Alcholism opinions

[Dedoodedodi]

Hi, I'm not new to Mumsnet but have decided to name change, I'm after people's honest opinions on alcholism and wether it is a illness/disease or a self inflicted lifestyle choice, and if that changes somewhere in-between the two, so what may start as bad choices and blows into alcholism and the related Ill health and symptoms that comes from that where is the line drawn between choices and illness? I don't want to say who I am in this equation and why I'm interested in other opinions, as I want to be unbiased as possible. Alcholism does obviously become a life threatening illness in the later stages, if you for example had someone really close to you that you know normally personality and the way they are is lovely and fine but over time slipped more under would you say they had a disease they couldn't fully control? Same as if you got cancer for example, you can't control if you get that or not to best of ability, there's no rules around do or do not do this or that to avoid it, is it the same league or is it different, and if it is, then why please? Can it change someone's personality over time that you knew to be a normal kind quiet person, is it a illness they cant help,the person, combination? I will like opinions to wrap my head around this issue. Thankyou

I need my one mug a day, I get a headache if I don't have it

I am addicted to caffeine - I have been for years. Then a few years ago dh gave me an espresso machine for my birthday and now I’m addicted to that.
Obviously no addiction is ideal but coffee doesn’t change my character, cause me to kill someone when driving or ruin my family’s lives.

@Southwestten exactly - not all addictions are created equal.

There have been some really interesting points made here about why some may be more susceptible to AUD. My dad died of an alcohol related disease and I believe he was autistic and possibly had adhd.
My mother is sadly going down the same path but in her case she's almost certainly using alcohol to numb trauma (trauma that affects us both). I'm very torn. I love her and want to support her but I'm also really angry that she's putting her family through this. It's changed her so much that I feel as though I've already lost her.

It sounds very much like my situation ten years ago. I was desperately lonely, spent all my evenings in a different room because he'd pass out, clutching the remote and snoring. We were broke because he spent so much on booze and I was effectively a single parent.

I went to AlAnon and felt like a bit of a fraud because so many people had it so much worse, but someone approached me at the end and said I'd just described her life and not to underestimate the damage it was doing to me.

I left and never regretted it. We stayed friends and I was with him when he died of cirrhosis last month, still claiming he didn't have a drink problem.

for you

This is a really ignorant take on addiction that shows absolutely no intelligence or insight in my view.

It is so hard to describe the why. As an alcoholic you know that alcohol is evil, that is ruining you and your family but you still have to have it. It becomes unimaginably difficult to reason with your brain, it's torture to resist and at some points you are just too tired to battle against the urge. I know that sounds weak but the mental pain of spending your days trying not to drink is just awful, it is all consuming, you cannot think of anything else at all. It's honestly unimaginable and I do not use the word torture lightly.

Please don't think that your DH was putting alcohol above you. It's not a choice. I realise someone on the other side can't understand that but it's really not. I say that not as an excuse, I own up to my blame, but in the hope that it might give some comfort.

I think for me that's why it's actually good for it be classified as a disease even if that's not the best classification. Perhaps disorder is better. But by giving the alcoholic the knowledge that there are forces beyond them that encourage the addiction it actually gives them the power to release themselves from the bonds. I truly understand that medically my brains pathways were altered to feel alcohol as a primitive reward, in fact the strongest reward, that has allowed me to give myself time to retrain those pathways. Time was needed, I needed to allow myself time to relax, or time to do something, allow myself to enjoy something different, to take time away from family to put into me because I knew that time would let me retrain my brain. I gave myself the opportunity to heal myself because I started to understand why I reacted so differently to alcohol than other people.

I think people need to stop viewing people becoming addicted to an addictive substance not as some kind of moral failing but that something that is fairly likely to happen, especially with such a socially acceptable drug that is pushed so widely in society.

MichaelFabricant I agree.
However, I suppose the thing is that to non addicts, the behaviour of addicts and alcoholics seems like a moral failing since so much damage is done. Quite understandably non addicts think ‘just don’t pick up that drink or drug’ and think the alcoholic/addict is weak because they can’t.
The fact that most people who get sober and stay sober lead useful and happier lives shows that it’s the drink and drugs that causes the unacceptable behaviour rather than being inherent in the person.

Maybe one day there will be some sort of medical or scientific breakthrough that makes compulsive illnesses more easily treatable.

@pointythings , thank you for being the voice of informed reason on this thread. Your experience and knowledge offer a lot of insight.

Thanks @DetoxedAlcoholic for replying

@Southwestten I think part of the problem is also the enormous stigma around admitting that there is someone in your life who has an alcohol problem. It leaves those of us who do feeling incredibly alone, and it leaves those of us who do not thinking that it must be really rare and that onle 'those kinds of people' would drink to excess. Once you start talking about it, it's shocking how many people know someone who is misusing alcohol. Once I found the nerve to open up to the people around me, the number who told me they knew someone too was just staggering. We need to work on taking the stigma out of addiction of all kinds.

Personally I think it's a combination of an addictive personality and external events/trauma/mental illness. I don't view it as a moral failing, more of a response to something outside of your control.

I'm very sure that there is a predisposition to alcoholism in my father's side of the family - my grandad, uncle and father are all (or were) alcoholics. My father is the only one still alive but has end stage renal failure and possibly cirrosis. Can't accept there is an issue and has even refused medical treatment in case the doctors find out how much he's drinking. He drinks between one and two bottles of brandy a day, starts when he wakes and finishes when he goes to bed.

I drink more than I should in a week - I track it using an app. I'm not dependent on it and can go for long periods of time without a drink. I can see where it can tip into a controlling addiction and could so easily let it take me - that's the challenge for me (hence the tracking).

Interestingly, I was brought up by my mum and step-dad who aren't big drinkers at all. Maybe wine with Christmas dinner and beer a couple of times a week. No spirits, ever. So, although I suspect I've got the gene it's been tempered by their approach to alcohol.

I'm now NC with my dad - not because of the drink but for other much more complex reasons. I miss him, but I don't miss the overnight texts where he tells me how shit I am, or the ones where he blames me for all his failings, or the ones where he's picking a fight with someone and mine's the first name he comes across.