AIBU to think it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a baby to nap in a cot?

[OdeToBarney]

DD is 9 months.

Has napped in her cot once or twice and only then with a lot of tears and anguish - on both sides. She sleeps in her cot at night an absolute dream.

All naps are currently co-sleeping and it's affecting my mental health. I get no break all day long. It's miserable. DH helps where he can, but he's working Monday to Friday.

I've tried again with a cot nap this afternoon and she just refuses to lay down and go to sleep. I tried from 1.45 - 3.30, took her downstairs, we played, had a drink and a clean nappy and I'm currently trying again as she is going to be a mega rat bag this evening if she doesn't sleep at all. But she just keeps standing up and cruising round the cot, before dropping on her bum, crawling around and starting all over again. She's been awake since 10.45am this morning (she had an hours contact nap at 9.45 after being up since 6.30, which is all normal).

We've had a sleep consultant who basically couldn't give us any magic answers. She just said well you have a high needs child, it's never going to be easy.

I can't go on like this. Help me please wise people of MN!

Some really good ideas here re cot mattress on the floor etc, so thank you everyone.

As predicted, the evening was a shit show, but she's falling asleep at this very minute so at least we made it 😅

I have cancelled our plans for tomorrow as PP said, we need to be consistent and it is confusing/cruel to stop/start. I have nothing else planned all week. Tonight I will order the blackout material too.

Tomorrow I will do the morning nap at 9am (tbh 9.30 feels like a stretch at the moment anyway so I think this should be OK) for no more than 30 minutes. Then we'll see how the afternoon goes. She has been going down at 2pm, but I wonder whether we need to bring that closer to 1/1.30pm? Grateful if anyone has any ideas on this and I will report back tomorrow.

Thanks again for all the useful suggestions and @autumnnightsaredrawingin - it sounds like we have the same child!

There's more chance of pigs flying than her falling asleep like this 🤣 she cruises around and then starts shouting when she's bored - whether I'm in the room or not 😬

2 pm definitely too late. Good idea re morning nap only 30 mins but don’t be surprised if you do need to drop it to get her to have a decent lunchtime sleep quite soon. Good luck! We do have the same child it seems but 13/14 years on she is a delight. (Mostly!)

I’m sorry - I haven’t read all the replies but have you thought about a sleeping bag? Would stop her from wondering about - just a suggestion though. The blackout curtain and white noise along with a sleeping bag and I think you’re onto a winner. Good luck!

Glad to hear we can expect improvements @maybein2022 😁 what time do you think for afternoon nap - 1pm?

@Avacadoandtoast she has a sleeping bag and doesn't let such silly things get in the way of her standing and cruising 🤦‍♀️🤣

DS1 never ever napped in his cot. Only when being walked in the pram or driven in the car. He stopped napping completely at twelve months too.
Luckily slept all night.
DS2 napped in the cot every day for two hours until he was three.

If you can get her to sleep on you, put her in the cot bum first. Putting them down head first can activate a startle response which wakes them.

It blows my mind now incredibly different siblings can be!

12.30/1 is a good time for the afternoon nap: then up by 3pm.
Of she’s shouting/cruising, then just leave her. She’ll eventually get bored and lie down. My second didn’t like much patting etc to go to sleep and I discovered I had been intervening too much.
It’s obviously easy for me to say now that I am on the other side of it though!

I tell a lie. DS1 once did nap in the cot. I remember it vividly. I plonked him there whilst I hoovered round in an effort to catch up on housework and when I'd finished he was asleep.
I'd be tempted to leave her shouting in the cot tbh. Unless she's very distressed it should give you time to have a shower/bru etc.
DS2 was often left as with two I just always couldn't jump immediately to his needs. Maybe that's the secret?

Mine never went to sleep in his cot, day or night. We lay next to him on the bed until he fell asleep and then transferred him to the cot. I didn't see the point in making sleep time stressful for him by expecting him to suddenly learn to fall asleep by himself as it just wasn't happening (this isn't a criticism of anyone else, just our specific circumstance). And I definitely wasn't going to sleep train in any form.

He dropped his nap just before 2 and now still falls asleep with one of us lying next to him but takes about 5 mins. We then just put him into his bed.

He has always slept really well for naps and bedtime sleep it's just the getting to sleep he likes us to be there for.

First of all, go easy on yourself, you're doing great!
Took me ages to get mine for a cot nap, but he would sleep happily on a folded duvet on the floor.
What about quiet time instead of a nap? So put little one down with some relaxing music, don't expect her to nap just have a little down time whilst you Potter about close by. She might nod off.
Or she might not lol, babies are hard. Just keep repeating to yourself, it's just a phase.

It is hard to be sleep deprived. Some babies just don't need two naps a day, even from a young age. I would drop one nap and aim for one again, even if it means a walk in a buggy or short car drive. At one point I drove for 15 minutes until DD was asleep then sat in car by a beach with a book and a,flask of coffee for a bit of a break while DD remained asleep. Not ideal I know BB it better than her awake and screaming when she was really tired. I got a break and it meant she wasn't totally stressed and overtired at bedtime. It's hard op. Are you going back to work at some point? Sometimes they settle into an afternoon sleep routine better when they go to nursery 💐

It’s so hard, I can relate. My daughter slept about 3 times in her cot for a nap. I found it so hard my mental health took a massive toll. I ended up having to drive her around for every nap for 2 years. Ridiculous in hindsight but my mental health so so bad I couldn’t cope with it any other way. But there was no let up. I couldn’t bring myself to have another after that. I think it’s a bit to do with the luck of the draw. I hope you crack it ☘️

Sorry meant to name change- I am autumnnightsaredrawingin! Yes aim for 1 pm. Good luck!

I have never in a million years been able to put either of mine down fully awake for a cot nap. They would just freak out when they realised I'd left the room and get themselves much too worked up to sleep.

I feed/rock/cuddle to sleep for naps and gently transfer to the cot. They do stir on the transfer sometimes but can usually be stroked and sssh'd back to sleep pretty easily if that happens.

My eldest didn't drop to one nap until 16 months, but he did used to do two decent naps being fed to sleep before that - maybe 45 mins in the morning and 90 mins after lunch. I used to put him down asleep at night as well until he was about 2, by which time he was sleeping through for about 11 hours almost every night. I think the whole idea that they have to go to sleep independently in order to connect sleep cycles is a myth, or at least isn't true for all babies.

This. Sometimes babies need to be left alone to settle. I know this isnt a popular opinion but like with adults it can take them a while to settle. As long they arent crying a lot or a very upset,, it is ok to leave them. Think of it as their downtime. Good luck OP

A pandemic and lockdown is brilliant for achieving cot naps. It's all my days ever consisted of with DD. But, failing that - time, consistency, white noise, blackout blind, mini nap time ritual (shortened version of bedtime). Of all these things, consistency proved key. Just keep doing it even if you feel you're getting nowhere. It should click eventually but can take two weeks or so

I feel your pain with this!

DD has never ever napped in a cot. Ever.

I manage to get her to nap by putting something really boring on the TV and lying next to her on the sofa while she has some milk, once she’s gone I sort of sneak out from behind her and sometimes manage to escape.

I have found the more she sleeps the better she sleeps…so I never ever wake her!

I bought a second hand bugaboo for this purpose. It never left the living room. And I had an easy good natured non-clingy baby. Watching a baby not napping is torturous. Much less stressful to walk them about in buggy or sling and if they nap great, if not at least you've got something done.

OP, I really empathise.
Is there anyone - close friend or relative who can come in the day for an hour or so and just let you do whatever you need to? Are you able to catch up on sleep at the weekend when your partner is around? Just to carve out little bits of time for yourself.

Have you tried a montessori style floor bed for naps?
Basically a cot mattress on the floor. My DD napped like that at that age (I lay down with her at first, then tiptoed away as she was drowsy). She was in her room which was totally child proofed/Montessori style so there was nothing that could fall on her, and had a stairgate on the door with the door open, so If she woke up it would be ok.
We lived in a small flat at the time though, and I could hear everything in there, so depends on your home. I would usually be able to get a couple of precious hours though.

Also - this might seem obvious, is the room really dark? We had to put proper black out sheets up.

I feel for you - My DD would not go in her cot at all, even at night. We did floor mattress or sling naps or co-sleeping only. Used to hear about all these magical babies who slept through the night and self settling in their own beds, but ALMOST everyone I knew with one of these had done some form of Cry It Out, which I wasn’t prepared to do.

It does get better! But some extra help is what you need in the meantime.

Neither of mine were really brilliant sleepers at any time or place!

DD much worse than DS both in terms of night sleep and naps - but she was very unwell in the early days (but crucially not an ICU new born - it was a heart condition that she had) so understandable. She was very high needs anyway though - wonderful but high needs. If it helps she’s turned out to be exceptionally bright!

DS a much better sleeper than DD to be fair but even he wasn’t a “oh it’s 1 pm let’s pop you in your cot and see you in two hours, during which you’ll sleep like and angel” type baby.

A lot of it was very much pushing round in a buggy, driving in a car seat etc, or just jiggling up and down / feed to sleep in the earlier days - then becoming expert in transferring them to the cot.That walk between car seat and cot with them pressed to your chest in fear they’ll wake is the most careful walk you ever do!

@shiningstar2 yes back to work in April/May - timing depends on whether I get a new job or not. I've toyed with the idea of going back resort but nursery can't take her for the number of days I need until then.

Oh I agree Montessori bed is probably great - wish I’d done that now!

Also I’ll tell you where they did nap for 2 hours at a time like a dream - bloody nursery.