To think my 16 year old son should not be able to date someone in their late 20’s?????

[Gosling876]

Recently dealing with a nasty piece of work who is molesting what is literally a child. Man in his late 20’s pursuing and successfully now dating my teenage son who is in SCHOOL and being subjected to a relationship with a man in late 20s. DS is far too young to consent to this kind of relationship and it’s completely ick factor. Sister told me that age gaps are common in same sex relationships and quoted various celebrity examples. Again doesn’t make it any less disgusting.

how do I stop this adult man stop meeting my child? My son wants to sleep over his house which is out of order and I’m really interested in whether social services would want to know and any advice anyone has on how to deal with this predator.

Why haven't you told us the age?

how do I stop this adult man stop meeting my child?

You can’t. But you can stop your child meeting this adult man.

🤦‍♀️ ignore me its in the title but not the post!! He's 16 I'm not sure there's much you can do.

I presume he’s 26 rather than 29. But that’s still definitely an adult, so I can understand the concern.

Son has been cagey about his age. Originally he was dating an 18 year old, then suddenly he was 23, then 28. No idea his actual age but likely late 20s having seen pictures of him on FB.

Thought you meant the other man!

Lot of people have told me ‘well it’s legal isn’t it?’

Technically right! Yes it is legal. Should it be??? Absolutely bloody not. Kids staying in school until 18 now and shouldn’t be having adult relationships. My sister who is an ‘expert’ on the matter of gay dating says it’s a common thing in young gays to want to be with more older experienced men.

How do half of people who have seen this think I’ve been unreasonable and would any of you care to explain why you’re accepting of this???

He's 16, he's not doing anything wrong whatever ick you have. You can't stop him having an adult relationship because he's gay. Sounds like you are uncomfortable with his sexuality.

I get the age gap is big but ultimately only talking to your son is going to change things

How did they meet? Do you suspect grooming? If under 18 (so yes in your case) you can report to police. NSPCC might be a good place to start.

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/

You aren't unreasonable being uncomfortable but you are thinking it can be stopped because the law isn't on your side

Would you suggest that a parent uncomfortable with a 28 year old man preying on a 16 year old schoolgirl was uncomfortable with her sexuality?
don’t be ridiculous.

The power imbalance makes this predatory and grim.
it’s nothing to do with sexuality.

No. I would be disturbed by a man in his late 20s having sex with a 16-year-old of either sex.

I would not be happy with my sixteen year old dating someone in their late 20s. I have both a 16 and a 26 year old and if one of my elder DSs friends came near my 16 I would be repulsed. A 16 is still a child physically and mentally. A a late 20 year old is a fully grown adult

I completely disagree with @gogohmm. I don't think op has any problem with his sexuality. Thus she gap would be a major concern to me. I too fear you can do little other than talk to ds and not allow him to stay over at this man's house.

Sympathies. My mum went through this with my sister when she was 16. The guy in question was 28/29. He had a long history of very young girlfriends and seemed to target and then "groom" them in their Saturday jobs. Would keep going to their tills, engaging them in small talk, flattering them etc until they finally agreed to go out on a date with him. My mum tried banning my sis from leaving the house and driving her to and from her Saturday job etc but she was pretty much powerless to stop it as my sis kept escaping the house. So in the end she had to wait until it ran its course, which it did within 6 months or so. You're right to be worried about it and it's not a normal or healthy age gap when we're talking about a 16 year old who will have limited physical and mental experience when it comes to relationships.

As you know it's legal, so what do you actually think can be done

Sure I thinks it wrong but what you and everyone may think jusy saying 'yeah but it's wrong' doesn't mean something can be done

Practically what can be done? Call the police and say what?

If this was either of my son or daughter at 16 regardless of who it was, male or female if they were late 20s or even 20 I’d be having a word with them about the predilection towards children.

galop.org.uk/consent/#:~:text=The%20law%20says%20that%2016,16%20or%2017%20year%20old.

Just because age of consent is 16, doesn't mean its legal for an adult to have sex with a 16 year old. Police would be interested.

This is a good resource. I would also suggest resources about grooming, maybe some aimed at teenagers.

Although he is 16 it's only just old enough to be able to consent. Whether it's "normal" or not is surely beside the point. It used to be accepted as normal for late teenage girls to date older men, but we now recognise that as an abuse of power. It's no different for a boy.

You are not wrong to be very concerned op, but not sure what you can do about it other than keep talking to your son about grooming and the inbalance of power, influence and maturity. It is nothing to do with his sexuality and parents of any 16 year old would be concerned if they had a 28 year old boy/girl (man/woman!) friend.

The nsspc link shared might be a place that can help or point you in the direction of help.

Also report to his school. They may be able to help report as a safeguarding concern.

Lots of gay age gap threads on here recently op
have a dig around
sure you'll find lots of helpful advice
x

The fact you are deferring to your sister as to the etiquette of same sex relationships makes me concerned - why not just talk to your son. There's no set pattern just because they are in same sex relationships!