Am I a heartless wife or is dh milking it?

[AmillionReasons]

Following on from the dressing gown of doom thread which was hilarious, I need your opinion! AIBU to be immensely irritated by dh laying around after his vasectomy? Don't get me wrong i have been incredibly senstive to how he will.be feeling etc and he hasn't had to lift a finger. It has been 3 days though now of me running around after him, our dcs, cleaning the house and doing the school runs. He doesn't even get up to make a cup of tea, i told him to put the kettle on and he looked put out! He is waddling around like a lost duckling (that is of course when he chooses to get up which is rarely!) Is this normal?
The new kind of surgery is keyhole and no stitches, just a plaster. I realise there is a little swelling and dull aches etc but I didn't get to rest after birthing two babies, and having stitches too, life went on. He haa checked the area and it isn't infected or anything. I have been very supportive for 3 days but feel he should at least be doing some light activities by now. He is laying around playing computer games, I am probably insensitive but it is irritating me! AIBU?

He wins the Drama Queen award. Get the kids to make him a crown. A week of work for a vasectomy 🙄

@SafeMove 💐 You’re a stronger woman than me.

My dad was gardening 2 hours after having his

with a look of sheer relief on his face,if you listen to my mother (they had been told they’d never have kids-had me,my brother then surprise twins-they where about 4 months old at the time)

he’s been a baby

Call his bluff....

"Darling, I'm genuinely getting very worried about you, everything I've heard about vasectomy says that if a man isn't feeling well and doing all normal activities bar heavy lifting means after 3 days that there might be an infection or something. If you're not feeling better by morning, I'll ring the doctor for an appointment because I'm getting really worried about you".

For the love of god, why are you running around for a man who wouldn’t ever do the same for you? Don’t we treat others how we wish to be treated? He didn’t help when you had given birth so he surely doesn’t expect your help now (and too fucking bad if he does)?

Honestly pretty much any time a man lies around the house for any length of time I feel murderous. Even one who was seriously ill.

This doesn’t sound a very happy marriage, lots of competition and you obviously hold a lot of resentment which is valid if he didn’t care for you after giving birth. It reminds me of my parents, ‘he did this and she did that‘, horrible for us kids. And they’re still the same years later. What a waste of life.

Oh come on - I wouldn’t even ask for an in surgery appointment unless he was taking regular painkillers first (and I’d expect to be given an appointment to see a nurse not a doctor), but to imagine you’re going to sound remotely credible talking about a GP home visit for slightly sore balls after a vasectomy?!!?

One of my SOs had a vasectomy 20+ years ago with more primitive surgery and he was back to work (office job, accountant) the next day -- in a suit & tie, etc. I recall he lounged around the night of with an ice pack but otherwise didn't make a big deal of it.

I would get all your life admin that needs doing and give him a big long list. Whilst he is sat there unable to move he can: do an online grocery shop, sort out renewal quotes for car/house/pet insurance etc, sort out wills, car tax/MOT/ ISA for kids - find anything - the more mundane the better. He'll be up and running in no time once he gets hit with that list !!!! And don't worry, he wont even get to the end of it so you can throw any old crap on it he won't know they don't need doing !! 😀

Tramadol is huge though isn’t it ? He must have actually been in huge pain (although tramadol is extremely efficient)
It doesn’t sound like the same level of pain, but really he should just go to the GP

THis is why I am wary of having my DH get it done. He's offered multiple times, but I can't quite face the whole thing. Maybe we end up with another baby and have it adopted, seems preferable!

Your DH sounds very brave. Tramadol isn’t a light one to give

But again, people react differently.

Its an intimate surgery, not all men accept at all to do it

As women we’ve been conditioned since the end of times for painful childbirth. I’m not saying it’s an excuse, but I just really don’t think 3 days is pushing it.

And there really are a lot of patients who will Google afterwards all the possible complications and maybe suspect them even if they aren’t really present (that whole psychological thing)

Really do just get him a GP appointment in person

Mine was back to work next day, it was barely a scratch. Like having the implant fitted I think

My Dh was back at work the next day. And that was after the op where they ballsed (snigger) up the anaesthetic injection and half of it ran down his leg! He didn't say anything until they started and he nearly hit the roof 😂

I'm not a fan of "I was doing the Boston Marathon a mere hour after I got my leg amputated" type comments. Why race to the bottom..?

I think a compassionate and equal system allows for compassion towards others. For example (or rather, in contrast), in the US, it's like a bragging competition about how much pain you can endure with all your organs falling out, before you take time off work and go to the doctor (and those are 2 separate actions that don't necessarily occur together)!

The system is neither compassionate – modern life, especially with kids, in many capitalist countries is unforgiving – nor gender equal. I feel like that's what this is about.

Sometimes it really is about personality differences (some people don't believe in any mollycoddling at all), but looks like OP would have liked more sympathy when she was indisposed, so not the case here.

Show him this thread.* The shame may shake him out of it, or may give him a dose of the huffs to boot.

*only a bit joking.

He tells me there are aches and he can feel it inside, and that it hurt him to go to the toilet!

Perhaps he'll be one of the men who don't heal so well. Isn't it about 10% that get constant pain and sexual issues afterwards? I'm sure DH was given an NHS leaflet that basically said the number of people with complications was going up.

You are being pretty unkind. I'm the same as you and was up and about within a couple of hours of major surgery, and looking after my baby, but I don't expect everyone else to be the same. And I'm awful at being a patient and letting people look after me.

To be honest, I'd genuinely be a bit concerned and be encouraging him to get medical advice at this point.

Dh booked his for a Friday, as we weren’t sure how he’d feel. He went to work fine 9 the Monday and didn’t need waiting on at all.
I guess everyone is different but he’s not feeling that awful if he can game.

My DH took the rest of the day off then went back to work.

He's taking the piss. Tell him you gave birth multiple times and never behaved in this manner. Pathetic.

When my kitten was done he was racing around the house that evening.

Totally taking the piss - minor keyhole surgery? No need at all.

OP it sounds like you are married to Paul from Motherland 😆
I know my hub will be exactly the same when his time comes ✂️you have my sympathy

DH was back at work in a manual job the next day. And that was after his lovely colleagues dedicated “Goodness gracious, great balls of fire” to him on the local radio. 🤣🤣🤣

My DH was like this too! Claimed it was much worse than people had told him it would be, was going on and on about how uncomfortable he was for bloody weeks!
I gave him 48 hours of sympathy and then ignored him! He still talks about how awful it was - poor love 😂

I've had mine on his hands and knees crying over tonsillitis. it's Icky when they behave like this. I had 3 births 2 sections and a full hysterectomy at 31 and I was still doing everything as normal.