Am I a heartless wife or is dh milking it?

[AmillionReasons]

Following on from the dressing gown of doom thread which was hilarious, I need your opinion! AIBU to be immensely irritated by dh laying around after his vasectomy? Don't get me wrong i have been incredibly senstive to how he will.be feeling etc and he hasn't had to lift a finger. It has been 3 days though now of me running around after him, our dcs, cleaning the house and doing the school runs. He doesn't even get up to make a cup of tea, i told him to put the kettle on and he looked put out! He is waddling around like a lost duckling (that is of course when he chooses to get up which is rarely!) Is this normal?
The new kind of surgery is keyhole and no stitches, just a plaster. I realise there is a little swelling and dull aches etc but I didn't get to rest after birthing two babies, and having stitches too, life went on. He haa checked the area and it isn't infected or anything. I have been very supportive for 3 days but feel he should at least be doing some light activities by now. He is laying around playing computer games, I am probably insensitive but it is irritating me! AIBU?

Haha the examples did seem a bit extreme but we don’t know if it literally happened like that.

I think some of us get irritated by the whining at home because you think of those who are at the actual hospital. These conditions do sound quite serious but I’m sure she would never have risked her husband’s neck as brutally as it sounds.

In my case I was thinking about minor regular stuff.

I think in things that do only happen once and can be emotionally challenging a bit of sympathy can’t hurt

It hurts to pee,? Has he picked up a urine infection, get him to go to Gp for check.

Well then do exactly the same.

You know how men can weaponize incompetence - do it back.

Start crying, and saying - omg you're so ill, I can't cope, it's too much for me, your poor penis😂Then take to your bed with 'stress/shock'.

Then when he says - oh pull yourself together, very earnestly tell him 'I think I'm suffering the same thing you did when I was in labour - I never appreciated it at the time but now I understand, I've gone into shock and can't deal with it'.

No shits given 😏

Are they swollen/bruised?
Drop a bag of frozen peas in his lap. I would.

I can’t believe he is making you do everything on top of your full-time job!

@greenspaces4peace yes supportive undies, and he has been complaining about those as well. They apparently feel weird and uncomfortable.

Tell him that it's not normal for it to be hurting going for a wee, and you've phoned the hospital clinic to check and they want him to go back to open the wound up a little to check theres no infection present.

That should get him up and about pretty darn sharpish!

Maybe they picked up on him struggling to process.

Hospitals are so overwhelmed, they wouldn’t take that sort of time for minor ops usually, it’s papers and you’re out.

Hell, ICU discharged me because of the bed blocking stuff straight home, they weren’t thrilled about it, they gave me 2 huge bags of easy food and detailed medications instructions, but that was it (you’re supposed to recover in a lower ward after)

Definitely get him that doctors appointment, it sounds he needs to hear and have it seen by a professional

Sending support, but it really should be ok

🤣🤣🤣 please do this!

My husband went to do a 12 hour shift straight after (physical job). I'm sure it a very minor procedure now.

Another pathetic man on MN! Is there something in the water?

OP, for the sisterhood, please just do whatever it takes to get him to realize he's being a size A dickhead. Ignore him. Don't do anything for him. Point out each and every hypocrisy compared to your pregnancies/childbirths. Don't let him even dare start with the "but you...". Such a baby, honestly. They cannot be allowed to get away with this shit, especially when you've got kids watching and learning from him, and not from you standing up for yourself/not standing for this shit!

Please do as Clara says!
Genius!

DH had a vasectomy recently, he walked to the supermarket the next day (I was ill) & carried a backpack & a carrier bag full of shopping home. It's more than a mile away & an 80m climb on the way back.

The OP's DH needs to realise that it's only a tiny tube they've cut, they didn't remove the whole lot. He's definitely acting like he needs to grow some balls.

You can usually return to work after two days if it won’t require much manual labor or moving around.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/vasectomy-recovery#hour-recovery

1 in 10 have pain and discomfort that lasts for over 7 days and for some it never goes away. Given that he’s presumably stepped up and taken the responsibility for contraception, some of the comments here are a bit out of order, even if he is milking it a bit.

Neither tbh - I couldn’t have done it after my first c section (couldn’t walk properly til day 5) but my second was a planned section. dd had a party to go to and we got discharged later than we hoped so we didn’t have time for me to go home or she’d be late for the party. And I also wanted a bottle of champagne hence the Asda trip 😂😂

Hah! One of my mates was conceived 2 days after her dad’s vasectomy- and that was an old s hook type to boot! Definitely DH should be up to light housework!

Totally agree!

'Given that he’s presumably stepped up and taken the responsibility for contraception, some of the comments here are a bit out of order, even if he is milking it a bit.'

He had no choice really, he doesn't like using protection and I couldn't take the pill anymore. It was this or an unwanted pregnancy risk. I wasn't willing to dtd unprotected.

Well I think they should tbh. I understand the resentment. Little bitter tho?

Tell him if his malingering act goes on much longer, the entire point of the vesectomy will be null and void. I'd honestly shrivel up if dh was being that pathetic.

My dh had a vasectomy. He waddled home in a bit of pain. The anaesthetic didn’t kick in when it should have. He was given painkillers (tramadol) and he came home. He was in a bit of discomfort the next day, but by day 2 he was fine!

From the NHS website You can usually return to work 1 or 2 days after a vasectomy, but should avoid sport and heavy lifting for at least a week after the procedure to prevent complications. See a GP if you still have symptoms after a few days

If he's that bad, tell him to book an appointment with his gp. If he refuses then he can get his arse up and start contributing towards the household whisky he's off work.

My dh was back at work the next day, and he ripped his stitches and had to have them redone.

I am probably being a bit silly and pushing it but I am a fast healer (something to do with being ginger) and I just can not sit around doing nothing, I am so bored. And in comparison to my period the pain has been pretty manageable. The only hairy moment was going for a number 2 for the first time

I twisted my back a few years ago and couldn't get out of bed for 3 weeks. Every so often it goes off again and I have have a couple of days resting it. If it goes on for longer, dh rings the doctor and they come out to me.

Tell him you're going to ask the doc to come and visit. That should shame him if he's not genuinely in trouble.