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AIBU?

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Original poster

So angry with H annual leave

411 replies

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 06:58

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

OP posts:
MistyFrequencies · 30/01/2023 07:35

Hes a cunt. You need to leave him. Or your daughter will think this is a normal relationship and also end up with a cunt.

dogdaydown · 30/01/2023 07:35

Cosycover · 30/01/2023 07:21

Why do men think they get leave from their own bloody children?

Go back to bed.

Some men.

OP he is totally unreasonable! This needs to be a serious discussion and not just because of today but ongoing.

He's acting like a man without a child.

harveythehorse · 30/01/2023 07:35

Even if he was stepfather this would be selfish, abhorrent behaviour. Imagine watching your partner struggle whilst lounging around. Does he take annual leave so you can spend time as a family, or is all completely self-centred?

mycatsanutter · 30/01/2023 07:36

When he isn't being a selfish idiot what kind of a dad is he ?

Againstmachine · 30/01/2023 07:38

If I was on leave I'd want to spend that time with my children.

Guys an idiot , he thinks he gets a holiday from responsibilities as well.

Original poster
EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 07:39

Its upsetting as hebhas a child from a previous relationship and he used to be a fantastic dad to her when she was round, since having DD it's like he's decided he no longer wants to parent and even when DSD is here, I'm parent to both children whilst he relaxes on a weekend as apparently he's had a long week, whilst I don't as only work part time. The change in the last 3 years has been remarkable, he's gone like this ever since I got pregnant work DD.

OP posts:
PizzaDeliveryZ · 30/01/2023 07:40

Oh dear. Sounds like my ex. One of the many reasons he’s my ex. He once stated that he was spending his birthday alone as a child-free gift to himself. He had zero thought for his kids who were excited to spend his birthday with him and had made a cake. “it’s MY birthday!” he said like a stroppy 5-year-old and off he went to the cinema by himself. I asked him to have the kids recently as he was on leave and I was working from home during half term. He said “But you work from home, so why can’t you have them?” He has the bloody week off work. I never have time off work other than to spend with my kids.

swipe · 30/01/2023 07:40

Your weekends should be treated as your own leave then. Complete bellend

rogueone · 30/01/2023 07:40

Well of course he has you where he wants you. Parenting both kids whilst he does zilch. My OH tried to become a lazy man child when we had our first child and I lost the plot. It was like a switch had gone and he had morphed into his dad. I wouldn’t tolerate that

ElmtreeMama · 30/01/2023 07:41

What is the point in him???
My DH leave is all taken up for him to give me a break as a sahm.
I never say ltb, but I'd be asking myself why I'm staying

IncompleteSenten · 30/01/2023 07:41

He is a total wanker.
I bet he was the same with his ex.
They never change.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/01/2023 07:42

You absolutely have to leave this selfish prick or this will be your life...and in turn your daughters as you are modelling this as normal relationship behaviour for her.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 30/01/2023 07:43

If you leave, life will be harder but you will be happier and your daughter will not have such a toxic role model in her life - so you’d be doing it for her future too.

rwalker · 30/01/2023 07:44

suck today up because anytime things end up in a row it just becomes confrontational

going forward is the key plan both your A/L
same rules apply for both of you

if you are going to have A/L work and family free . This applies to both of you
if you are have a work and family free day then obviously he will have to take a days leave to cover this

I totally get personal free time and tbh think it’s important and healthy that you get it
but it’s both of you not just one of you

I think someone worded it perfectly your on leave from work not home

BitOutOfPractice · 30/01/2023 07:45

So his leave his his, to do as he pleases. Yours is for childcare? Is that what he believes?

you know that’s not right don’t you?

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 30/01/2023 07:45

My husband would never ever do this. Somehow childcare (when you do it) counts as rest time for you, but childcare (when you ask him to it) would ruin his annual leave? That sort of thinking stems from the deepest misunderstanding and ingratitude regarding your role as a carer.

Disappointingbiscuit · 30/01/2023 07:45

He's an utter dick. You can leave, people do all the time. Could you start looking for another job that fits better with Dds nursery hours? I would make it a priority to work him out of your life if I were you.

Patineur · 30/01/2023 07:45

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 07:23

It's a normal occurrence so it's just normal to me now. If the same thing happens on a weekend he will let me go back to bed, but I won't here the end of it for the rest of the day, I don't hear the end of it if I ask him to watch her while I have a bath. If I moan that he gets loads of time to himself and I get none, I get the usual comment of 'it's not a competition'

Reply "Just as well it'x not a competition, then, because you'd have been disqualified long ago". Honestly, what kind of dickhead can look at the woman he promised to love and honour who has been up all night and not want to do something to help?

RobinRobinMouse · 30/01/2023 07:46

A child being ill when you are on annual leave is (not in a mean way) perfect timing as someone is readily available to care for them without the hassle of managing it around work etc. He sounds selfish, unpleasant and not very intelligent if he can't work that out.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/01/2023 07:52

If he's not going to partake in the family he's built, he can fuck off out of the house for the time that he is on leave. Pay to stay somewhere else. He doesn't get to enjoy the comforts of home life if he's not going to help out at home.

You are so not being unreasonable here. You could afford to leave, and get the childcare wrap-around that you need and stay in your job (possibly improve your earnings over time). Please don't stay 'for the children' because they will see how their father treats their mother and them and assume it's the way things are, and they really aren't.

But short term - I'd be packing a bag for him and kicking him out for the duration of his leave.

Daisiesunderblueskies · 30/01/2023 07:53

If you were a single parent and able to claim Universal Credit, you would be able to claim up to 85% of your childcare costs back. I’m not sure of the specifics but please check it out. Don’t be trapped in a cycle of resentment because you are doing everything whilst the selfish prick you live with does fuck all.
It was the same for me and it IS hard as a single parent but I feel lighter and so much happier on my own with my children. In fact, ex does a lot more now for the kids now we aren’t together (still not comparable to me but still a lot more than he did).

maddy68 · 30/01/2023 07:54

He's a dick

Foxywood · 30/01/2023 07:54

I would suggest marriage counselling. If he can look after his first DD why has he changed? Typical of someone to think part time means you are sitting around watching day time tv.
It appears you haven't had any proper discussion about the situation. Possibly because he refuses to but try that route first if you can.

Ginger1982 · 30/01/2023 07:56

Hand her to him and go back to bed.

Mariposa26 · 30/01/2023 07:58

This is so selfish, I’m so sorry. When you’re a parent you do not have the luxury of gatekeeping your annual leave to do what you want with. What a horrible attitude.