AIBU to think it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a baby to nap in a cot?

[OdeToBarney]

DD is 9 months.

Has napped in her cot once or twice and only then with a lot of tears and anguish - on both sides. She sleeps in her cot at night an absolute dream.

All naps are currently co-sleeping and it's affecting my mental health. I get no break all day long. It's miserable. DH helps where he can, but he's working Monday to Friday.

I've tried again with a cot nap this afternoon and she just refuses to lay down and go to sleep. I tried from 1.45 - 3.30, took her downstairs, we played, had a drink and a clean nappy and I'm currently trying again as she is going to be a mega rat bag this evening if she doesn't sleep at all. But she just keeps standing up and cruising round the cot, before dropping on her bum, crawling around and starting all over again. She's been awake since 10.45am this morning (she had an hours contact nap at 9.45 after being up since 6.30, which is all normal).

We've had a sleep consultant who basically couldn't give us any magic answers. She just said well you have a high needs child, it's never going to be easy.

I can't go on like this. Help me please wise people of MN!

Have you tried getting her to nap (or at least offering a nap) at the same time every day? Not worrying so much about where or how. Once she gets into a pattern of expecting a nap at a certain time she may then be easier to fight on the cot naps

Oh dear - I’m sorry, then I’m all out of ideas! She’s a feisty one :)

Yes, this has been really helpful in establishing a routine. Now we want to take it to the next level 😬

Thankfully she's clever but not that clever 🤣 feeding to sleep doesn't work though. She's incredibly boisterous. This morning she tried to throw herself off the bed on to the cot bars and was quite upset I wouldn't let her. It's like babysitting a really hyperactive drunk, trying to stop herself hurting herself - and I'm not that precious about little bumps either!

She literally hates everything suggested 😩 sling, pram, feeding to sleep, chill time... going to try a few ideas like shortening the morning nap, maybe stopping it altogether, cot mattress on the floor etc though.

Errr well tomorrow's plan is off as poor dd has her first sick bug 😔

Poor thing. Could her behaviour over the past few days be down to her starting to feel poorly? Maybe now, if she is sick, she might stop fighting the sleep and actually welcome it. Also, if she is on any medication, it might have a drowsy aspect to it and she might welcome the sleep.

DC is 8.5months and naps 3 times a day in the cot.

But we sleep trained 3 months ago, and put in cot I'm her room (with a monitor at 3.5 months).

End result is all they know is sleeping in cot.

This is me with DD1 and now again with DD3.
DD2 was fine, I honestly think it’s the baby.
DD3 will sometimes go in a pram inside the house if rocked back and forth otherwise it’s the carrier.

Do you go back to work at 12 months or can you go back earlier? Nurseries/childminders seem to
be magic and they nap there just not in the cot at home.

No magic words. It’s just some babies.

No @LookItsMeAgain - she's always been like this with the cot or crib and day time naps. She's actually fine in herself, just vommy! Poor thing 😢

It's hard isn't it @Led92. I go back to work when she's 13 months and she'll be at nursery 3 days a week. I'm thinking of starting her 1 day a week soon, but just had the letter from nursery with the details of the fee rise - now £85 per day 🙃

I have great sympathy for you @OdeToBarney - my eldest daughter never, ever settled in a cot during the day whether she went in awake or asleep! We’d go for 1.5 hour walks in the pram and she’d get 20mins tops but wake if I stopped for more than a few minutes (eg to wait for the green man at a traffic crossing). Luckily for me she slept at night, and I’m relieved to hear your little one also does.

The only thing that settled her in the day was constant motion. If you can source one of these (quite old fashioned style now!) it could be worth a go, for a little rest for you both. I hope things settle for you soon.

www.bambinoworld.co.uk/2-in-1-highchair-baby-swing-new-bluenavy.html

Any luck @OdeToBarney? I also have a chronic napper and am sick of endless pram walks.

My DS is now 20 months and has napped in his cot since he was 6 months. He has a better sleep in it than the buggy or car and it’s longer too. Here’s what I did - took some grit and determination but was worth it. worth saying that he used to have contact naps and I’d then try to put him in the bassinet which was hit and miss.

First cot nap - nap routine - nappy/ sleeping bag/ dummy/ white noise / curtains plus black out (Tommie tippee -
no cracked windows here). Put him in awake - he hated it. Took 34 mins of patting and shushing (didn’t get him out) - I was next to him in the room then he fell asleep for 30 mins - I waited at end of cot to make sure he was asleep then crept out. Next cot nap it took 10 mins of the same and he slept for 45/50 mins. Next one took a few minutes and he slept for over an hour.
Then, I moved to the above but when I put him down I moved to bottom of the cot and “hid “ (sounds ridiculous I know) but watched him on the monitor- and when he was asleep (10 mins or so) would creep out the room.
then progressed to putting him down awake and then leaving the room. We did this consistently for all his naps other than the odd one here or there in the car/ out and about but I’ve prioritised this as he sleeps better then sleeps well at night (7pm - 5.30ish).

when we had the naps down, then changed his bedroom routine to put him in the cot awake after his stories. And he goes to sleep - generally each time within about 10 mins.

white noise we use is Hatch - louder for naps than at night.
I also use the huckleberry app too. He generally has 2 naps a day now and then his night time sleep though if he wakes after 6, can so 1 nap.

So many people will say your baby doesn’t need to nap - I’d suggest the opposite is true and she needs more than 30 mins in the morning….they do say that the more sleep they have in the day the better they sleep at night too as not too overtired too.

Appreciate my approach may not suit others - that’s fine but hope some of it helps!

Just to add to my long post - this was definitely a long game and took a lot of perseverance. It didn’t just happen overnight but I felt it was the right thing for us all so felt quite determined about it!!

Mine was the same OP. I gave up and just did car naps as he’d sleep ok in car. Bit ridiculous (and petrol not cheap!) I know but only thing that worked and at least then I could read in car.

It's finally happened! Thank the good lord and you wonderful people of MN!

I tried to put her down this morning, she wasn't having any of it. Much crying, climbing the cot etc. Abandoned after 45 minutes and came downstairs, played, did some jobs and had lunch. Took her back up and she settled down after about 20 minutes and slept for 90 minutes!

I do feel that 2.15 - 7/7.30pm is a long time for a 9 month old to go before bed time, and ultimately 6.30am - 7/7.30pm all day, but I guess if it works, it works. Will trial it for a couple more days and see how we get on. But I still have this feeling something isn't quite right with our routine?

Sorry but mine never napped in a cot either. It was definitely tough. She only cat-napped. Especially when I put her down, or the car or pushchair stopped moving when sleeping in either of those. She would wake within minutes.

Wish you lots of luck and strength! Sorry no actual advice though.

I stopped trying at 4 weeks. Why would be easy? How does a baby know that being away from their mother is "right"? It's not what they want and they have no other context.

It's the biological norm worldwide and evolutionarily. Trying to go against it, well,..... this. Not worth it. Co-sleeping saved my sanity and I'm sure my baby a lot of stress.

@OdeToBarney that’s great! She’s obviously just the same type as mine was! So what time did she go down? Honestly, it does feel like not much sleep but some babies just don’t need as much. Ideally you want that lunchtime nap to stretch to two hours, 1.00-3.00 but that will come I’m sure! For now, 12.45-2.15 or whatever you did is great for a baby who didn’t nap at all in her cot!! Keep going. Can I also ask what her food and milk intake is like? That’s the other thing that made a big difference to my DD.

Oh OP I feel for you. My DD never ever wanted to nap in her cot and it almost broke me, especially as she was my first child and I really doubted myself and every decision I made! I’m sure you’ve tried this but it’s worth giving white noise a go. Will she taken a dummy? DD never took a dummy and I do think this contributed to her difficulty in settling. As a last resort I used to take her for a drive and she’d usually doze off and I’d park up and have a mental rest, go on my phone, text friends etc. it wasn’t perfect but it did give me a breather.

I had DS five months ago and he takes a dummy and will cot nap with a dummy and white noise. He’s a very different baby. My DD just always managed to power through whereas DS just crashes out. I still can’t believe I have a baby that naps after tearing my hair out with DD. I do sometimes think boys (like men!) can be a bit simpler in their needs than girls.

My DD is now 5 and can still power through and stay up late even when she’s exhausted. But the flip side is she’s an incredibly sharp and funny girl, I can take her anywhere as she’s so engaged with the world (just as she was as a baby) and we’re incredibly close. Just wanted to give you a bit of hope that an alert little DD baby does eventually turn into an amazing alert and wonderful DD child!

Sorry just read your update that she napped!! Amazing! I hope you enjoyed a leisurely cuppa!

Not read all the thread but wanted to say is her room properly dark and do you put her in a sleeping bag thingy?

I worked really hard at getting dd to nap in the day as I really needed the break, I had a day time nap routine a bit like a bedtime routine. Quiet time in the room, a bf, took some clothes off and lay down in sleeping bag in a very dark, quiet room.

@autumnnightsaredrawingin she went down about 12.45. To be honest this evening's been a bit of a mess, she's just going down now (nice and easily) but she's definitely been tired. I think she woke when she did because she didn't get her bottle before her nap, I gave it to her after. If she had the bottle at 12.30 and nap 1-3pm, that would probably be better.

Her food/milk intake is a whole other thread. We've had a really dreadful time with cmpa, severe reflux, constipation and just general feeding issues. She was also tongue tied until 6 weeks old. Before she had a gastro bug last week, I finally felt like we'd found a groove. 7oz at 6.30/7am, breakfast, lunch, 7oz at 1/1.30pm before nap, dinner, 8oz at 6.15pm before bed at 7pm, asleep by 7.15/7.30pm However she's not really keen on food. She was initially when weaning, but I think the gaps between milk/meals is too small (although it is always around 1-1.5 hours, so maybe not?) Or maybe she was filling up on too much milk. We cut her milk down a bit today and that definitely made a difference to her food intake, but she's still also recovering I think so it's hard to tell what's what.

I'm going to keep going for a few more days but if you have any suggested tweaks please let me know! Or anyone else for that matter!