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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Revenge on the person that bullied me?

159 replies

ACTIVE123 · 29/01/2023 09:05

There was a girl that bullied me at school, called me names, beat me up and just made my life hell.

I recently found out she is working for the same company as me, (big company not the same department) bumped into her a couple of times, but I just avoided eye contact, didn't want to get into a fake how are you moment!

I now keep getting ideas of trying to get revenge on this person, embarrass her, make her pay somehow. No idea how as I'm generally not that kind of person. It just annoys me seeing her walk around, living her life, knowing she got away with it all, as I never told anyone!

We were 16/17 when the bullying happened, so it's not like it was young kids. She knows what she did and if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd feel bad and apologise, but she's clearly just not built the same as me.

Am I wrong for entertaining these thoughts or do I just carry on being the bigger person and ignoring her?

Also, to say my job is important to me, so wouldn't want to risk getting into trouble at work over it, or looking immature at work.

OP posts:

Outtasteamandluck · 29/01/2023 09:06

If you can get away with it, do it.

Karmas a bitch.

Sirzy · 29/01/2023 09:07

If you start bullying her then you would be no better than she was then.

if you have to work together it may be worth a chat to clear the air otherwise just politely ignore her as much as possible.

Outtasteamandluck · 29/01/2023 09:07

ps an apology at this point wouldn't even begin to cut it. You can't beat someone up and then say sorry. Obvs the remorse is good but sorry nah, you'll never forgive.

x2boys · 29/01/2023 09:08

No.don't do anything ,it's not worth losing your job over it ,be the bigger person and ignore her.

whowhatwerewhy · 29/01/2023 09:08

Don't lower yourself to her level.

RudsyFarmer · 29/01/2023 09:09

Do nothing. Revenge is a dish served cold and I’m sure one day they’ll be an opportunity to sort this out verbally or other. I don’t like encouraging more shitty behaviour but I understand the strong instinct for justice.

Starryskiesinthesky · 29/01/2023 09:09

I wouldn’t do anything but I would stare her in the eye with a look that says we both knew what you did and I can take you on now if I want to.

Apart from that I would focus on other things, don’t waste head space on her. There’s a saying that I cant remember about thinking too much about someone else and it taking up your headspace while they carry on happily oblivious.

RocketIceLollie · 29/01/2023 09:09

I think you answered your own question in your last sentence.

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/01/2023 09:10

I think yanbu to have the thoughts in your head, but if you were to carry any of it out you would just be lowering yourself to her level, and basically showing her that she still has power over you.

Actionstations · 29/01/2023 09:12

I don't think you should bully someone at work, no.

LadyKenya · 29/01/2023 09:12

whowhatwerewhy · 29/01/2023 09:08

Don't lower yourself to her level.

This. Unless you have to work directly with her, just continue to ignore her.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/01/2023 09:13

Am I wrong for entertaining these thoughts or do I just carry on being the bigger person and ignoring her?

You are not wrong for imagining this.

You would be to act on it.

You are much older than you were then so have no excuse (not that it was ok at a younger age either).

It is highly unlikely anything you do in work wouldn't impact on you negatively in some way.

Also; a cliche but true - revenge is a life lived well. If you are happy now, continue on & let that show.

VeronicaBeccabunga · 29/01/2023 09:13

Sending sympathy.
Maintain a dignified silence, read this

Debtknell · 29/01/2023 09:14

I don’t see any issue with making cold, firm eye contact next time you encounter her in passing, and, if she recognises you (how long is it since your schooldays?), making it icily clear you are absolutely not planning to engage in fake ‘nice to see you stuff’ and that you haven’t forgotten her behaviour. Other than that, don’t jeopardise your job.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 29/01/2023 09:14

No, because then you'd be no better than what she was and the whole thing would be irrelevant. Also bullying someone at work, would have a heck a lot more consequences for yourself.
You could end up loosing your job and have a shit reference stopping you going for a better job in the future.

Best thing to do is ignore, ignore, ignore and maybe find a new job. Do not go for revenge - your an adult, not a school kid!

Cherrysoup · 29/01/2023 09:14

Not worth your job, but I have similar at work. When she turned up, she tried to be friendly but there was no way I’m going to do the fake friends thing. I’m coldly polite/professional, nothing more.

NuNameNuMe · 29/01/2023 09:15

Think about it, plot it, don't do it.

bedisbest · 29/01/2023 09:16

I understand why you feel like this, but honestly, its hurting you more than her. Its really unhealthy to focus on thoughts like this. I have had someone who caused me enormous harm and I knew I had healed when I realised I no longer cared what happened to them.

Don't try to take revenge. Its unhealthy for you, will probably backfire on you, and, in all honesty, it will make you look absolutely crazy if people find out you did something to hurt or harm her because of what she did to you when you were both schoolgirl age. It will destroy your reputation at work.

Babdoc · 29/01/2023 09:17

“Vengeance is mine” saith the Lord.
In other words, leave God to deal with her - it’s His job, not yours!
Revenge is a rather poisonous thing for humans to play with. It just tends to escalate the situation - you humiliate her for her past behaviour, she seeks revenge for that, you seek further vengeance, etc.
Try to pity her for being such a contemptible person. That way you keep the moral high ground and can feel a glow of superiority, with no risk to your employment!

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 29/01/2023 09:18

The best revenge really is a life well lived. Be the best version of yourself. Be confident and happy. Achieve your goals and show her that she doesn't matter.

MadameDe · 29/01/2023 09:20

Concentrate on your career and make sure you do better than her. That'll be the best revenge.

Notjusta · 29/01/2023 09:22

Agree with PP saying YANBU to think about it - I think it's normal to fantasise about revenge as it were, but YWBVU to do anything.

I like the idea of frosty civility if you have any contact with her and a 'life well lived' for her to see from a distance.

piggypoole · 29/01/2023 09:23

No don't take revenge . Just don't engage with her unless you have to . I think you are worried that she will try and bully you again . If she does report her straight away and by all means inform them about her earlier behaviour. Hopefully she's matured and doesn't want people to know that she was a bully .

Abhannmor · 29/01/2023 09:24

I voted YANBU because it's normal to have these thoughts after what you went through with her. Don't feel bad about that , you can't help it.

Eckhart Tolle has a great saying : ' You are not your thoughts'. I wouldn't try to act out on them though. That could escalate messily and leave you feeling guilt. Something she must be feeling ?

Greenfairydust · 29/01/2023 09:24

You are being foolish. Because you might end up putting your job and reputation at risk. You are behaving like a bully yourself...how is that healthy behaviour?

The best revenge is always to live your life and be happy and to show bullies that they can no longer affect you.

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