Revenge on the person that bullied me?

[ACTIVE123]

There was a girl that bullied me at school, called me names, beat me up and just made my life hell.

I recently found out she is working for the same company as me, (big company not the same department) bumped into her a couple of times, but I just avoided eye contact, didn't want to get into a fake how are you moment!

I now keep getting ideas of trying to get revenge on this person, embarrass her, make her pay somehow. No idea how as I'm generally not that kind of person. It just annoys me seeing her walk around, living her life, knowing she got away with it all, as I never told anyone!

We were 16/17 when the bullying happened, so it's not like it was young kids. She knows what she did and if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd feel bad and apologise, but she's clearly just not built the same as me.

Am I wrong for entertaining these thoughts or do I just carry on being the bigger person and ignoring her?

Also, to say my job is important to me, so wouldn't want to risk getting into trouble at work over it, or looking immature at work.

Exactly, you can't tell they change

And neither can you tell they stay the same .

I agree.

In any case the OP will hopefully not cross paths with her.

@Slowingdownagain
Leopards don’t change their spots. It’s in their genes.

You might want to minimise ‘doing loads of silly things as a 15/16 year old and that’s generally the way for most of us until we mature bla bla bla.’

No it isn’t - people like you are thankfully in the minority.

I'm more than sure given the chance they would do the same - think repeat offenders. Some don't repeat it because they don't want to loose their partners, kids or careers.

i met someone who used to bully me at school. the karma is fantastic- as i have had a successful career in art and advertising and have a great family.
She has not achieved as much- seems quite sad and working in a cheap supermarket.
So, i would bide your time and time will tell 😃😃

People like me?

I am not minimising bullying, I was replying to whether I am different now than when I was 16. Which I am. Significantly so.

I still think thought that people can and do change. And what someone is or does at 16 doesn’t necessarily define who they are forevermore.

Bit harsh on people who work in supermarkets 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s fine to fantasise about revenge but I tend to get no further than that. In the end, can I be arsed to waste my time on people who don’t deserve the attention?
Sometimes it helps me get to sleep at night - plotting revenge in my head. But that’s all it is - in my head

Morally, I'd say just leave it. Go ahead with pretending she doesn't exist.

But also... If the opportunity ever presented itself to put the boot in (metaphorically of course)... Well, the wheels of justice turn slowly, but they grind so fine.

Don’t listen to advice suggesting you log anything with HR. HR is not a logging service and it is not your supportive best mate. It is there to protect the company, not you. If you inform HR the information is out of your hands. Without evidence you look petty and vindictive, with evidence and they’ll be obliged to carry out an investigation.

HR cannot/should not do nothing and for good reason. If, for example, you told them and they did nothing, and then you went off with stress, you could claim against the organisation for failing to protect you when they were aware of the bullying allegation. For the same reason, you should not inform your manager unless you want something to happen.

OP, live your life well. You don’t need to acknowledge her, or do her any favours.

Another story here of living your life being the best revenge. I was horribly horribly bullied all throughout secondary school. I now have a fantastic life - and am very highly qualified, and have a very well paying prestigious career, happily married, etc whereas my bully never achieved anything, has a minimum wage job, divorced and no family. Karma.

Rise above it.
I once had a school bully under my employ I treated her professionally buy never mentioned we knew each other.

Do you think that everyone who works at just above minimum wage is there because they deserve to be, whereas you deserve your wage structure? Wasn't that what slavery and exploitation of the working classes were based on? Also the devine right of kings? You do know that you can have a job and be happy? Not everyone defines success by their employment.

As for the genetic comment, that's how we sanctioned genocide, mass murder (while building our empire) and the hanging of children. As well as eugenics. Also just because women choose to not give birth, doesn't make them sad.

I find sticking pins in a replica (doll or similar) makes me feel so much better and the "victim" never even finds out!

If you are horrible to this woman, and cause her pain, she’ll then take it out on her children or work colleagues, none of whom have done you any harm. If you send spite and cruelty out into the world, it will back to you eventually. John humiliates Sarah, so Sarah takes out her pain on Paul, and Paul is angry and bitter at this. Funnily enough, the original John has a daughter who starts working with Paul. Instead of supporting her, however, Paul is in such a bad mood he’s vile to her, and she goes home to her dad, John, in tears.

I have no sympathy for this woman. And if she apologised to me, I’d coldly tell her that I don’t accept her apology, and that I have no wish to make her feel better about what she did, or to ease her guilt. I’d just have nothing to do with her. But no, there is enough cruelty and nastiness in the world. Don’t add to the sum total.

Pity her , she was obvs seriously unhappy and unpleasant to do that to you wouldn't start anything at work.

You don't need hassle now.

Not read the whole thread. I’d say the majority of childhood bullies have bad home lives. Hence all the “they’ve turned out crap” karma business. Life is unfair and shit when it goes wrong. You Live your life well. I’m sorry you had a shit time from her.

How old are you now OP?

you have completely got the wrong end of the stick. i have no children but do have a lovely family. The person who bullied me mocked people having regular day jobs- ie working in a supermarket, so that is irony- that she ends up working in a supermarket.
It is not me digging at her for working there or criticising anyone who works in a supermarket!
what i stand for is that is ok to not lead what some perceive as a normal life- ie i’m not married, have no kids and am standing by that.
I’m not posting any more on this topic as whatever i put is misinterpreted!

I wouldn't even give her the hard stare. That's silent communication which just confesses that she had a big effect on you.
Just be as distant as possible and act like you don't even know who she is. That will be far more annoying if she does remember you. She will wonder if its really you. I wouldn't give her any excuse to use her HR position.
Staring in dislike could only restart things if she thinks you might tell people and feels threatened enough to take action against you, in whatever form, which is exactly what you don't want.

The trouble with bullies like her is that they just don't care about the consequences of their action and they do it anyway. they enjoy it, think its justified and are more than prepared to lie about it and turn it around on you.

You survived her nastiness, she still has that stain on her character. Maybe she's changed, maybe not.. the fact is that you have lived a good life and you don't need to let her trouble your mind again.

Laxatives

So she works in HR @ACTIVE123 . Ugh. Why am I not surprised?
Human Remains seems to attract some very manipulative people. Mixed in with the odd absolute saint.

if she beat you up at 16/17 this is very traumatic and in hindsight was a police matter. She must have been and indeed be, very disturbed if this was her behaviour. I hope that she doesn’t need a dbs check or have to have contact with vulnerable people in her job. If she did I think you would be obligated to speak out about your experience with her.
hr is a department whereby there is a high amount of confidentiality and trust. She doesn’t sound suitable. Hopefully she will leave the company either by her own volition or by showing her true colours and getting the sack so it won’t be your problem.
I really feel for you op. If I was your manager and you told me this I would consider her failing her probation based on the reference.
I don’t think you should have to work in the same company as her.

👏