Upset and annoyed that ds's gf of 6 years has chucked him, leaving him devastated and not giving any real honest reason?

[McWoman]

Hi
My son (22yrs) has been chucked by his gf after a 6yr relationship. They didnt live together, and for the last year it was a long distance relationship as he took up a great new job in London, but they had plans for a future together. Now she has changed her mind, with no reasons given, and he has come home, totally devastated and extremely depressed. I would never get involved, but feel totally helpless, out of my depth, and unsure of how to get him out of his current mindset. I have suggested he seeks counselling through his work. Any other suggestions?

He just needs time. It's horrible to go through any breakup, but particularly the first major one. He will be fine though. Obv don't know the full details but if he was the one that moved away, it's not necessarily that she has some nefarious reason for her feelings fizzling.

Your Son has taken a good job in London.GF may have felt sidelined .Seeing him at WE only .Most RL that start in teenage years dont last the distance.He will be able to meet someone when hes ready to.Just be ready to talk ,support him with a good time when hes home ,and he will come out the other side

He was the one who moved away and made the relationship long distance. It might have something to do with the reason. I know it's easy to feel feel resentful of her, but i don't think it's justified.

They were a huge part of each others lives for a long time , most of his key teenage memories will involve her and if they were planning a future together then all of that has been changed now.
of course it’s going to be devastating especially if he didn’t know it was coming. Suddenly you’re looking at your adult life in a completely different way

it will take time but it will be ok

Best way forward is not to mope about but to get out there socialising with friends and enjoying his new job in London.
He'll soon start to relish his freedom.

He's going to feel a lot worse if your going around being annoyed and upset , pretty obvious as others have said why theyve split up, why should she continue in a long distance relationship that she no longer wants to be in?
Splitting up is a normal part of life, don't add to his upset, just be there when he wants to talk about it .

Is the title written incorrectly? Surely you personally are not upset and annoyed at her?

he is not entitled to a relationship, and if his ex felt it was over and she didn’t wish to be with him anymore as she wasn’t feeling it any more, she can say that.

the title is disturbing.

It’s even possible the son knows and isn’t telling his over involved mother

Most people don't stay with the person they got together with at 16 because you grow and change. She doesn't need to give an explanation. Maybe she's met someone else? Either way, she's obviously not right for your ds any more and he will find someone who suits him better.

He will feel better once time has done its work. I would advise him to do lots of fun and distracting things right now.

I’m curious what “real honest reason” you need.

What if she says, “he was controlling and actually quite a nasty piece of work, but I was so young that I didn’t see that. Then I was scared to leave him, and also my self esteem was so low I thought he was right that I’d never do any better. Him moving away was the chink of light I needed to see that I didn’t need him, and his verbal, physical and sexual abuse.”

I mean, I still think the truth is that they were kids when they got together and have just grown up 🤷🏻‍♀️ But maybe be careful of the honesty that you are (weirdly) seeking on his behalf.

Theres something not quite right on his side to react this much. So maybe that’s part of why she wanted out. He may just have been “too much”.

There's nothing you can do, or need to do. He just needs time to heal.

Haven't you ever had your heart broken?
Surely it's happened to most adults on the planet. Wallow in the sad feelings then after an appropriate amount of time get back out there!
Validate his feelings, make him his favourite meals, give lots of mum love and build him back up.
Have confidence in him being able to do this. If you model your confidence in him he will follow your lead.
If he sees how upset you are he will feel he needs to comfort you too!

Encourage him to go back to London, back to his job and continue to build his life - why would he want to be back home with mum? Meeting at 16 breaking up at 22 is pretty standard stuff. Also leaving for the 'great job in London' would put a relationship between two young people under a strain. Maybe she has had to build a life without him being around and enjoyed it - who knows! It's life and he will recover and does not need counselling.

People change. They grown up. A woman of 22 has a very different view of her future than a girl of 16.

Give him time. He'll get over it.

She probably came to realise she couldn't deal with a long distance relationship.

I think you’re overreacting. She doesn’t need to give a reason other than she no longer wants to be with him. It would seem unlikely that a relationship started at 16 would go the distance. Young people grow and change. He’ll get over it and working away will most definitely help. Just be there for him.

I don’t think it’s too early for counciling. Counciling is very useful and it can help you to understand a work through feelings. May even help him to not hold on to any unhealthy emotional baggage he could potentially have from losing a relationship that he thought was going forward.

I don’t think he NEEDS it, but could help.

Sorry but this was inevitable. It would've been one or the other to end it.
All you can do is be there for your son and for your son a broken heart just takes time.
First love broken heart is the worst.
He needs to make tonnes of plans with his friends.

He doesn’t need counselling, he needs to go back to his job and life in London. Please don’t encourage him to move home with you, that is the last thing he needs and as much as it sounds like you would want that it won’t help him.

she doesn’t need to give him a reason apart from it’s no longer working sadly.

I have DSs the same age and I think I'd rather not know the reasons. It's really hard to see them upset but he'll get over it in time.

Definitely encourage him to get back to London and the job.

YABU she didn’t want to be in a relationship with him. That’s enough of a reason. Or should she just have stayed with him for the rest of her life even though she wasn’t happy?

For all of the people saying she doesn’t need to give him a reason, obviously youre correct but it’s very unkind not to. It leaves somebody ruminating over what could be wrong with them, what went wrong, could they have done something better etc. I think it’s just a basic level of human decency to give a reason why you no longer want to be in a relationship.

I'd suggest counselling too. I sympathise with you but anybody has a right to chose not to be in a relationship anymore for any reason they like. Maybe she has given him a reason and you're not getting the full story, maybe she hasn't, either way it's their business.

It's one of the life lessons most people go through at some point or another.
He will be sad and upset but he needs to get back to London, brush himself off and carry on with his life.

Has he taken annual leave to wallow for a bit?

You can't be angry at a 22yo for splitting up with your son. Its life, its not like houses or children are involved. As for reasons, it could be anything. I just split up with someone and gave them the bullshit reason of I'm not ready for a relationship and need space. Real reason was everything about him gave me the ick and I couldn't bare being near him. I wasn't going to tell the poor bloke that though.

Tell him go pub with his mates and have some fun.