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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry with H annual leave

411 replies

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 06:58

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

OP posts:
Winniepoo · 30/01/2023 07:58

Now you've know why his previous relationship failed. My DH has numerous faults but even he looks after the kids on his days off (won't pick up his socks off the floor though). Start thinking and making plans to leave, may take you a while but work up to it, this wanker won't change xx

Theeaglesoared · 30/01/2023 08:00

He sounds utterly repellant. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

DestinysGrandchild · 30/01/2023 08:02

What does he actually do to help you and your child? Doesn't sound like a lot. Is it really making a difference him being there?

Flowerfairy101 · 30/01/2023 08:04

WOW that is unbelievably selfish. You're both parents. Sometimes circumstances change and you have to make sacrifices/change your plans. And he has a whole week off, but begrudges you a few hours? Just wow. LTB

Starlightstarbright1 · 30/01/2023 08:05

My next move would be to look.for a full time job that the hours mean uou can collect Dc from childcare.

Swiftswatch · 30/01/2023 08:07

Marry a dick, have a child with a dick and then are surprised when he’s a dick…

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 30/01/2023 08:07

What an absolute wanker.

ButterCrackers · 30/01/2023 08:10

He’s at home and should he looking after his kids. I would say plan to be away, a few hours travel away, during your leave.

journeyofinsanity · 30/01/2023 08:12

Ask him when you get a child free break and if he says it's not a competition day no it's not. You win. I don't even get to compete.

Backstreets · 30/01/2023 08:13

Man logic truly is unbeatable. I hope you don’t cook for him the days he’s “not there”

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/01/2023 08:13

At least as a single parent you’d get some child free days and many many dickhead free days!

AnotherEmma · 30/01/2023 08:13

LTB. You will be entitled to Universal Credit and child maintenance. If you are really worried then maybe taking to your local citizens advice might help in terms of learning a bit more about your options and next steps.

rookiemere · 30/01/2023 08:13

Swiftswatch · 30/01/2023 08:07

Marry a dick, have a child with a dick and then are surprised when he’s a dick…

I think that's a bit unfair.
OP says that he changed when she got pregnant and prior to that had been a good DF to his DD.

TiddleyWink · 30/01/2023 08:15

If you can’t leave for you, do it for your daughter. Modelling this as a relationship will do her immeasurable harm. And hearing her daddy constantly loaning and complaining each time you ask her to spend a small snippet of time with her?! Heartbreaking 😢

You're stronger than you think. You can leave, you have a choice.

He is an unkind, lazy, manipulative prick. Stay with him and the chances of your little girl growing up and choosing the same for herself are pretty damn high.

Clymene · 30/01/2023 08:15

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 07:07

If I'm honest I think everyone is just telling me what I already know. He is selfish, never used to be but getting worse. I'm one of these women that keep telling myself I need to leave, but I never will.

But you should. Even if the logistics will be a nightmare. Your daughter deserves better and so do you

GCAcademic · 30/01/2023 08:15

Urgh. Yet another fucking man who thinks their role as a father stops when they ejaculate.

As PP have said, make sure you do treat him as if he's not there, and don't cook him any dinner (I'm assuming that he doesn't cook as he sounds like a lazy entitled fucker).

Bamboozle123 · 30/01/2023 08:19

When I read these threads it always leaves me wondering how it got to this?

Before the child and when the child was younger there must have been smaller selfish acts that should have been a red flag? Is it just women acquiesce for an easier life? You can't not notice it?

Workawayxx · 30/01/2023 08:19

Sounds like he knows you’re stuck and is being a dick to exploit that for his own selfish gains. What a horrible man! I’d start making plans to leave even if it’s not possible right now. Focus the energy on what you need to do. Can you change your hours? Do 3.5 or 4 days of shorter days? Maybe look at new jobs? Look into help with paying rent/childcare, saving up sone money if possible to buy furniture etc for a new place, maybe look into planned new build developments in your area - they usually have to be 50% housing association or similar.

itsmellslikepopcarn · 30/01/2023 08:20

My ex was exactly the same as this; as soon as I got pregnant everything switched, and I had zero support.

it will be difficult but please consider the life you are modelling to your DD. By staying and accepting this you are telling her that this is an okay way to live. Take another look at universal credit, you should get help with rent, childcare costs, etc.

Problemorno · 30/01/2023 08:22

That's a ludicrous argument. Yes he's normally at work but today he's not? So absolutely he should help out.

Inkpotlover · 30/01/2023 08:22

Wait, he's saying he doesn't parent when he's on annual leave?? Who does that?! What a selfish, gormless idiot.

Remaker · 30/01/2023 08:22

Oh my dear god I’ve never heard the like! Honestly OP I can’t think of a single man I know who would pull that stunt. And most of them are far from perfect.

I think on your next day off (Wednesday?) I’d get up early and leave him with your DC for the day. Don’t ask, just go.

And I’d seriously consider leaving. What a selfish person to be saddled with for life.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 30/01/2023 08:23

So treat him like he's not there, don't make him lunch or tiptoe around if he's sleeping.

As for your dsc, that's his responsibility on the weekend too

Start to make your exit plan op. You say you're scared as you have no help, you have no help now and have to do it all too. Get on the benefits calc, work out childcare and child maintenance. It'll be tight money wise whilst your dd is small, but it won't last forever

Didactylos · 30/01/2023 08:24

If you are not angry for yourself and his treatment of you, be angry for your daughters sake.

Does he not have any care for his daughter? shes feeling unwell and has had a disturbed night, does he not want to spend time with her, cuddle her, pay her some attention, make sure shes not getting worse from her illness, and make sure feels loved and secure as she gets better. (as you did overnight)
Im sure we all know the feeling of frustration and the deep sigh as a child gets unwell and derails all our plans, but its like parenting 101/or just being a basic functioning human to act appropriately and show some concern.
Is she just some sort of task or inconvenience to him? What a scumbag.

Stunningscreamer · 30/01/2023 08:27

This is unbelievably selfish of him. What a tosser. He's got all week to do his own thing. You need to catch up on your sleep now.