Is anyone else afraid of breastfeeding?

[flawless29]

I faced a difficult decision at week 34 of pregnancy, after investing hours researching and thinking about breastfeeding. Initially, I felt strongly that I did not want to breastfeed, which may seem immature, but it was my genuine and honest feeling.

I spoke with my midwife about the benefits of breastfeeding for both me and my baby. Logically this made perfect sense to me. Yet emotionally, thought of breastfeeding made me feel awkward and shy – so much so that I didn't even want anyone else in the room when feeding.

On the other hand, formula-feeding came with its own worries such as not being able to provide the best nutrition for my baby or missing out on certain experiences only available through breastfeeding.

The majority of my family is preoccupied with work or school making it hard for me to discuss this difficult decision with someone close by. Feeling isolated, I wondered if I was too selfish if I decided not to breastfeed and go for formula-milk instead?

The main reason I bf was entirely selfish. I love not having periods and can get a good 2 years off with pregnancy and breastfeeding. Plus all that time without periods is reducing my risk of breast and ovarian cancers.

Yes that was a nice added extra! Also being able to eat everything in sight and losing all the baby weight without making any effort whatsoever.

Are you still pregnant?

I would say you don't need to decide now, and if you decide to breastfeed, you can change your mind literally anytime. Whether that's after one feed, or a week, or 6 months. Try it, if you don't like it, don't do it!

Aww OP you sound like me when I was pregnant with my first baby so I sympathise. All throughout my pregnancy I had no desire to breastfeed (despite everyone I know telling me how natural it was/how I’d feel differently when baby was here). There were multiple reasons but if I’m honest the whole concept freaked me out and I had zero desire for anything to go anywhere near my nipples. I think I also just wanted my body back and breastfeeding to me, felt like an extension of being pregnant and I simply didn’t want that. I am assertive in all other areas of my life but I continually wobbled on this issue towards the end of my pregnancy. It’s extremely difficult when you have lots of people telling you FF is fine but there is an assumption that you should at least want to try breastfeeding. Anyway, for me my feelings didn’t change when my DS arrived and I formula fed from the start. I have no regrets and he’s a happy, healthy 18 month old now. I agree with all the other posters that say have confidence in your own decision and there is no right or wrong way to feed your baby.

Re formula prep the only officially endorsed guidance I could find was to boil the kettle fresh each time, wait 30 mins for it to cool etc. Lots of people said "just get a Perfect Prep, just make up a days worth and put in fridge, just take a flask of hot water" etc but nowhere could I find any NHS or other health org guidance that this was OK to do. So it seems if you're doing it according to guidance it would be a colossal ballache.

Re sterilising etc, it was just how constant it was - having to wash up all the bottles, teats and pump parts (I appreciate pump parts would not be a prob if FF), then put them in the steriliser, then dry them - my hands were red raw from all the hot water and steam, and it was just such a job vs chucking baby on a boob. And when out and about it was so hard to get what I needed to warm up a bottle of breastmilk - I would not have thought "a large mug of boiling water please" was such a big bloody ask in most cafes/restaurants but it was amazing how often I couldn't seem to get this without a massive faff (they'd bring it in a teacup, or a jug of lukewarm water, or just refuse altogether). Having to drag a heavy thermos of boiled water everywhere, along with all the other crap a baby needs, felt inhibiting. And so on.

But it depends what you're used to. I only ever breastfed DD1 so bottle feeding seemed like bloody hard work by comparison. I imagine if one had only ever bottlefed you'd just take it as normal.

I have three children.

One breastfed, one bottle fed, one combi fed - so I've done all three.

Combi fed is the way to go...if they take a bottle! We are lucky that our baby does. For me, it gives you the benefits of breastfeeding whilst not feeling tied to your baby if you need to pop out for a couple of hours. It's awesome, I wish I did it with all three. Breastfeeding can be challenging to establish in the beginning but once you have it's a doddle. I cannot be doing with the constant faff of washing and sterilising bottles, guessing how much you need if you go out, not to mention the expense. Plus, I hate faffing with bottles at night. Right now, I don't have to leave my bed - he wakes, feeds 5 mins on each side and goes back down.

Hah wish I got this - bf DD1 for 2.5 years and got my periods back at 5 months 🙄Same happened with DD2 whilst exclusively pumping and then bf (still feeding her now at nearly 2). I got pregnant both times on pretty much the first attempt so I guess I'm just very bloody fertile, which is great for pregnancy not so much fun when you're hoping from a year off menstruating 😆

Oh no! I had one period between DC1 and DC2 and then I think 2 or 3 between DC2 and DC3 as we were umming and ahhing about a third. So maybe 4 periods in 7 years. The flipside of that was that when they did come back after DC3 I got very very bad PMT for the first year or so.

I exclusively breast fed my first had no issues. Tried with my second, it just wasn’t working. I switched to formula when he was 5 months and honestly it changed my whole experience. I wasn’t anxious at every feed and could sit and enjoy making eye contact and smiling and cuddling my little one instead of trying to sort his latch and get a good position.

Both of mine are health robust little whirlwinds now. Although my first who I breast fed for a year is a complete and utter daddies girl and my formula fed little boy is my little shadow.

There are pros and cons for both. Don’t overthink it too much. They all end up eating suspicious things they’ve found on the kitchen floor anyway. That’s much more of a worry tbh 😂

You can do both. There is a no need to make a decision now. My eldest mixed fed happily from birth to 4 months with no issues.

Actually the evidence base would argue with you. Perhaps you should do some research? But by all means, please keep blindly touting the “breast is best” bollocks. Informed is best, which means ensuring that you’re informed of the pros AND cons.

What does it mean that breastfeeding is better at a population level rather than an individual level? Sorry for the stupid question but I've seen it mentioned a couple of times and can't work out what it really means.

It means that on an individual level you can’t say ‘if you BF your baby won’t get ear infections/ necrotising enterocolitis/ gastric bugs’ etc etc but when you look at data of thousands of babies, BF babies are less likely to get all those things - overall. But you have to also take into account on an individual level that the risks of FF for a woman in a developed wealthy nation with access to clean water and sterilising equipment is going to be different to a woman in a developing country with little access to water, electricity or a steady supply of the formula.

Just means as with most statistics overall breastfed babies have (e.g.) fewer gastro bugs than formula fed babies, but that doesn't mean that ALL breastfed babies have fewer gastro bugs than ALL formula fed babies, or that your specific baby will have fewer gastro bugs if you breastfeed them than they will if you formula feed. The differences show up across large groups but the benefits of bf or the "risks" of FF (however you want to think about it) don't show up uniformly across individuals in the groups.

Er I do think most studies would correct for something like that though. Very much doubt a study would make it past peer review if it lumped in women formula feeding in the favelas of Rio with women formula feeding in leafy Hampstead 🤔

So you're pregnant now?

I think you're being a bit daft really. Wait til the baby arrives, give it a go and see how you get on.

Personally I think all babies should at least get colostrum in the first few days, unless there's a good reason not to. You can always express and syringe feed it if you don't fancy the direct route. If you could buy colostrum, you definitely would iyswim.

Can you show me evidence that states there’s only a marginal difference to humans consuming milk meant for a human vs milk meant for a calf?

The NHS obviously doesn’t know what it’s talking about www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/benefits/

and the WHO
www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding#tab=tab_1

OP, absolutely do what feels right for you - but my advice is to wait and see what feels right when your baby has arrived. Birthing/postnatal does change your relationship with your body a bit. You may feel less uncomfortable than you think you will, and find it more convenient.
If you don't and you'd rather FF, that's great. But you don't need to decide in advance. Just buy some formula and sterilising fluid so you've got a choice.

Not quite. adverse effects of formula milk cost the NHS £50m a year

Obviously the risks of FF are different for people with access to clean water. But studies don’t tend to focus cross populations. When people talk about population level risk they are talking about within the UK (or whichever population they’re studying!)

OP - I never wanted to bf so used formula from day one. Formula is amazing and gives babies an excellent start in life. DC’s grew up healthy - none of the illnesses people scare you about that formula fed babies are supposed to get more off.
Get a perfect prep - ideally one for upstairs and downstairs - makes life so easy!

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl can you pop a link on for that if you get a sec? I'm genuinely interested but I've just had a Google and can't find anything relating to it.

Sure! It was research from Unicef, lots of info on here but see the figure on page 2 (it was £48m not £50m)

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/Barriers-to-Breastfeeding-Briefing-The-Baby-Friendly-Initiative.pdf

I was really grossed out by the idea of breastfeeding before and during pregnancy with my first baby. Absolutely disgusted.
DD came and I had a crack at it, and honestly I count it as one of my biggest achievements (and I have three degrees). I fed my dd to 14 months, only giving up to conceive again (am 38 weeks preggo now). I honestly cried for weeks giving up.

It really is such a shame that something so natural is seen as something to be repulsed by. If formula had never been invented, we wouldn’t know any different so we wouldn’t be repulsed by the thought of breastfeeding. If nothing else it’s a very interesting social observation about how society teaches us to feel about our bodies.

Yes this is something I always say about colostrum. I think a lot of people just don’t realise how awesome it is!