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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry with H annual leave

411 replies

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 06:58

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

OP posts:
Tessabelle74 · 31/01/2023 17:42

What a giant twat. That is all

Wiluli · 31/01/2023 17:46

Wtf ! I would be giving him the baby and checking into a hotel to sleep . Just turn off your phone . Is he for real ?? So I’m assuming on your days off he will just have the baby all
day ?

Dotcomma · 31/01/2023 17:52

Just like my ex - waste of space. When my DD was under 4 & poorly so she couldn't go to nursery, if I asked him to look after DD while I went to work & it was his day off he used to take her to his mums & leave her there. We left him when she was 4.

PUGMEISTER21 · 31/01/2023 17:55

Your husband sounds like a selfish prick. Sorry

Sibicatsndogs · 31/01/2023 17:55

Wtf is that not he's child too? Why sleeping on sofa instead of helping out! I would have kicked him out and dumped he's sorry arse what a selfish prick! So sorry you have to go through this. My DH helps out at home and does childcare + school run and drops me off and picks me up from work plus he's own full time job (remote work) this behaviour is not acceptable.

ZeilanBlueSky · 31/01/2023 18:00

He can pull his head from his arse and grow the fuck up.

When you have kids, you muck in and share the load, including when they're sick. Even my abusive ex was fair at sharing the care of sick kids when they were small.

Your sick child trumps his leave. It's called being a parent.

NannaKaren · 31/01/2023 18:00

Omg
’His’ leave wtf ?!
twat

Annabanana1987 · 31/01/2023 18:04

Where about in country are you? Depending on location I’m sure many here could put their hands up to help with child care or a shoulder to cry on in person! You’re not alone! X

Mamma80 · 31/01/2023 18:05

Well this is the first post ive read on here where my mouth actually fell open. No you are not unreasonable. H is a selfish git

GingerNutMe · 31/01/2023 18:05

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 07:01

Unfortunately the more times goes on this behaviour is becoming normal for him. Always makes me question though if it's me in the wrong.

Show quote history

Tough words but it probably is you that's wrong by allowing him to get away with it. He sounds like one that pushes that bit further every time.

Too late for this instance but sit down and talk to him. Explain that you have allowed him to walk all over you like this but no more. Ask him what you both need to do to resolve this.

Abouttimemum · 31/01/2023 18:07

I just can’t get my head around this at all! Prize dick. Hopefully you know you’re not at al being unreasonable about it. I’d be making long-term plans to leave when DD starts school next September and you can get back to work full time and save up. It’ll only get worse.

TinyTee · 31/01/2023 18:10

I’m sorry you are in this situation. Clearly, he is selfish and not sharing the parenting. It sounds like deep down you know you need to leave. I know that’s hard. Do something today that will take you a step closer to feeling more confident to leave him - join a club to make friends, research your rights on the internet, look at places you might move to. Just keep taking small steps in that direction and one day it will all click and you will leave.

in the meantime, please get some legal advice. You say you have saving and he has debt. If you are married and financial settlement will take all of this into account. You need to find ways to protect the assets you have. Financial stability is the first step. For example, make sure his name is not on your bank accounts. Put your savings into something he can’t touch, keep your job!

gimmepeaceandsky · 31/01/2023 18:13

I’m sorry,
but what a Dxxk ! How old is he ? 18 ?

He needs to man up and help you! Otherwise find a full time job and tell him that from now on he will have to share holidays and half terms using his hols with you.

honestly, some man !
🤬

nettie434 · 31/01/2023 18:14

QuestionsFromThePublic · 30/01/2023 21:42

I agree with pp, he is on leave from work not parenting. Did he pick up responsibilities at 5pm? How dare he excuse himself and dump this on you.

Wow! How selfish. 'He is on leave from work, not parenting' is perfectly put.

Juststopamoment · 31/01/2023 18:19

I’m outraged for you. What a d**khead.

RavenhairedRachel · 31/01/2023 18:20

Leave the selfish twat

Climbles · 31/01/2023 18:25

He acknowledges that it’s not a holiday/rest if your looking after kids but then expects you to be always looking after kids??
The reason he used to be a good dad is he was trying to impress you. Now he has ‘won’ you and you have become a mother figure he doesn’t give a shit.

Rugbyballhead · 31/01/2023 18:27

He's definitely the unreasonable one! I get wanting to have some child free relaxation time but that goes both ways! If he wants to have that then he also needs to do the same for you. He is a dad and a partner and needs to start acting as such by the sounds of it.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 31/01/2023 18:28

He's on AL from work not from parenting!

I'd be on indefinite leave from wifing!!

JustAnotherManicMomday · 31/01/2023 18:30

If you were at work and dd was sick whilst he was on leave, surely he would look after his child? This is no different. Your both at home his the father. He doesn't stop being a parent when his at work therefore he doesn't get to decide to stop being a parent when on leave. I think it's time you tell him school holidays will be split 50 50 so you both get some leave with and some leave without children.

Rinders · 31/01/2023 18:30

Who was the fool who said you were being unreasonable?! 🤯

Milkand2sugarsplease · 31/01/2023 18:32

@JustAnotherManicMomday I'm not convinced he would look after her if op was working, I think he'd expect op to leave work!!

Moonshild · 31/01/2023 18:35

I took years of my ex being like this. Too many moments to list but as an example when I was pregnant with our first child - I got flu and he made me sleep on the small two seater sofa until I got better. I kept making excuses and I didn't want my children to not have their father around.

Leaving is a very difficult decision and it is not easy to parent alone. You have to be mum and dad even if they spend some weekends with their father - mine didn't! You have to be able to earn enough to house and feed both you and your child and if you are really lucky get time out and holidays.
It is easy for people to tell you to leave but having gone through it - I would advise that you speak to him and set some boundaries and guidelines about what you are both expecting from your marriage going forward. If he isn't prepared to discuss it or understand that he needs to change his outlook then think about leaving.

I don't regret leaving my husband BUT its been so hard - my children are now in their early twenties and I still feel guilty that I couldn't give them the happy, stable home life and upbringing that they deserved. Instead they had to grow up fast and learn how to be involved with cooking, cleaning, washing and being responsible for themselves - doing homework etc without an argument.

Leaving does not necessarily solve the problem - it just creates different ones.

Good luck

Rantismymiddlename · 31/01/2023 18:45

If I had a friend whose DH was behaving as you describe I would be worried. Feels like misogyny. You and your child deserve better.

ThistleTits · 31/01/2023 18:45

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 07:01

Unfortunately the more times goes on this behaviour is becoming normal for him. Always makes me question though if it's me in the wrong.

Show quote history

It's definitely not you. What a nasty partner and parent he is.