Page 12 | How to stop DH ruining my life ? At wits end with him !

Ohhhhhlalala · 2023-01-29T09:02:46+00:00

My husband has become more and more miserable over the years . His moods ruining many special days - yesterday in particular he ruined our anniversary . I am now at my wits end .I am currently pregnant with DC3. We have twins aged 2. I am getting to the point where I feel I wil have to leave as I don’t want to live. Miserable life but currently I am not ready but have been open with husband that I can’t continue to walk on egg shells and keep trying to be positive and that I am running out of steam with trying to be cheerful. Husband has acknowledged he is exhausted and struggling and hates he is miserable and insists he loves me. Here is my question - How can I now stop letting his misery dictate my day to day life ? I used to be so happy , free and excited. Do I just now completely ignore his moods? Stop trying ? Start arranging my own activities ?? I will be on maternity soon and stuck home with DH so I need strategies? He’s woke up sulking again and I am desperate not to waste another day feeling sad ? Please help ?

pictoosh · 29/01/2023 16:06

I never ask mumsnet for advice btw, I only offer it. This is why. I know 'fucking stupid' and it's not this poor woman's pregnancy.

PinkyFlamingo · 29/01/2023 16:14

pictoosh · 29/01/2023 15:56

The 'poor child' is none of your business and not what the OP is asking. Why are you commenting on it?

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The "poor child" will grow up to be an emotionally damaged and then as i am a therapist in the NHS it usually becomes my business.
Its 2023 woman have choices you know. And they arent always good ones they make.

CrystalCoco · 29/01/2023 16:15

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 15:20

@CrystalCoco Your time will come

Thank you @KettrickenSmiled I appreciate that way more than you could imagine.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 16:15

pictoosh · 29/01/2023 16:03

If I were the OP I'd leave this bullshit, judgemental, accusatory, victim-blaming useless thread where it stands and seek advice elsewhere.

Hear hear Pictoosh.

OP - if you are still reading - www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/myths/

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 16:17

Simulacra · 29/01/2023 16:00

Having another baby when you have toddler twins and your husband does nothing but moan about chores and how tired he is, and OP admits she is too, is fucking stupid.

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Your post is even more stupid

pictoosh · 29/01/2023 16:20

The OP has already described how they were in a good place when they decided to go for a third, but don't let that stop you hammering her into the ground...you're in your stride now.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 16:22

PinkyFlamingo · 29/01/2023 16:14

The "poor child" will grow up to be an emotionally damaged and then as i am a therapist in the NHS it usually becomes my business.
Its 2023 woman have choices you know. And they arent always good ones they make.

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You're certainly not a DA therapist in the NHS though, so don't try to bolster your appalling victim-blaming by coating it in a veneer of 'professional expertise'.

Congrats to you & your ilk for scaring OP off her own thread.

How you imagine that's going to help her get her kids away from their emotionally damaging father is beyond me, but you likely didn't consider that, because - & this bears repeating - you are not a DA therapist.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 16:24

CrystalCoco · 29/01/2023 16:15

Thank you @KettrickenSmiled I appreciate that way more than you could imagine.

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It took some of us decades. We pay it back, like others did for us, when our time came. I wish you much fortitude & ways of finding odd moments of inner peace as you manage your own journey x

CrystalCoco · 29/01/2023 16:27

KettrickenSmiled · 29/01/2023 16:24

It took some of us decades. We pay it back, like others did for us, when our time came. I wish you much fortitude & ways of finding odd moments of inner peace as you manage your own journey x

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Thank you ❤x

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 29/01/2023 16:33

Daffodilis · 29/01/2023 10:01

Make sure he gets a shag - wow, are you serious? What if OP doesn't want a fucking shag, she is not a receptacle!

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Read her again! You, and others, have totally misread this post! Read all the words!

Teaandtoast3 · 29/01/2023 16:33

PinkyFlamingo · 29/01/2023 16:14

The "poor child" will grow up to be an emotionally damaged and then as i am a therapist in the NHS it usually becomes my business.
Its 2023 woman have choices you know. And they arent always good ones they make.

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Back to basics @PinkyFlamingo where’s your non judgemental attitude for a start?

Babyroobs · 29/01/2023 16:37

Ohhhhhlalala · 29/01/2023 09:19

He is miserable because he is tired .
Well we both are .

He is constantly moaning he has to do chores. We both do .

He moans we don’t have sex ( we do once a week) but I am sick of him being inking and miserable and have no want to have sex.

He thinks the world is against him. He shouts in front of the children and is rude . He is always complaining about everything. It had become impossible .

I work 30 hours , share the housework . I have no family around me. I am sick of it . I honestly give up.

Why one earth bring a third child into this when it sounds like you are already both exhausted?

Babyroobs · 29/01/2023 16:44

Babyroobs · 29/01/2023 16:37

Why one earth bring a third child into this when it sounds like you are already both exhausted?

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Apologies - I have read the whole thread now.

Canthave2manycats · 29/01/2023 17:36

Simulacra · 29/01/2023 16:00

Having another baby when you have toddler twins and your husband does nothing but moan about chores and how tired he is, and OP admits she is too, is fucking stupid.

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Only in your opinion!!! Plenty of women have done it to have that last baby before it's 'too late'.

McBoatyFace · 29/01/2023 17:39

He is depressed. It won’t get better. Kids are hard work. Anti-depressants will help as will stop his sex drive!!! But yeh, men. Not all men, but a lot of men.

Canthave2manycats · 29/01/2023 17:40

PinkyFlamingo · 29/01/2023 16:14

The "poor child" will grow up to be an emotionally damaged and then as i am a therapist in the NHS it usually becomes my business.
Its 2023 woman have choices you know. And they arent always good ones they make.

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God help the NHS if you are the calibre of "therapist" they have at their disposal!!!

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 17:43

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 15:49

you were making a “gentle curious suggestion”’with this were you?

“I cannot believe 90+ % of people on here saying what a horrible man, he needs to sort himself out, you need to leave, you shouldn’t be around someone so moody, why would you have a baby with him? Would you all be saying that if we were talking about a woman who was feeling low/miserable/no energy/no interest in her family??? I highly doubt it! Disgusting comments on here from people who think it’s not for this woman to support her husband in getting help one way or the other and for her to just leave! How would that work with future visits with the children 🤦🏼‍♀️”

i’d hate to read something you wrote if you’re were really angry then!

nothing in this is helpful to the OP before or after any of her other posts

It is NOT up to anyone to support someone who is abusing them. He is abusing his wife. His pregnant wife and his two innocent young children. If you think people rightly identifying this behaviour at abusive and that she needs to be very careful and probably leave of the behaviour escalates as “disgusting and unhelpful” don’t be surprised if someone has a problem with that.

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Oh wow you really do lack the most basic listening or understanding don’t you. My comment is nothing to do with you so you don’t need to comment on it but you just can’t help yourself or shut up! I wasn’t suggesting it was helpful but neither is your constant digging at me! I was making an observation but apparently you’re the only one who is able to do that before she really detailed any kind of abuse from him and their day to day situation but as I said you have no intention of understanding where I was coming from which is fine but don’t come at me with your opinion when so many people on here inappropriately told this poor woman she shouldn’t of got pregnant 🤦🏼‍♀️

pictoosh · 29/01/2023 17:58

There is never any purpose in swiping at someone for having a baby or being pregnant, after the event has happened. The only reason to do so is to momentarily elevate yourself in your apparent 'wisdom' by making that person feel worse.
Some of you need to ask yourself why you are so inclined.

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:00

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 17:43

Oh wow you really do lack the most basic listening or understanding don’t you. My comment is nothing to do with you so you don’t need to comment on it but you just can’t help yourself or shut up! I wasn’t suggesting it was helpful but neither is your constant digging at me! I was making an observation but apparently you’re the only one who is able to do that before she really detailed any kind of abuse from him and their day to day situation but as I said you have no intention of understanding where I was coming from which is fine but don’t come at me with your opinion when so many people on here inappropriately told this poor woman she shouldn’t of got pregnant 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Stop insulting me on a personal level. Stop telling me to shut up. You insulted my - and many other women’s I imagine - intelligence with your first post.

I’m confidently working on the basis you have absolutely no personal experience of this because if you did you wouldn’t have dashed out such retrograde drivel about support and how disgusted you were.

There was nothing gentle or curious about your post: you were attacking women who had righty pointed out this is an abusive man. It was tone deaf and ill informed.

perhaps you wish you hadn’t written it?

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:04

@Chaz5rascals

as I said in my first response to you : I don’t like misandry especially in threads like this. So please stop attacking the woman here. She’s not the problem in this pregnancy it’s him.

and it’s “shouldn’t have” incidentally.

No wonder men can set the bar so low when there are women like you around spouting this shite

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 18:09

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:00

Stop insulting me on a personal level. Stop telling me to shut up. You insulted my - and many other women’s I imagine - intelligence with your first post.

I’m confidently working on the basis you have absolutely no personal experience of this because if you did you wouldn’t have dashed out such retrograde drivel about support and how disgusted you were.

There was nothing gentle or curious about your post: you were attacking women who had righty pointed out this is an abusive man. It was tone deaf and ill informed.

perhaps you wish you hadn’t written it?

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Why won’t you leave me alone? Do you have some messed up need to have the last word? Be as confident as you like but the way I choose to comment back to you will show you how much respect I have towards you and the way you have quite literally continued to attack my comment from over 10 hours ago without actually telling me what you aim to achieve by doing this? I refuse to comment in a way in which you will learn anything about me but you carry on confidently telling yourself what you think of me. Many others commented very similar to me, yet you haven’t continued to attack them and drone on and on about how they insulted you and so many others who are so highly intelligent that you were 100% sure this guy is abusive and controlling ignoring the fact he is likely depressed! If I offended you you could have ignored it, it’s my opinion after all. There you go again you’re opinion is right and mine is wrong…what a delight you are not

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:17

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 18:09

Why won’t you leave me alone? Do you have some messed up need to have the last word? Be as confident as you like but the way I choose to comment back to you will show you how much respect I have towards you and the way you have quite literally continued to attack my comment from over 10 hours ago without actually telling me what you aim to achieve by doing this? I refuse to comment in a way in which you will learn anything about me but you carry on confidently telling yourself what you think of me. Many others commented very similar to me, yet you haven’t continued to attack them and drone on and on about how they insulted you and so many others who are so highly intelligent that you were 100% sure this guy is abusive and controlling ignoring the fact he is likely depressed! If I offended you you could have ignored it, it’s my opinion after all. There you go again you’re opinion is right and mine is wrong…what a delight you are not

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Stop replying to me then!

out of the first few pages I read , your post was offensive to me and likely to make the OP feel guilty for what she knew what wrong in terms of his treatment of her.
it was impossible to have a discussion about that with you as you because you then decided to tell me my attitude was wrong and good luck with my life because of it.
You have now started criticising her vis a vis her pregnancy. I find this low and I find it the sort of pervasive nefarious shit that make women trapped in this situation self flagellate and sabotage even more.

Do you have any experience or idea about what this sort of situation is like to live in?

many of us do and it’s nothing about needing to have the last word but make sure the OP hears the right words. If you think for one second your labelling me something because of that makes me feel bad then dream on.

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 18:41

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:17

Stop replying to me then!

out of the first few pages I read , your post was offensive to me and likely to make the OP feel guilty for what she knew what wrong in terms of his treatment of her.
it was impossible to have a discussion about that with you as you because you then decided to tell me my attitude was wrong and good luck with my life because of it.
You have now started criticising her vis a vis her pregnancy. I find this low and I find it the sort of pervasive nefarious shit that make women trapped in this situation self flagellate and sabotage even more.

Do you have any experience or idea about what this sort of situation is like to live in?

many of us do and it’s nothing about needing to have the last word but make sure the OP hears the right words. If you think for one second your labelling me something because of that makes me feel bad then dream on.

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So yes it is because you need the last word, wow! Every single message you have written you’ve tried to put words in my mouth, you’re actually a really scary person and I think your replies speak volumes about your knowledge of abuse! I want to make it very clear that I did not write what I did to make the OP feel guilty and you suggesting that is exceptionally weird and totally wrong and I think you know that, you just like to stir the pot/stick the knife in! I said those things about your attitude a number of messages in because you made it very clear that you weren’t able to understand my point you just wanted to argue. How on earth have I started to criticise her about her pregnancy? That is exactly the opposite of what I have done and it is exactly why I wrote what I did in the beginning because others were saying such nasty things to her about her pregnancy; that and the possibility her husband is depressed BEFORE she made it clear he is abusive. I already said I truly hope the OP is ok and has a happy future.

Chaz5rascals · 29/01/2023 18:46

Whiskeypowers · 29/01/2023 18:04

@Chaz5rascals

as I said in my first response to you : I don’t like misandry especially in threads like this. So please stop attacking the woman here. She’s not the problem in this pregnancy it’s him.

and it’s “shouldn’t have” incidentally.

No wonder men can set the bar so low when there are women like you around spouting this shite

What are you talking about??? I haven’t attacked this woman about her pregnancy at all, if that was the case why on earth would I have written what I did in the very beginning?! There have been hundreds of negative comments about her pregnancy but not one of them from me and yet you decide to accuse me and have a go at me about it!

monsteramunch · 29/01/2023 18:58

@Chaz5rascals @Whiskeypowers

I think the thread has been completely derailed now by the back and forth between you two and I'm not sure it's doing anyone any good at this point is it? OP included. It might be best to think about stepping back from the thread.