottles of formula with breastfeeding, for others it may instead mean pumping breastmilk for some of baby's bottles instead of exclusively using formula. Any amount of breastmilk is worth having.

However, as someone who was initially forced to exclusively pump for my second baby as she wouldn't take the boob, there is a tradeoff to be made in terms of how beneficial you feel breastmilk is for baby vs the time and energy required to establish and maintain a milk supply without direct breastfeeding - for some women it is easy and preferable, for others it is time-consuming and emotionally tough so this might only be worth considering if you are really concerned that baby get the benefit of breastmilk. It will depend on how much weight you put on that. I was only able to manage pumping because I was so determined my baby would eventually breastfeed and I needed to maintain my supply - without that motivation it would have been hard to persist.

Essentially, this is about you. If what you need is to be told it is OK not to try breastfeeding and use formula from the off - it is. It's fine. It's what the vast majority of women end up doing within a few days/weeks/months of birth, and their babies are absolutely fine. There are benefits, like being able to share feeds and nights, being able to leave house without baby for longer periods earlier, less pressure on you to be the baby's whole entire world right when you are most tired and overwhelmed post birth. As long as you prepare formula properly according to guidance, your baby will come to no harm, and although statistically bf/bm has benefits, these benefits are in aggregate across huge studies not individual by individual - there are breastfed babies who get asthma, allergies, become obese, get infant cancers, just as there are ff babies who get none of these things and have exceptional good health. Formula is a fine choice.

If however you are really worried about your baby missing out on the benefits of breastmilk, there are lots of ways you can approach this to give baby as much of your milk as possible without having to 'power through' your discomfort with direct breastfeeding. And keep an open mind. Personally I found birth extremely effective at disinhibiting me about my body - when half the hospital seems to have had their hand up your chuff at some point and you've pooped in a cardboard bowl the midwife had only asked you to pee in, shame kind of goes out the window :P But we are all completely different. You may in the aftermath feel like giving bf a go; or you may still feel it is not for you, perhaps even more so than before. Decide what you want now, and plan for it, but be prepared to go with the flow as you and baby work it out between you.

I breastfed for 3 weeks and then moved to formula. I said I would give it a go before baby was born but I knew deep down that I didn't really want to do it. I think sometimes you just know, I was much happier when I moved to formula after 3 weeks. You do what you feel comfortable with.

Being a mother of a newborn is not easy.

Every mother should make the choice that's right for them and their baby, without guilt. I'm a huge fan of bf'ing, but honestly I had two weeks of hell with both my babies until it got easy. If I had another now (not going to happen), I think I would make a different choice.

Do what's right for you, and don't let anyone tell you it's the wrong decision. It might be wrong for them, but they are not you.

I was terrified of the thought of it and absolutely convinced that I wouldn't be able to do it. I wanted to try it anyway and at least make sure DS got colostrum, and I was amazed to find that we both took to it really easily. After a bit of initial soreness, I had none of the problems I'd fretted about. Try not to overthink it - give it a try, find out what help and support there is in your area, but remember that the most important thing for your baby is a happy mum, so if you really hate it, there's nothing wrong with switching to formula.

Ooh that's a good one actually - if it's modesty/shyness putting you off breastfeeding, you could try for bottles in the daytime and bf at night. This is how I eventually weaned my DD2 boob-refuser onto the breast - stuffing it in there at night when she was too sleepy to notice the difference and kick off! 😆And it can be a lot easier than dragging yourself up to make a bottle in the dark.

The best thing we can do on infant feeding is drop the binary. There don't have to be breastfeeding mothers and bottle feeding mothers at war with each other. Just mothers feeding their babies in whatever and as many ways as work for them and their baby.

No, I don't think you're selfish. You feel what you feel, and it's your body so your choice.

I did breastfeed, and it was definitely the best option for me, not least because I have adhd and faffing around with bottles, planning ahead etc would have been very challenging for me. However, everyone's circumstances are different.

At a population level, it seems that there are some benefits to breastfeeding but it seems to me that bottle fed babies grow up just fine. Also, I think the mental health of the mother is at least as important for the wellbeing and healthy development of the child as the kind of milk that they drink, so I think it's about doing what works best for you. I'm sure that your baby will be absolutely fine either way.

No you're not selfish. Off course we all know the benefits of breastfeeding, but your baby isn't gonna be "deprived" if you decide not to.

For me I always knew I wanted to try first and I did. I had already brought formula just in case I changed my mind or it didn't work out. I actually wanted to quit a few times in between. Especially when I had a case of mastitis 😩

I wouldn't say I thoroughly enjoyed breastfeeding but I didn't hate it either. Breastfeeding is not easy in my opinion but it did get easier & easier as time went on! By month 6, I can honestly say it was fairly easy for me.

My advice to you is - give it a go, if it doesn't work out, formula it is!

I think it's worth thinking about what it is specifically that makes you uncomfortable about breastfeeding.

You can go along to a breastfeeding support group while still pregnant. You can talk through how you feel with the qualified people there.

You can also go to them for support once baby is here.

Tbh, you've nothing to lose by trying. You might find it ok and keep going.

It can often depend on the baby, OP.

DD1 struggled to bf. I had no family who had bf and only NHS support so it was very challenging. She was later diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and autism so these may have been factors. She also struggled with bottle feeding formula milk.

DD2 breastfed like a baby who knew what to do from her first minute in the world. The only challenge we had was oversupply and recurrent blocked ducts. I had LLL support and an IBCLC second time around which made every issue surmountable. She weaned at natural term at nearly 6 years old.

Oh yes and the other thing - if you decide not to express or bf at all, watch out for mastitis post birth, it's an absolute shitter and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, much less a new mum who is tired and busy - even at the mild end, it can be like the worst flu ever and just not what you need. So if you're not bf, do ask your midwife/HV for advice on how to reduce and resolve your unwanted milk supply safely.

The benefits of bf are generally at popular level rather than individual.
In many cases of bf struggles, where the mother wants to bf, the issue is often poor advice and support. That said, if a mother doesn't want to bf there is no need to justify that decision. Formula is fine.

Formula is a heavily controlled industry so it's a safe product and nutritionally has what a baby needs.

I don't think it's a decision that needs to be discussed at length with anyone, assess your options and make your choice. You can change your mind, if you give birth and decide to try bf go for it. If you still don't then have bottles ready to go.

You used to be able to get a drug to cease lactation from the GP but I think they're reluctant to prescribe these days.

of course not selfish! It's your decision to make and you know what's best for you and your baby. In the modern age with access to specially designed formula and clean drinking water the difference between bf and ff is neglible, by the time your baby is a toddler there is no difference anyway. So if you want to bf and it's going well by all means do it, there's no harm if you're making enough milk. But if you don't want to it's really irrelevant in the long term. The only proven benefit is to you, a slightly lowered risk of certain cancers, but to your child there's no long term benefit.

I hope when your midwife had a conversation with you about the benefits of bf they were sharing actual evidence based information and not myth: if you were told it increases IQ and reduces obesity for example then they were misinformed sadly and passing on debunked information.

Bf if you want to and it works for you, ff if you want to and it works for you, the most important thing is that you're coping well and content with a feeding decision that works for you. You don't get a medal or a better baby either way so do what's best for you. It saddens me that you'd even feel the need to ask whether it's okay to not want to bf, such is the pressure mothers face.

OP do what you want. Your baby and you will be fine.

If you are still undecided you could maybe breastfeed the colostrum?

But the benefits of breastfeeding are overstated.

You also do not have to make the decision yet. You could buy some ready made formula bottles to take into hospital with you, but see how you feel after giving birth. Then you can formula feed if you want to, breastfeed if you want to, or combi feed.
We get pushed to make decisions before we need to. Sometimes it is better to be prepared but see how you feel after your baby is actually born.

Not sure what these 'forever chemicals' are supposed to be. There is some evidence re dioxins, but overall breastfeeding is still thought to be better for the infant than formula.
I surprised myself when feeding mine. We had a shaky start, but having established feeding, I didn't see a reason to stop. Objectively, if I were making the choice again, the thing which would swing it for me is the dynamic relationship it provides re immunity: the infant gets infected with something, s/he passes it to you through the nipple, you generate antibodies and pass it back to them in the milk. They will obviously have some temporary immunity from you for a while, but when my younger one was exposed to chicken pox soon after birth (at a gathering where there were a number of new babies and older siblings of c2 years old), she was about the only one who didn't catch it. Neither, actually, did my older child, who was also still feeding. With higher levels of certain illnesses (typically of childhood) around these days - measles, whooping cough etc - that might be a consideration. Choosing bf in those circumstances is hardly the unselfish choice.
It's not clear where you are in your pregnancy now, but if you do go the breastfeeding route, I found kellymom.com to be very helpful. I haven't looked at it in ages, but it outlined when to expect cluster feeding - which was possibly the most useful piece of information anyone gave me.
Whatever your choice, it has to be the one you are comfortable with and that you will look on without regret or self-recrimination. Good luck.

Your body, your choice. You do what feels right for you.

Wait until the baby is here. Honestly, what you feel before baby is born can change in an instant once they're actually here as everything changes. Before I had my baby I had decided that I would breastfeed for the first week or so and then switch to pumping. I had the breast pump and bottles and was ready to go. Then I had an emergency c-section 2 days before my due date. Latching was hard. I was pumping from day one as whilst I was sad about it every time we tried latching it was painful and upsetting so I settled on it pumping and bottle feeding from the start. It was so easy in the hospital that I couldn't see how I would have any issues with it.
We were in hospital for 5 days and after a few days at home I was struggling to keep up with it. There were no nurses waking me up in the night to pump and washing and sterilising bottles was hard work. I was adamant that I wouldn't use formula. I'm not entirely sure why as I don't have anything against it but I was determined not to use it. I think I felt like I failed at giving birth in a way so that this was something that I could do to give him the best start I possibly could. I wanted him to have everything I could give him.
I slowly taught him to breastfeed through a few feeds a day with nipple shields and after a few weeks he latched on one day and we dropped bottles.
He has never had formula and I am so proud of both of us and we are still going 17 months later ♥️

I was adamant I wasn't going to breastfeed. The thought of it just made me uncomfortable, I was 22 and I think to me, my boobs were a sexual thing so it added to my discomfort. We bought everything to formula feed ready, packed the hospital bag full of little pre mixed bottles. I had a c-section and whilst holding him skin to skin in recovery he just wiggled across my chest and latched on and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. We breastfed until he was 12 months and I'm sat here breastfeeding my newborn as I type this It took me a while to build up the confidence to do it in public with my first, and I would take myself off upstairs to feed when with family etc but this time I feel differently again.

This isn't saying that there's anything wrong with your choice if you decide to not breastfeed, just my experience, I wouldn't of ever imagined it going the way it did for me. I was so against it. I'd already sworn my husband to secrecy that I was formula feeding by choice and we'd agreed to say my milk didn't come in because I felt ashamed to not even want to try. Ultimately fed is best, so don't beat yourself up either way.