To think my 16 year old son should not be able to date someone in their late 20’s?????

[Gosling876]

Recently dealing with a nasty piece of work who is molesting what is literally a child. Man in his late 20’s pursuing and successfully now dating my teenage son who is in SCHOOL and being subjected to a relationship with a man in late 20s. DS is far too young to consent to this kind of relationship and it’s completely ick factor. Sister told me that age gaps are common in same sex relationships and quoted various celebrity examples. Again doesn’t make it any less disgusting.

how do I stop this adult man stop meeting my child? My son wants to sleep over his house which is out of order and I’m really interested in whether social services would want to know and any advice anyone has on how to deal with this predator.

I get where your coming from but with the best will in the world there is little chance of stopping it

realistically all your going to do is damage your relationship with your son and push him away and straight into this guys arms

please be careful about throwing terms around about an adult molesting a child
you’ll be the one in trouble

express your concerns but unfortunately I’m guessing you’ve go in all guns blazing do I think the ship has sailed when it comes to talking to your son

at 16 he could stay where he wants just not come home even if you reported it
the police would be extremely limited to what they could do if anything

@Gosling876 I remember you posting about this situation at least a couple of months back, in the same terms. Despite you not agreeing, I expect your son and his boyfriend consider themselves in a relationship, therefore at some point they are going to have sex. If you talk to your son the same way as you express your feelings here you're just alienating him. Surely there's a better way to approach his new relationship, helping him perhaps take it more slowly and encouraging him to introduce his boyfriend to you.

Still at school so not much past 16th birthday. He probably thinks he's very grown up but in reality he's just a child. I would be deeply suspicious of a late 20s grown adult of either sex being interested in a 16 year child, gay or straight.

Does he had gay friends his own age? Perhaps he just needs to meet more boys. I can’t imagine he has much in common with a bloke a decade older.

Has the man bought him any presents, or promised him anything?

There is a poster on here who has experience of this - a big age gap between her 16yo son and his much older gf. I believe there have been two threads now. She had lots of excellent advice from police and social workers, and she detailed their involvement and the whole process. Ultimately, unfortunately, it seems that the authorities can't help, it isn't illegal, and her relationship with her son is very strained. I'll try to find them and link as there might be useful advice on there for you.

I’ll call it what it bloody is. Pedophillia. It would have been considered as such if my son was a few months earlier and he didn’t mature overnight. He thinks he’s mature and dating another mature person but it’s just not true. This man is a fucking creep and needs locking up.

Sister says that this is hugely fetishised in gay dating. She goes to a lot of lgbt scene events. She says older / younger power dynamic is very common as well as a lot of extremely weird stuff. She says these older men fetishise these ‘boys’ and clearly abuse them. She says that a lot of it is linked to fetish stuff and just really worried DS is getting involved in weird sex stuff he isn’t ready for.

Have a look at this thread, it's a 16 yo boy and a 26/27 yo woman. It's a few months in and unfortunately social services haven't been very helpful to that OP.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4677540-to-think-someone-must-be-able-to-do-something-part-two
Maybe you could talk to your DS about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour in a relationship. Keep him on side and able to talk to you. It'll end, eventually.

They're referred to as twinks. Your son should definitely know about twinks, otters, cubs and bears, if he doesn't already! But twink just refers to hairless, athletic, under 35ish - not a child. Are there no gay/bi boys his own age around? Maybe there's an LGBTQ youth club near you to distract him?

Well-timed crosspost @donttellmehesalive, think you're talking about the same thread.

Absolutely gross!! What does a grown man see in a 16 year old child? Very bizarre indeed.

It's only your opinion that age gap relationships are disgusting. Dosent mean they are.
Lots of people the same age break up and divorce everyday.
It's disgusting that your so narrow-minded and judgemental

That is not what that says. It says consent has to be obtained. Whether the OPs son can do that none of us know.

I wouldn’t be happy if this was my 16 year old son either (regardless of the sex of the person he was dating). I was in an age gap relationship at the same age and it really wasn’t healthy.

I agree a 16-year-old and a 20's something age is too much of a gap. When and how did the relationship begin? I think you said via FB? I think you still need to protect your son and until age 18 you may have some rights. Again, when and how the relationship is likely the important part (i'm wondering grooming/targeting/any charges or convictions re sex offender).
I'd seek some advice vis cps and police. Perhaps also try having an open conversation with your son about relationships that may be healthier as even though he may be attracted to the older man the relationship is not equal. I'd try explaining that some older people look for much younger partners because of their own immaturity, wanting control and to manipulate etc and that this partner likely doesn't have your son's best interests in mind. Good luck. You don't have an easy situation.

Yes, I wouldn’t like this for a girl or boy, opposite sex or not. Ring the police ask them to check this out. Bet the fella has form.

It's icky grooming a 10 year all age gap at 16 is just completely inappropriate. Not great at 18 and starting to be more reasonable/less of an issue at 20 IMO.

Would you be happy with your 16 yo daughter dating a 28yo man?!

Ridiculous how everything is called homophobia!

How about she's a caring mother wanting to protect her son from a CREEP! It's borderline paedophilic imo

I don’t think the age of consent in this country is appropriate. Kids are far more immature these days than when these laws were made. They’re basically children still until they are 18 in my opinion and even then some are very young for their age still. 21 in at least some states in America I believe. Why not here? OP I would be devastated if I were you and this 28 year old should be ashamed. It’s more than icky I feel. If it were a 16 year old DD I’m not sure many parents would like it. What does a 28 year old need with a 16 year old - period! When I was 16 my BF was 22 and my parents were not happy then.

Tread carefully OP, there’s nothing to stop son walking out the house and moving in with this man, chucking school ect.

If you push too hard he will push against you. Be his safe place, be his confidant, be the one he can talk to. Make all your conversations about him and you care and worry ect.

Dont slag the boyfriend, don’t say the relationship is wrong. Your son feels good in this situation regardless of your opinion and trashing it will push him away.

You will keep him close and keep his ear if you are kind, caring and understanding.

I would if she was happy.

Better that than dating someone your own age who your not happy with.

@girlfriend44 then I worry for your daughter or future daughter.

Those aren't the only two options - a 16yo can just stay single and enjoy her life or date someone closer in age where there isn't such a power imbalance and higher likelihood of predatory behaviour.

We need more responsible parents!!

Although legal the age gap is too large.

But your clear homophobia will not help the matter.

Lots of people the same age break up and divorce everyday.

Lots of sixteen year olds divorce every day?
Alright then...

You don't need to worry. I'm realistic and am more likely to keep a son or daughter onside. Carry on the other way and you will lose them. Its a form of control as well by the parent.
I worry about your naivety and stereotypical attitude.
Some people are attracted because they get on. It may last it may not but that's the same as any relationship.
Age is just a number really.
Would it be OK for your son or daughter to be in a relationship with someone the same age who was an arsehole and beat them etc or someone older who loved and respected them and they were happy with?

Drop the control.

@girlfriend44 as I said, those aren't the two options.

I don't know any decent man in his late twenties (adult) who would be comfortable dating a 16yo - basically a child!

Control isn't protecting your children from creeps!

With your logic no issue if your 16yo wanted to move out and in with a 40yo? As long as she's happy?? What rubbish.