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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a baby to nap in a cot?

174 replies

OdeToBarney · 30/01/2023 16:30

DD is 9 months.

Has napped in her cot once or twice and only then with a lot of tears and anguish - on both sides. She sleeps in her cot at night an absolute dream.

All naps are currently co-sleeping and it's affecting my mental health. I get no break all day long. It's miserable. DH helps where he can, but he's working Monday to Friday.

I've tried again with a cot nap this afternoon and she just refuses to lay down and go to sleep. I tried from 1.45 - 3.30, took her downstairs, we played, had a drink and a clean nappy and I'm currently trying again as she is going to be a mega rat bag this evening if she doesn't sleep at all. But she just keeps standing up and cruising round the cot, before dropping on her bum, crawling around and starting all over again. She's been awake since 10.45am this morning (she had an hours contact nap at 9.45 after being up since 6.30, which is all normal).

We've had a sleep consultant who basically couldn't give us any magic answers. She just said well you have a high needs child, it's never going to be easy.

I can't go on like this. Help me please wise people of MN!

OP posts:
autumnnightsaredrawingin · 30/01/2023 18:04

My first one was like this. Incredibly high needs and also just needed very little sleep. By 8 months if I wanted her to sleep at lunchtime at all, she had to have no morning sleep. Absolute nightmare. I used to religiously have the same routine every day for her lunchtime sleep, lunch around 12, clean nappy, put down, leave. If she cried and wouldn’t settle, leave for a couple of mins, go back in, pat but don’t pick up, reassure, leave. And repeat. It’s not for everyone and it can be so, so hard. By 17 months she had dropped all daytime sleep.

So I would actually try and push for no morning nap, and try and get her to at least 12.30 for her lunchtime nap.

Poppymil · 30/01/2023 18:04

Sorry if I've missed bits out but if you pop her in your bed and lay there until she drops off are you able to then get out? My DD does this sometimes and once she's asleep I can creep off without her realising to then get stuff done x

Pinkypurplecloud · 30/01/2023 18:10

OdeToBarney · 30/01/2023 17:59

I feel like this is what I need to do. Thanks @Pinkypurplecloud. Going to sort the blind ASAP, cut down the morning nap to 30 minutes and if we still have no joy with the afternoon nap, I guess it will be time to try 1 nap a day. Just hope she can go 6.30 - midday as lunch is at 11.30 and I don't really want to change that because that's the time she'll have lunch at nursery when she starts in April. Although maybe she will sleep later in the morning? What time did yours get up and go to bed on one nap a day?

They woke up stupidly early (between 5 and 6), had afternoon nap 12-2, sometimes 12-2:30 and were in bed by 7pm. Usually slept through the night. I’d have preferred to shift everything later by an hour to get a more reasonable wake up time, but it just didn’t work, they woke early anyway and I felt they were a fairly decent sleeper so it wasn’t a battle I fought.

And then I had DC2, who had to fit in with DC1 and napped beautifully anywhere and everywhere. That one woke daily at 4:45am for a year though….

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 30/01/2023 18:13

It's so tough isn't it @autumnnightsaredrawingin. What was your DC's night sleep like? Sometimes I feel so ungrateful because she sleeps so well at night, but I'd actually rather have to do one or two night feeds if it meant I got some rest/time in the day. What time did your DC wake in order to stay awake until lunchtime?

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToBarney · 30/01/2023 18:15

Poppymil · 30/01/2023 18:04

Sorry if I've missed bits out but if you pop her in your bed and lay there until she drops off are you able to then get out? My DD does this sometimes and once she's asleep I can creep off without her realising to then get stuff done x

Sadly I can't do this as she's on the move because if I was to be downstairs when she woke, she'd be head first off the bed before I'd had time to race upstairs. She is SO quick and when she wakes it's literally like someone has clicked a switch and turned her on at the mains! Plus we have a lot of stairs.

OP posts:
Paq · 30/01/2023 18:20

A day a week at nursery sounds like a good thing for all of you.

My DD was the same, never napped in the day without a fight. It's a killer. My sympathies.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 30/01/2023 18:20

I used to put my down for their nap, fed changed etc, white noise on and then I went in the shower for 5 minutes. 8/10 they were asleep by the time I got out. If they weren’t, fine, they’d only been grumbling for a short while and I’d showered.

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 30/01/2023 18:21

It was horrible. She is nearly 14 now and still doesn’t need much sleep.

She was awake around 6.30/7. If she had too much sleep it would be 4/5 am. Hideous.

While we were trying to get the lunchtime nap sorted I kept mornings quite low key. An outing for fresh air but making sure she didn’t have a chance to fall asleep in the buggy. Big lunch. Early if needs be. I remember when we’d had a good amount of time when she’d actually sleep at lunchtime, she started waking at 5 again. I thought she was way too young to drop her lunchtime sleep. She wasn’t. 17 months. I could have cried! Sending strength, it’s very, very hard with a baby like this. She was also walking and on the move very early, and never slept as a newborn so as much as I loved her it was very hard.

BridieConvert · 30/01/2023 18:21

What's the room like during the day? Do you have a blackout blind/curtain or is it really bright? Is it noisy?

To get my daughter to nap in her cot we needed the blackout blind down and white noise on (we live on a pretty busy road). Olly the owl or Ewan the dream sheep were good to help her drift off :)
But if the room was bright there was zero chance she would nap!

Michellexxx · 30/01/2023 18:25

My kids have all napped in their cots. Blackout blinds, white noise and sleeping bags/comforters helped. I just persevered to be honest, and eventually their bodies got
used to sleeps at those times. I think they had about 40 mins at 9ish, then about 2-3hours at around 12/1pm.

Im afraid it doesn’t just happen overnight though. I echo pp and I would pop them in, go for a shower then check etc. people do seem to think a baby will drop straight off, and whilst that’s true sometimes, they usually chatter/grumble for a bit first.

Good luck! Perseverance is key.

romdowa · 30/01/2023 18:27

My ds 15 months won't nap in his cot. I have to roll him round in his buggy , at night then he has to be rocked to sleep. It's torture but it's the only way. He's always been a bad sleeper. I'm just hoping at some stage he grows out of it

Musicparent23 · 30/01/2023 18:33

Will she nap on your lap on the sofa? I used to get food and a book ready and then have baby nap on my lap which was quite pleasant!

Musicparent23 · 30/01/2023 18:34

Ps we used to put the same film on every day which I know is not ideal but it signified nap time and meant they were used to tv noise whilst asleep!

AFineBalance · 30/01/2023 18:35

Have you got anywhere you could have a mattress on the floor so you could co settle then roll away?

also don’t feel bad about getting extra help in, have you go any family/friends that could take her out (awake for a walk in buggy maybe) so you can catch up? Or start a bit of nursery if it helps keep you sane.

keep talking to her telling her everything you are doing - here are your toys while mummy is in the shower etc, get her to join in from the high chair with dinner prep (give her safe utensils to bang around with)

good luck!

Inkpotlover · 30/01/2023 18:39

Mine was like this and like you I was starting to go stir crazy from having them only sleep on me. So I set aside a week to nap train, made no plans to go out and filled the fridge with wine for the evening knowing I'd need a glass! It was so bloody tough but by the end of the week we cracked it and after that she slept two-three hours every afternoon and I got my sanity back. I definitely think dropping the morning nap will help you, OP. Good luck!

Fortuny · 30/01/2023 18:41

I agree @AFineBalance, pop the cot mattress on the floor as a trial and co-nap then eventually you should be able to roll away.

Monkeyrules · 30/01/2023 18:41

I'm sorry OP but my almost 3 year old has never napped in a cot. It's either sleeping in the pushchair which he's now grown out of or in the car.

Mumsanetta · 30/01/2023 18:41

My DC4 did all naps and night time sleep in her cot but I followed a sleep program - Little Ones. Have a read as I highly recommend it. Blackout blind and white noise* were a must for us. At your child’s age I think an hour in the morning is way too much, suggests they are catching up on lost night time sleep. Any routine takes persistence and I actually think it’s cruel and confusing to half try new routines on a child and then give up on them.

*funnily enough yesterday my 4 yr old asked me about the “shh” noise that used to come on at bedtime. She said she remembers not knowing what it was but liked listening to it.

walkinthewoodstoday · 30/01/2023 18:43

Hard! What would happen if you slept with her in the cot to get her used to in and gradually stopped/ retreated once she was asleep?

boxingdayisbest · 30/01/2023 18:47

Have you tried going to one nap?

Definitely get blackout blinds.

Also you can't do contact naps and expect her not to get confused/prefer that.

StillTryingtoBuy · 30/01/2023 18:49

OdeToBarney · 30/01/2023 18:15

Sadly I can't do this as she's on the move because if I was to be downstairs when she woke, she'd be head first off the bed before I'd had time to race upstairs. She is SO quick and when she wakes it's literally like someone has clicked a switch and turned her on at the mains! Plus we have a lot of stairs.

Show quote history

Re: stairs get a stair gate? And also a bed rail thingy…or lie with the baby on a mattress on the ground if you have space for a single one somewhere. I would do whatever you need to do to make a safe sleep space you can leave the baby basically. Or at least start to leave her and do what you can upstairs, staying close to her?

converseandjeans · 30/01/2023 18:50

I'm not sure she is tired enough @Cattenberg. Will try a shorter morning nap at 9am for max 30 minutes and if that doesn't work, time for 1 nap a day maybe?

I think the morning nap is probably too long & they aren't tired enough at lunch. I reckon 30 mins would be enough.

Can you do jobs when baby is awake? I used to keep busy doing house stuff when kids were awake & then use nap time to crash out. Unfortunately I had to go back to work quite quickly but on weekends and if I had a day off in the week that's what I did.

I think if you can afford it then a day a week at nursery would help.

Babyboomtastic · 30/01/2023 18:57

Bedrails, floorbed, mat on floor, stairgate etc, and practice escaping whilst she's asleep.

Mine have slept in buggies, slings, the floor, beach, beds, anywhere, but they have never just fallen asleep in a cot+or equivalent) by themselves. They gave they been fed to sleep then transferred, cuddled to sleep then transferred, slung to sleep then transferred etc.

Twizbe · 30/01/2023 19:03

What would she do if you put her in the cot and just ignored her for a bit?

It sounds harsh but it was how I discovered my DD could nap in the cot at around 4 months.

I put her in while I was sorting out some of her clothes. I was sat in the room, but I wasn't playing with her because I was busy.

She had been babbling to herself and when I looked over she was asleep.

Could you try that? Also, is she's happy in her cot just playing you could just leave her and see what happens. If she's happily chatting to herself with a toy that might be enough for her to go to sleep.

Sleepless1096 · 30/01/2023 19:07

If she's on the move, I'd get her out of the house and tire her out as much as possible in the fresh air. Get waterproof mittens and take her somewhere she can crawl about as much as possible. I used to try to absolutely exhaust my eldest in our local playground... he'd crawl around the toddler playframe and through the playhouse and collapse physically exhausted in the pram.

What also worked for getting him to sleep was a swaddle wrap around his arms (just a strip of thick stretchy material with velcro on it). He'd be in a baby sleeping bag but I'd put the swaddle wrap around his arms and he'd go to sleep next to me in our bed. I'd then lower him into the cot and the wrap would keep him from startling. When he was settled, I'd remove the wrap.