To think my 16 year old son should not be able to date someone in their late 20’s?????

[Gosling876]

Recently dealing with a nasty piece of work who is molesting what is literally a child. Man in his late 20’s pursuing and successfully now dating my teenage son who is in SCHOOL and being subjected to a relationship with a man in late 20s. DS is far too young to consent to this kind of relationship and it’s completely ick factor. Sister told me that age gaps are common in same sex relationships and quoted various celebrity examples. Again doesn’t make it any less disgusting.

how do I stop this adult man stop meeting my child? My son wants to sleep over his house which is out of order and I’m really interested in whether social services would want to know and any advice anyone has on how to deal with this predator.

All you can do is talk to your son, and keep talking and listening to what he says. You can’t prevent him from having a relationship but you can be a safe space for him.

Are you kidding?! I would be horrified if my 16 year old daughter was in a relationship with a 28 year old man! Or indeed a son with a much older woman. It's completely inappropriate.

I think school ought to know; safeguarding issues.

God people are talking a load of brainless pish about ‘gay culture’.

There’s loads of twenty and thirty and forty and fifty and sixty and older-year old blokes in EVERY culture and in EVERY country, the world over who would LOVE to fuck a teenage girl or boy, or either. There’s whole ‘barely legal’ porn niches dedicated to fucking teenagers. Absolutely everyone knows that, even teens know that.

Teenagers are still completely mainstream as a fetish and that is a gross, abusive aspect of male sexual entitlement. It also shows an inadequate man who wants to avoid the challenge of having a same age partner, which the younger partner won’t have the life experience to realise. Teenagers who are fetishised are not real people to these men. They’re sexually othered and therefore highly vulnerable to abuse.

Not that long ago historically it was all very normalised and 13 year old girls would be legally married off to adult men and get pregnant. Ancient Greek culture celebrates older men and younger boys. This goes back to the dawn of time when the powerful first started exploiting the vulnerable. And so what.

We know better now. This is exploitative and disgusting. It goes against the modern understanding of consent. OPs lad is many years too young to be ‘dating’ a guy who is not of his own age group. End of story.

This is absolutely disgusting and should be illegal. Regardless of same sex or opposite sex. We need better laws around consent. 16 is fine if the other person is similarly aged (let’s say under 21) but if the other party is 28 as in this case, the age of consent should be raised to 18. It’s paedophilia as you say. This is a 28yo sexually abusing a child - and our ridiculous laws are letting him do it. People bang on about safeguarding and then let this kind of shit happen.

And it’s homophobic to suggest safeguarding is less important or applicable for teenagers because they happen to be gay or bi.

There are some people commenting that I really hope to god don't have children because you clearly know zero about keeping them safe.

Trotting out the homophobia line is pitiful btw. It's wrong. Regardless of whether it's men or women. The age gap is sickening. He is A CHILD!!!!

I think its really weird that a man in his mid to late 20s would want a relationship with a 16 year old.

CurrentHun · Today 07:19

Everything you said is true. Well done for speaking up so clearly.

You can get some advice from the MASH team at your local authority. Child sexual exploitation includes anyone under the age of 18. It’s not about the age of consent, but whether there is any grooming or coercion taking place.

An adult male interested in a school child is a red flag. Sexuality is irrelevant. Children’s social care will definitely listen and advise at the very least.

Legally a 16 year old is a child. A school aged child. A 28 year old is a fully mature adult who has been an adult for 10 years. Your son's bf is a pervert and has groomed and is abusing your son.
To all the creepy paedophile apologists that come on here to clarify the technical definition of paedophilia - your contribution has no value whatsoever since society uses the word differently, you are just as bad as one of them because you are usin it to normalise it. Creeps.

Nothing you can do once the boy is 16, ie of legal age to have sex.

In law this is essentially what it boils down to. Whether anyone likes it or not he is old enough to consent, unless he has some form of impairment or issues with cognition, or there is evidence of coercion. Being at school makes no difference at all.

I have not read all the responses. Only the OP's original post. I am of the view this can be grooming and I would deifnely approach your sons school to discuss this. I've seen this happen a lot in my job and I would definitely want to have a police check done on the older man. Social workers would defo be interested in this.

I've managed a Adolescent at risk team in London for the past 5 years. If you want any help just DM me.

This is not correct. There is absolutely loads you can do to distrust this relationship if you approach your local Adolescent Safeguarding Team.

Disrupt I meant.

Your son's bf is a pervert and has groomed and is abusing your son.
To all the creepy paedophile apologists that come on here to clarify the technical definition of paedophilia

Grooming, abusing, paedophilia, all of these words do have meanings. They're very serious allegations. Even if you knew anything about the people involved it would be a good idea not to throw them about so carelessly.

I really feel for you OP - I would be going out of my mind as well.

My DD16 is gay and only ever seems attracted to women in their late 20s currently, but that's a lot less threatening than your situation.

I hope you get some great advice from the poster above who said to DM her. Remember too, a person that young can change really quickly and grow out of a phase.

Op, what did you decide to do

Nothing the police can do; plenty a parent can and should do.

If your daughter decides to be a porn star on her 18th birthday, would you just say ahh ok it's legal. Best of luck! or would you warn her about the dark side of the industry, risks and potential implications later??

Bizarre that so many have such a hands off attitude just because something is legal

@carmenitapink You talk to your child. But I personally think these discussions should start before they can become reality.
The point though is that lots of people are saying contact the police when no crime has been committed.

I agree with you. It’s totally grim.

It may be legal but it's absolutely grim thinking of the sexual experience that a 28 year old man will have in comparison to a 16 year old who may still be uncertain of their sexuality. It is certainly grooming.

But as to how you tackle it, I've got no idea as the other Mum on the thread link posted above is having a horrible time of trying to get someone to listen. My heart aches for her.

@Gosling876 How did they meet? Were they known to each other before your DS turned 16?

I wouldn't be happy about it regardless of the sex of those involved but I don't think there is anything that you can do about it.