Upset and annoyed that ds's gf of 6 years has chucked him, leaving him devastated and not giving any real honest reason?

[McWoman]

Hi
My son (22yrs) has been chucked by his gf after a 6yr relationship. They didnt live together, and for the last year it was a long distance relationship as he took up a great new job in London, but they had plans for a future together. Now she has changed her mind, with no reasons given, and he has come home, totally devastated and extremely depressed. I would never get involved, but feel totally helpless, out of my depth, and unsure of how to get him out of his current mindset. I have suggested he seeks counselling through his work. Any other suggestions?

Sadly many relationships that start at such a young age don’t go the distance. Getting together at 16 means they still had a lot of growing yo to do, and possibly just grew apart. Also there might well have been a reason that he doesn’t want to give you, being his mum.
Just be there for him. He needs to grieve the relationship and will meet someone else in time.

I was that girl who broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years at the same age. We grew up together and I loved him and his family but as I became a woman I absolutely knew he wasn't the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were more like best mates, and honestly, physically, he wasn't setting my world on fire. He was a small guy, who made me feel big. There was more to it than just that, but that was part of it. I know he was devastated. Decades on I am still friends with him and his family... obviously it took a while to get there. It was the right decision then and it's still the right decision. We're both happily married now. It may not feel like it but this girl has done your son a favour. Better like this now than down the line, with a messy divorce and kids thrown in the mix. He doesn't need counselling he just needs time.

Long distance relationships are rubbish...i bet that's a big reason.He'll be fine.

I did the same. Still very fond of him. He didn’t do anything wrong. I met my DH and realised that realised my feelings had changed.

When my DSS gf finished with him I felt irrationally upset. They were together from 15 and she had spent a lot of time with us as a family including 2 holidays with our other young DCs. He was completely blindsided and devastated, it was totally unexpected, I kept thinking she would change her mind. That was 5 years ago, he has a new gf now and they are much better suited but I’ve learnt from last time that anything can happen. Looking back it seems strange I felt so upset as I believe she made the right choice. Time is a great healer and your son is young with great prospects so I’m certain things will be ok.

@McWoman I can't help on the relationship side (and in any case you've had plenty of helpful advice already), but on the diabetes side, has your DS looked into getting a pump?

2 of my 3 have Type I – one of them is about your DS's age and one a couple of years older and they have been using pumps for about 10 years. They swear by them – it's given them way more flexibility to eat when they want, or even not at all if they so choose, and also allowed them to drink (too much on occasion!). The older one is a professional sports coach and PT, the younger one likes to go on all-day hikes – both are possible with a pump. They use Bluetooth these days and the kids treat them like any other device.

Every Type I is entitled to a Libre, which is a constant glucose monitor (I think this is what @MatildaTheCat was referring to as closed loop systems are not widely available in this country yet). Worth seeing whether your DS might find his diabetes management easier this way.

He'll be fine. Maybe she gave him reasons tat he doesn't want to discuss. Maybe she didn't want to do long distance, or move to London.
It doesn't matter. Probably healthier long term for him not to be with someone from the age of 16 forever...

I think the real issue here is your alarm for your sons safety; I suspect you are in fact reacting to a situation which is triggering your concern about your son and his Type 1 diabetes.
I get this completely. I have a young adult DS with T1. As a mother you never fully stop worrying about them in a different way to his healthy siblings. Quite natural.
Your initial reaction is to fear for his safety and be angry with his GF.
She will be knowledgable and experienced about his T1 and that has been a source of reassurance for you. That’s a significant chunk of support for him and someone to support, recognise hypos etc.
I really get that.
And I really understand your fears.
Do get him to go and access CGM ( Continuous Glucose Monitoring ) now available on the NHS. It will be a game changer for him and you.
My DS resisted changes for quite a long time, while he was coming to terms with it all, but he wouldn’t be without it now.
And we have had some hairy, scary times in the past, really quite frightening, but no longer.
Of course you are upset for him and worried. I reach out to you, I can imagine feeling exactly the same.
He will of course move on. New chapter, new opportunities and possibilities. Just get things easier for him to manage his T1 and so he can enjoy getting on with his life. Good luck.

Yes, there are other suggestions you can try to help your son:

Encourage him to talk about his feelings: Encourage your son to express his emotions, as talking about his feelings can help him process and manage them.

Encourage him to stay active: Physical activity can help improve mood, boost energy, and reduce stress.

Encourage a healthy lifestyle: Good nutrition, adequate sleep, and avoiding drugs and excessive alcohol can help support mental and emotional well-being.

Encourage social connections: Encourage your son to stay connected with family and friends, as social support can be very important during difficult times.

Seek professional help: If your son's depression continues, encourage him to seek professional help, as a mental health professional can provide support and treatment options.

Remember to be patient, non-judgmental, and offer support and encouragement throughout his healing process.