Revenge on the person that bullied me?

[ACTIVE123]

There was a girl that bullied me at school, called me names, beat me up and just made my life hell.

I recently found out she is working for the same company as me, (big company not the same department) bumped into her a couple of times, but I just avoided eye contact, didn't want to get into a fake how are you moment!

I now keep getting ideas of trying to get revenge on this person, embarrass her, make her pay somehow. No idea how as I'm generally not that kind of person. It just annoys me seeing her walk around, living her life, knowing she got away with it all, as I never told anyone!

We were 16/17 when the bullying happened, so it's not like it was young kids. She knows what she did and if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd feel bad and apologise, but she's clearly just not built the same as me.

Am I wrong for entertaining these thoughts or do I just carry on being the bigger person and ignoring her?

Also, to say my job is important to me, so wouldn't want to risk getting into trouble at work over it, or looking immature at work.

Sort of similar (but also not as I definitely don’t move in the same circles!), my old school bully has worked her way through a few high profile relationships/marriages with various international sportsmen, is the face of a children’s charity and is a sickeningly sanctimonious instagram influencer. It’s horrible seeing these people in real life and remembering what they were like 20 years ago, and I totally get the fantasies about exposing them. I try not to give her too much thought, but just hope that occasionally she remembers that quite a lot of people know what a vile person she used to be. She probably doesn’t!

At most, if you’re ever “introduced” I’d just say that you remember her from school and leave it there.

Sorry she’s reappeared in your life!

Don’t do it.
What happens if you end up looking deranged or lose your job?

She wins again, that’s what happens.

You’ll have far more impact if you hold your head up high and look straight through her as if she’s not there.

She’s a stranger to you now and that will give her a very strong message. Do not expend any energy on her, she’s not worth the misery it will give you.

I didn't exactly bully someone, but towards the end of school we dropped her from our 'gang' because she constantly stank of weed.
I bumped into her about five years later, she was lovely, and made no mention of it. Made me feel a hundred times worse.

@ x2boys and @Slowingdownagain
Read my post carefully. I wrote TRUE bullies.
Presumably you’re mothers or parents. If one of your children had been mercilessly bullied would you expose them to that bully at a later date, assuming there’d been an epiphany?
Dont be so bloody naive.

Well, how to you know that this bully is a TRUE bully? You don't.

Yep, some people are horrible and don't change. But most of us aren't the same people we were when we were 15/16. It's ridiculous 🙄

As far as I can see from the OP, the bully is no longer bullying her, so that's a start.

@singlefish, she absolutely does need her reputation to be squeaky clean. She doesn't work alone with children (I'd have reported her for f she did) but her job affects them significantly. She actually seems to do it well. She loves being loved and really trades on family values 🤢

She would be completely unemployable if her letters were released. They are actually held by a solicitor for me so I can't do anything impulsive.

@Slowingdownagain
Neither do you know that she isn’t a true bully. She certainly hasn’t expressed any remorse or embarrassment for what she did to the OP so what gives you grounds to believe she has changed, that her core values or moral code have changed?
How different are you from your 15/16 year old self? Has your personality massively changed?
Perhaps if you stopped contradicting me and spent some time thinking about those who have bullied you or members of your family you might see some veracity in my statements.

Yes, I am certainly not the same as when I was 15/16. I did loads of really stupid things that I wouldn't dream of doing now. I would say that is generally the way for most people, we grow up and mature. Learn from our experiences.

I don't know she's changed, as you don't know she's the same. I am not sure not apologising means she's still a bully though. That's a bit of a reach.

I will contradict you as much as I like thanks.

There was a thread on here a little while back where the poster's school bully turned up in a work capacity and was like 'hii it's me from school' and the poster claimed she didn't remember her.

I'm not the one making scenarios up.in my mind about somebody I have only read about on this thread and deceiding,that they can't possibly have changed and must be still bullying people in their place of work .

Esther Rantzen by any chance?

I didn't know bullying was 'immature'. It's being nasty person, and they don't change, they only became more conscious about the consequences.

I would just leave it and let the water go under the bridge.

You don't know how she feels. She could feel so embarrassed by her behaviour and everytime she sees you it could be a reminder of what she did to you.

We've all done things we regret in life especially when we were younger. She might not be the same person she was then.

Be the bigger person, let it go and don't risk your job. Hopefully she won't stay long and she'll leave 😂

*consequences for themselves, of course

Of course people can change.some won't ,but most people are very different then the person they were at 15/16 .

The best revenge is to live well xx

I think you would be wise not to give into your thoughts. If you did, you would be no better than they were, all those years ago.

I wouldn’t say anything. It is possible they may approach you at some point to discuss the past, so maybe prepare yourself for that.

I have been in situation where childhood bullies have contacted me to apologise for their behaviour. It was actually quite a healing/freeing process as I was able to tell them how awful the experience was at the time due to their behaviour, but how much better my life is now. You can learn to forgive someone, but also acknowledge that that hurt they caused you can take time (and may never do) to heal.

Do nothing because you'll put yourself at risk of losing your job and getting a discinary record against you. Then she'd have won and you will have lost your job.

No

Some people change. Some don't. She doesn't need to take up space in your head any more.

well.as we can't get inside people's minds nobody can say wether they truly change or not.

They only might change outside, obviously they know they won't get away with what they got away with as an underage teenager. Inside they rarely change.

You cannot possibly say that about every person that has ever bullied somebody ,
some won't change but others will.

Absolutely.