AIBU to think it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a baby to nap in a cot?

[OdeToBarney]

DD is 9 months.

Has napped in her cot once or twice and only then with a lot of tears and anguish - on both sides. She sleeps in her cot at night an absolute dream.

All naps are currently co-sleeping and it's affecting my mental health. I get no break all day long. It's miserable. DH helps where he can, but he's working Monday to Friday.

I've tried again with a cot nap this afternoon and she just refuses to lay down and go to sleep. I tried from 1.45 - 3.30, took her downstairs, we played, had a drink and a clean nappy and I'm currently trying again as she is going to be a mega rat bag this evening if she doesn't sleep at all. But she just keeps standing up and cruising round the cot, before dropping on her bum, crawling around and starting all over again. She's been awake since 10.45am this morning (she had an hours contact nap at 9.45 after being up since 6.30, which is all normal).

We've had a sleep consultant who basically couldn't give us any magic answers. She just said well you have a high needs child, it's never going to be easy.

I can't go on like this. Help me please wise people of MN!

It may have saved your sanity, but it is destroying mine. She is perfectly capable of sleeping in a cot away from me for 11 hours at night, so I am hopeful it can be achieved in the day before I have a full on mental breakdown from 12 straight hours of meeting everyone else's demands but my own each day. The difference I have felt today from just 1.5 hours on my own in the middle of the day is quite incredible.

@OdeToBarney sounds like a tough ride. At 9
months our routine was (just sharing in case helpful as they do sound so similar!)

7 am bottle
8 am breakfast
no morning sleep
12.00 ish lunch, sometimes earlier like 11.45 if she was exhausted. Tried to make it nice and protein heavy.
12.45/1.00-3.00 nap
3.00 small snack, was meant to be a bottle but she lost all interest.
5.00 dinner lots of carbs and no fruit as it seemed to not sit well with bedtime milk
6.00 bath
6.30 bottle and lots of time winding down and stories etc
7.00 ish bed

I think it’s real progress she’s napped in her cot and whilst she will be super tired to begin with, I honestly think (and Hope!) for your sake this is the beginning of better sleep.

I know lots of PP have said give up trying to get cot naps, they did contact naps or drove round in the car etc, and that’s fine, sleep is such a contentious issue and very personal, but I personally wanted her to enjoy going down for a nap and then to bed in her cot and have good associations. I had no interest in letting her sleep on me or in bed or driving a car to get her to sleep. It was hard but worth it.

That's really helpful, thank you @maybein2022. They do sound very similar! Hopefully she will naturally extend the nap over the next couple of days, will probably help if I push it to 1pm too.

Now, for your next trick, can you help me with getting her to actually enjoy eating please?! 😅

7 am bottle
8 am breakfast
no morning sleep
12.00 ish lunch, sometimes earlier like 11.45 if she was exhausted. Tried to make it nice and protein heavy.
12.45/1.00-3.00 nap
3.00 small snack, was meant to be a bottle but she lost all interest.
5.00 dinner lots of carbs and no fruit as it seemed to not sit well with bedtime milk
6.00 bath
6.30 bottle and lots of time winding down and stories etc
7.00 ish bed

Your baby was so early for just one nap must have been exhausted!

@Isthisexpected she was very early, but she dropped all daytime sleep by 17 months. She was just naturally an active child who didn’t seem to need much sleep. It was hard for me because all my friends had babies who slept. But she is now a teenager and is perfectly fine. (And partial to a lie in!)

@OdeToBarney ha! Not sure on that. Just keep offering lots of things, make sure she’s not having massive amounts of milk and she’ll get there!

That’s good news OP 😀. All about them small wins to stay sane!

Not a good day today. Think I got cocky and tried to put her in the cot in her room, rather than our room (which is where she sleeps at night and napped yesterday and the day before). I even went out and got a blackout blind and second monitor. It's like she knew I'd gone and spent £100 and wanted to laugh at me... in all seriousness though, she was awake for 12 hours today. That's not normal, is it?

Unfortunately it is.

Move the cot back to your room or have a Moses basket on a stand in your room and the cot in her room.

Put her down for her nap in the Moses basket. In your room. Then carry the Moses basket and child and put both on the mattress in the cot. See if that works.

@LookItsMeAgain she's nearly 10 months old, even if she would fit in the moses, it's not safe. She's practically an Olympic gymnast 😬

She also woke 3 - 5am last night so maybe it's teething or something. I really don't know anymore.

@LookItsMeAgain - and to clarify - I meant 12 hours straight. Surely that's not normal?

Consistency is key so if the aim is to get her in her own room start doing that for all naps. I’d wait until your in a really solid rhythm before making any changes. These babies are fickle wee things - slightest change can throw them off so nail the foundation’s first!

Thanks @ign0re, will keep on, even though it is absolutely soul destroying 😅

My baby wouldn’t nap in the cot until he was just over 1 so I have sympathy -zero time to get anything done, though I did manage to watch a lot of reality tv on the iPad while he was sleeping!

I’m sure you’ve tried this but just as you don’t mention in your original post, are you able to transfer them into the cot when they are already asleep (e.g. from cosleeping?) it would only work once in a blue moon with mine but worth a try.

With my son I finally was able to get him to sleep in the cot after doing a kind of adapted pick up put down - I would rock him or hold him until he was getting drowsy and then pop him in the cot, then when he inevitably got upset and woke up I’d rock him until drowsy again and pop him back in, aiming to put him in when he was nearly asleep, not fully asleep, but always picking him up if he was upset. Sometimes I’d be doing that for an hour, it was not easy but eventually we got to a stage where I could put him in fully awake and he’d go to sleep which he still does now.

It really is soul destroying but when you get there it’s so satisfying. Get all your chores done whilst they’re awake so you can sit down and enjoy those cot naps 🎉

Ahahaha! Sorry OP, but the mere sight of a cot in the daytime would mean that my kids all resolved then and there not to sleep for the next 12 hours at least! I swear one had a 24 hour awake stretch just after catching sight of a dog safety door. Loads of kids won’t nap in cots. Thankfully mine would normally nap in a pushchair at some point but I also didn’t ever try to “put them down” or establish any kind of real routine, other than trying not to have naps after about 4pm. I’d say stop trying with the cot and get on with your life, maybe try and have some fresh air and activity in the morning followed by quiet time in a pram, car seat or at home downstairs after lunch, but honestly this is really common. I’m amazed that they sleep in the cot at night TBH.

Maybe focus on getting her settled in cot for one nap first of all. The morning one will probably be easier. We have been capping this nap at 30 minutes to ensure baby is tired enough for lunch nap. Would also recommend white noise along with blackout blind.

mine had stopped napping by this age

I did no research whatsoever and have a baby who naps 1-2 times every day, wherever I put her and eats everything she’s given. We don’t all research our way through parenthood.

I find what I read on MN about ‘normal child development’ to be very far away from anything I see in real life.

Noooo @Nimbostratus100 😱 just how?!

Sorry I have no help to offer as my 10mo has never napped in the cot (gave up trying it was so so stressful) but just wanted to say that I hard relate to this with mine:

It's like babysitting a really hyperactive drunk.

I desperately feel your pain. I sought help when my little one was 6.5 months old because I just couldn’t take every single nap on me or in the pram at that point. Here’s what worked for me:

• firstly, the Little Ones app was bloody helpful and I liked the “village” to ask questions about sleep
• at 9 months old, the morning nap should be capped at 30 mins so they have enough awake time to be tired for the longer middle of the day nap
• absolutely zero light in the room, blackout blind essential
• white noise, loud
• putting down baby on their side or stomach for the nap (by this age they can roll so no worries), firmly patting the bottom, saying it’s sleep time now
• no contact naps, cold turkey on them now

It took 4 days of consistency with this and then we became trapped to house naps forevermore 🤪 but at least you get a desperately needed moment to yourself.

It’s so so tempting to let them sleep longer in the morning when they are clearly tired, particularly when you have an early riser and you’re sleep deprived too. But cutting the morning nap short will guarantee you a good solid middle of the day nap.

good luck, you can do it

Our baby sounds very similar, 9 months old. We have suspected that she would count as a high needs baby. I'm sorry to not have any useful advice but - solidarity!

I sometimes get the feeling that family think we're just being precious! Ever since she was a tiny baby there's the odd comment like, "well, if she's tired, she'll just sleep"...

My two never napped in a cot at byt my youngest did at nursery only. Carseat, pushchair or sling only.

Neither of mine slept in the cot for naps (or at night to be honest) - they both slept in a sling and in the buggy so I just walked a lot and listened to podcasts and audiobooks which got me the head space I needed - and they I handed the little darlings to their dad the exact second he walked through the door and then collapsed in a heap! They both stopped needing to nap before two and it was a huge relief not having to spend so much of my life getting them to sleep!