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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry with H annual leave

411 replies

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 06:58

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

OP posts:
GreenSunfish · 31/01/2023 20:31

I am a single parent and in some ways it’s easier because I don’t have to put up with that kind of crap to waste my day. He’s selfish and getting you to question yourself which is manipulative.

Littlemoon31 · 31/01/2023 20:40

He is being a dick. Please leave him.

laylababe5 · 31/01/2023 20:42

I would be questioning why he doesn't want to use some of his annual leave to spend some time with his daughter.

ellyeth · 31/01/2023 20:47

What a horrible, selfish attitude. When you're on holiday presumably you have your child to care for.

There seem to be so many threads with men behaving outrageously. No wonder women are more wary about relationships these days.

It's not easy, financially or emotionally, to end a relationship but, if you possibly can, perhaps you might consider it, as you say he is becoming more selfish. Of course, it's a horrible thing to contemplate but if things are getting worse, can you face years of this sort of behaviour?

Whatafliberty · 31/01/2023 20:50

Leave him

WetLettuce2 · 31/01/2023 20:51

I absolutely love being a single mum.

BookishKitten · 31/01/2023 20:53

Two words spring to mind: cheeky fucker.

LovelyIssues · 31/01/2023 21:03

Op your life sounds very similar to mine. Stuck in a rut with 2 dds. Here if you ever want to reach out, just wanted to say I hear you.

feelingfree17 · 31/01/2023 21:09

Tell him to book another week off work, so you can have a complete week off. When did he become so entitled? Nasty, selfish piece of work!

Emsy80 · 31/01/2023 21:17

BibbleandSqwauk · 30/01/2023 07:01

Absolutely no way. He's a parent. When do you get your child free annual leave?

Literally this! Why on earth is he not willing to help you?? What selfish fuckery Is this??

thelonghaul · 31/01/2023 21:19

Sounds like you have an outline plan. 7 months to pull as much cash together as possible, find somewhere to live, talk to a solicitor a figure out what other steps you want to take. Come September your daughter starts school, you start full-time work and you both move on.

Time enough but not too long to bear what is increasingly controlling behaviour. I assume he has no access to you money?

Elmo230885 · 31/01/2023 21:20

Your child is still young. Don't let them grow up in a house where its OK for their Dad to treat their Mum like crap.

Original poster
EveryDayIsA · 31/01/2023 21:24

thelonghaul · 31/01/2023 21:19

Sounds like you have an outline plan. 7 months to pull as much cash together as possible, find somewhere to live, talk to a solicitor a figure out what other steps you want to take. Come September your daughter starts school, you start full-time work and you both move on.

Time enough but not too long to bear what is increasingly controlling behaviour. I assume he has no access to you money?

That's sort of the plan in the back of my head. No, he has no access to the money, he doesn't even know about it. Ironically my savings come to the same amount as his debt. I was saving to eventually buy a house, but looks like this will never happen now.

OP posts:
ThisMama1 · 31/01/2023 21:26

You need to start thinking about the long term & what you both are teaching your daughter in regards to what relationships look like & how a man should treat a woman (or how a partner should treat a partner). This is what gave me the strength to leave my waste of space ex. His father was awful to his mother & he was awful to me. I was not going to let my son turn into another one of them. I knew I had to show him a better life, to break the generational trauma. I had the same from my family, seeing how my grandad treated my nan & how my step dad treated my mum.

At some point you have to say enough is enough & you’re not going to put your kids through what you went through. You’re not going to let your child have this warped sense of what’s right & wrong. I say this with every kindness but your child deserves better role models & a better life. She shouldn’t be growing up thinking that’s mummies hide away upstairs with the kids whilst daddies act mean downstairs.

it’s terrifying to go it alone, it really is. But it was the best decision I ever made even though it was the hardest. I’ve now been with my husband 20 years & he is a wonderful man. Whereas my ex is still going from woman to woman, still treating them the same way he treated me. His parents are still together & still completely miserable with each other. I’m so glad that I made a better life for my child & I didn’t waste my life with a man that treated me like shit. We both deserved better & I look back now at what a happy life we’ve had compared to the miserable life we could have had.

i wish you all the best, I really do. And I hope you find the strength to give yourself & your child the life you truly deserve, because this isn’t it. Don’t waste your life being miserable with the wrong man when you could have an amazing life waiting for you xx

Vodkafairy99 · 31/01/2023 21:34

What a cockwomble, you'd be better on your own

billy1966 · 31/01/2023 22:02

Have you thought about calling Womens aid for some help.

Perhaps they could help you find a place through the council, even short term.

He is so awful and is emotionally abusive.

Even lodgings somewhere, to just get you both away from him.

Loobieloogold · 31/01/2023 22:21

What an absolute self-centered A hole. Sorry OP. He is on leave from work, not being a parent!!!!!

WimbyAce · 31/01/2023 22:40

Wow what a cock! Basically once you have kids "annual leave" doesn't exist, or at least not in the same way. And we all suck it up. I can't believe he was like that too even when you have been up in the night!

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 31/01/2023 23:31

Dragonsandcats · 30/01/2023 07:00

What a selfish idiot. I’d go out and leave your dd with him.

I agree with this post

OldFan · 31/01/2023 23:45

YANBU @EveryDayIsA . He's not on leave from family life.

Dotcomma · 01/02/2023 00:38

Does he have anything favourable to offer you & DD - good points? Seriously, you can convince yourself of all sorts when you have a husband who doesn't give a fuck, maybe it's this or maybe it's that but if there's nothing positive you need to get out asap. Been there, done that, it's not easy - I did it for my daughter more than anything, he was no good for my mental health and I knew he'd do the same to her if we stayed, there was no way I was gonna let him ruin our lives any more than he had done already. DD was nearly 4 when we left, she doesn't remember us living together as a family thankfully but he has continued his emotional abuse tirelessly through the courts and still 'thinks' he's superior to us. You'd think he'd have moved on by now, it's 14 years since we split up.

Danielle9891 · 01/02/2023 01:10

I wouldn't stand for that. Who doesn't want to help when their child is sick?

My partner works all week and I work part time but as soon as we're home all housework, childcare and cooking is split 50/50. If my toddler is sick during the night, i'd be the one that gets up with her as she wants her mammy but in the morning I'd go back to bed and my partner will look after her while I catch up on sleep if he's not at work.

Watching children is working too. I work in a very busy and stressful restaurant but it's honestly easier than looking after my toddler.

Your partner sounds really selfish.

America12 · 01/02/2023 01:19

This sounds so bad , could you go to relatives? Even it means moving away and changing jobs ?

ArchibaldsDaddy · 01/02/2023 01:46

Erm…no doubt here.

This is absolutely disgusting behaviour by DH. Why the hell would be not want to look after his own child if their poorly..???

I’d think about getting him a copy of the Divorce Act….as he’ll be needing it.

TomRaider · 01/02/2023 02:02

I've just read the OP. I'm a guy.

Just letting you know i think I'm going to try this tomorrow.... I think I should have recovered from my injuries enough to let you know how it went by autumn.

On the upside I should be off work on sick leave for about 9 months...

Seriously guys this guy sound like he needs a kick up the backside. We work shifts I've just finished work at 1am and I'll be up at 0630 to get the kids off to school and nursery. We share out the lie-ins and if we're not on leave together then we share out the workload and try to give each other an easy day here and there...

Surely thats how it should be.

Was he on leave when the child was conceived... Or do I not want to know!