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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a heartless wife or is dh milking it?

288 replies

AmillionReasons · 01/02/2023 17:15

Following on from the dressing gown of doom thread which was hilarious, I need your opinion! AIBU to be immensely irritated by dh laying around after his vasectomy? Don't get me wrong i have been incredibly senstive to how he will.be feeling etc and he hasn't had to lift a finger. It has been 3 days though now of me running around after him, our dcs, cleaning the house and doing the school runs. He doesn't even get up to make a cup of tea, i told him to put the kettle on and he looked put out! He is waddling around like a lost duckling (that is of course when he chooses to get up which is rarely!) Is this normal?
The new kind of surgery is keyhole and no stitches, just a plaster. I realise there is a little swelling and dull aches etc but I didn't get to rest after birthing two babies, and having stitches too, life went on. He haa checked the area and it isn't infected or anything. I have been very supportive for 3 days but feel he should at least be doing some light activities by now. He is laying around playing computer games, I am probably insensitive but it is irritating me! AIBU?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 04/02/2023 13:03

Omg @picklemewalnuts thats same as my ex. Would be on deaths door saying he was REALLY sick, and I’d ask ‘are you going to work tomorrow’ and he’d say ‘yeah’… so I would just say ‘you’re not that unwell then.. and ignore him

Cattihorocks · 04/02/2023 13:17

He is being incredibly Mardy

Soubriquet · 04/02/2023 13:22

He sounds unbearable really.

I bet it’s all because now he feels like less of a man and needs to milk it so he can feel sorry for himself. It’s frustrating for you though I bet.

jannier · 04/02/2023 15:18

AmillionReasons · 04/02/2023 11:23

I've told him to ring the clinic he had it done at or the GP on Monday. He is backtracking now saying it's normal and it does last over 3 months then there may be issue etc. I've told him he goes to GP for alot more minor things, so with such an important area he needs to speak to them.

Bring up the NHS guidance and make him read it

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 04/02/2023 15:27

AmillionReasons · 04/02/2023 11:40

I've told him to stop bloody looking at the NHS leaflet. He is obsessed and only refers to that. I have told him it is so vague and as we have discovered he has already got the amount or weight and time limits wrong. He now tells me another post op leaflet is in there. I told him it is a week on Monday, and it isn't normal. I told him if he is in the small percentage of men with a complication than he needs it checked. Suddenly he is downplaying it and can put the bin out. I think he knows if he goes to the GP with this he will be sent packing.
He has said he has a bruise on one side where the tube was alittle harder to find. Does anybody know if this can cause what he has been experiencing?

It's normal to have a bruise around any incision. He could've had a bruise on one side, both or neither, it's nothing to do with the vas being more difficult to find on that side. It's a normal after effect whenever one cuts any tissue.

What's causing his experience is a total lack of moral fibre, not the existence of a bruise on a shrivelled plum.

Mr Unicorn FRCS(Eng)

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 04/02/2023 15:31

AmillionReasons · 02/02/2023 22:20

I've told dh if he keeps icing his balls they'll freeze and drop off. He isn't amused.

That's a good one! 😂😂

Carrick27 · 05/02/2023 01:07

My ex husband had his vasectomy done and came home….went straight to bed! 😂 he was a drama Queen to be fair.

MavisMcMinty · 05/02/2023 01:12

That’s fine @Carrick27 - as long as he didn’t stay there for a week afterwards.

menopausalbloat · 05/02/2023 13:53

My partner was back in work the next day. Slight discomfort but not enough to stay home.

AmillionReasons · 05/02/2023 15:16

Thank you for your replies everybody, all of your experiences, and advice. Today despite yesterday's antics dh has decided he doesn't feel pain anymore. Coincidentally he is due back at work tomorrow and will have completed his '7 days' textbook recovery... 🤔

OP posts:
MoreSleepPleasee · 05/02/2023 15:25

He is being ridiculous yanbu. It's minor surgery he's taking the biscuit.

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/02/2023 15:27

I had part of my reproductive system removed and planned to go to work the next day but it was very sore to walk so took 1 day off.

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 09/02/2023 21:29

If my exH hadn't of already had it done while we were still married I would have assumed you are my kids DSM....🙄🤣

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