AIBU to think it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a baby to nap in a cot?

[OdeToBarney]

DD is 9 months.

Has napped in her cot once or twice and only then with a lot of tears and anguish - on both sides. She sleeps in her cot at night an absolute dream.

All naps are currently co-sleeping and it's affecting my mental health. I get no break all day long. It's miserable. DH helps where he can, but he's working Monday to Friday.

I've tried again with a cot nap this afternoon and she just refuses to lay down and go to sleep. I tried from 1.45 - 3.30, took her downstairs, we played, had a drink and a clean nappy and I'm currently trying again as she is going to be a mega rat bag this evening if she doesn't sleep at all. But she just keeps standing up and cruising round the cot, before dropping on her bum, crawling around and starting all over again. She's been awake since 10.45am this morning (she had an hours contact nap at 9.45 after being up since 6.30, which is all normal).

We've had a sleep consultant who basically couldn't give us any magic answers. She just said well you have a high needs child, it's never going to be easy.

I can't go on like this. Help me please wise people of MN!

Dts never napped in the cot until they had just turned one, I gave up trying tbh, it was more stressful trying to get them sleeping in the cot. They only napped in their bouncy chairs with me rocking them or in the pram / car. I walked A LOT, every day.

So sorry, no advice, but yes it's shit and hopefully she will grow out of it.

My two never napped in their cots. DS (youngest) I got to nap really well in his pram/ pushchair which was super convenient as I could then do stuff with DD and not be house bound. If I ever had another (which I won't), that's definitely what I would do aghain. It's also much easier as the motion tends to send them to sleep to get them used to it, but once he was used to it, even if we were at home I would just pop him in, roll him back and forth a bit and off he went.

This is my fear @MaverickGooseGoose but I just can't do it any longer. We were (gently) nap training before Christmas but stopped because I felt it was less stressful to just give in to the co sleeping naps. But this needs to stop, I need some space. I'm not even dressed.

I love her so much but jfc she's a demanding little thing!

Hats off to you in the same scenario but with DT 😱

Sorry, but IRL hardly anyone I know, myself included had a baby that went down for two naps a day like clockwork and in a cot. We had a cot with DC1, that was used twice and never again, so got rid of it and didn’t bother with the other DC. We put a twin mattress on the floor in the childs room and that’s where they napped if/when they felt like it. The whole scheduled nap thing never worked. Every DC was different. One would run ragged, refuse to go for an nap and then fall asleep mid-play and we’d take them up and tuck them in. One would suddenly start crawling upstairs and then tuck themselves in for a nap (which blew my mind actually). The other DCs were in between where they’d get sleepy and be ok with being taken up for a nap.

Does she nap in a buggy? I've never had a cot napper.

DS never napped in his cot. We would face him inwards in his sling, walk around until he was asleep, gently lower him into his flat buggy, undo the sling and strap him in.

@Slowingdownagain I've tried the pram many times but she refuses to fall asleep in that too. Oh she did once, in ikea of all the places! I've literally tried everything. The car works pretty reliably but I'm not driving round twice a day!

@AuntSallie but they all slept? She would never fall asleep mid play, the highchair, or anywhere like that. I would actually die if that ever happened. I guarantee what will happen now is that she'll be mardy all evening and then be falling asleep on her bedtime bottle. She's currently screaming at me from the cot...

Why would you expect a baby, who depends on you for absolutely everything, to be anything but “demanding”, as you so nicely put it?

I used a blackout blind for day time for naps, it was homemade and I’m talking taped to the window to let zero light in.

She napped for 2-3 hours at a time in her cot until she was over 3yo and did 11-12 hrs at night (not all the way through). No blackout blind - she didn’t nap! She would also sleep instantly in the pram when walking so I was known to do a 15 min walk and leave her tucked in by the back door outside (100% secure and I could hear) as sometimes I just needed a cup of tea on my own or something.

Realise I was lucky, just a suggestion.

Maybe time to drop the morning nap.... straight on to lunchtime.

I think you might be on to something @BankOfDave. I actually got some samples to measure up for a black out blind but never got round to ordering it. Guess what I'm doing this evening? 😅

OP gonna guess you might have tried this but maybe also white noise? Feel for you - when they get overtired it’s a nightmare and then you loose patience as you’ve had no break either.

I also wondered that @weightymatters73. She really does seem ready to nap at 9.30 though. What time do you think I should push to?

Can you use a sling on your back? It’s easier to carry and get things done.

Or settle in the sling and then drop into cot? Keep going with routine - talk about sleepy time/toy to cuddle/white noise etc

I know you’ve had a baby without doing proper research into normal baby behaviour and as a result have now placed unrealistic expectations on your little one.

I have a travel cot set up in my living room for this very purpose. It does mean that I can’t get a lot done downstairs when little one naps but I can get loads done upstairs and just chill in my room

I can count on one hand the number of cot naps I have achieved with my 18m old. I actually tried again today and failed! I am guaranteed success in the pushchair or car but obviously like you, sometimes I want to be home and get things done. I can't carry her at the moment as I'm also heavily pregnant so instead today I gave up once she'd thrown all her teddies out of her cot and it had been 45mins of various approaches. I just brought her into bed with me then did some life admin from bed! I totally empathise!

So what I did was measure the window and get double the width blackout felt material from Hobbycraft. I then attached Velcro to the window and top of the material (just stick on strip Velcro) so I could easily put it up/down. Very cheap and room for error.

Thing about buying a blind is unless it’s extremely well fitted Roman blind, I’ve never seen one that didn’t let a few rays of light in at the sides. So maybe go cheap and cheerful first to see if it works. 🤞

This was me a few months ago, I obsessed over my babies sleep and naps!! It was during the heatwave when we were both absolutely sweating that the cot nap worked. He was around 9/10 months at that point. He had napped in the cot but it wasn’t consistent for a long time. I kept just repeating the same routine with him - lullaby, rocking and putting down with dummy and then put on a music box thing.
I did despair at times though and I used to walk miles for him to sleep in his pram!

I would really cut the morning nap down, half an hour at most. Nap should be between 9-9.30, so if she doesn't fall asleep until 9.20 for example, still wake her a 9.30. If she doesn't fall asleep at all, just power on through until the pm nap.

Do you use a sleeping bag? I suggest removing outer clothes and putting into sleeping bag, quick book, curtains drawn, lights out.

Or instead of dropping morning nap make it earlier and longer. Sounds counterintuitive but kids sleep way worse when they’re tired.

Totally agree about blackout. Mine would never sleep when it wasn’t dark, but when it’s pitch black there’s nothing to do other than sleep.

Do you use daycare? Daycare is great at setting routines and getting kids to go by their system :)

We’re all entitled to our opinions but perhaps it’s worth remembering a real person is on the receiving end of them. OP has posted, obviously sleep deprived and saying it’s affecting her mental health and is just looking for a few suggestions of things to try.