Breast feeding in baby change room

[CreativeCreature]

Today, our local supermarket has one baby change room. DD desperately needed changing before it became a whole outfit change. Lady was in there 45mins breast feeding, I had to use disabled toilet & change DD. AIBU to think she was selfish?

I knocked on more to check she was okay, she came to the door shouting she’d only just started feeding her baby & slammed the door. She was then in there for another 30 mins. So a total of 45 mins.

There is an additional disabled toilet next door, which does not have a permanent changing bench nor does it have an armchair. It does have a pull down changing table.
This door has a wheelchair on it and a baby changing mat.

Fortunately most places I go have multiple options for disabled toilets - my local Asda has at least 7, presumably 10? the two I’ve mentioned above, one large cubicle in the downstairs girls toilets, a single cubicle upstairs and a larger cubicle within the main girls toilets, a single one in the cafe and a large cubicle in the girls loos in the cafe. I presume each of the men’s blocks also has a larger one but I’m not sure.

Completely agree..Some mothers need privacy.
A draped scarf often draws more attention than just feeding without a muslin.
Saw a brave mother feed on the bus the other day..Extremely discreetly, one wouldn't have known unless one had fed oneself.

Makes sense.

Than I don't understand why in the first half of this thread I see suggestions that mum repurposing baby change for feeding (and blocking it when other people might need it) is ok and in the second half repurposing accessible toilet for changing is wrong. In both cases it is somehow related, but blocking the designated activity.
(This isn't specifically aimed at Fitz)

I would have been annoyed, too. It’s far too long to be taking up the only available baby change space. I would have fed the baby in the cafe or the car, it would have felt selfish to know that other mums needed to use the room but I was taking it over for the best part of an hour.

I think the root problem here is that for some reasons she feels the need to feed in a toilet. It’s a shame and has a knock on effect.

If it was me, I'd have probably invited you in to change your baby whilst I fed - if I knew I would be using the room for a long time.

But tbh, I find the thought of feeding a baby where people change nappies / go to the toilet a bit gross. So I would have used the cafe with a nice cuppa!

It's hard being first time mum if you are awkward. After a bit you get on board just feeding anywhere. But same as changing kid, most changing bags have a mat included, not ideal but just crack on changing them in normal toilet . Same as using a disabled loo. If there's another option use that, but if you have kids and pram then use it. And don't feel guilty if it's keeping you and kids safe

Thank you to the poster who suggested holding a baby at the same time as changing a tampon, it did bring a smile to my face during these early hours.
Have you actually done this before? Not only since giving birth can I not insert a tampon using one hand but even if I could what happens when I inevitably get blood on my hand which tends to happen on heavy flow days?

That is a long time to be breastfeeding, but first in, first serve. I can only assume she couldn't do it in public for some reason as no one would want to be stuck in a room for that long BF anyway.
What would you have done if there were two others waiting after her to feed? Or if there was no changing room? Or if all the toilets were out of order? I think you're lucky if this is such a problem that has caused you enough stress to want to post about it, and I award you ...

the supermarket was being unreasonable, not the other mum. they should put foldaway changing tables in both the main toilets so that parents can do nappy changes wherever. bf mums shouldn't have to stay at home for months and are reasonable to choose for themselves how much privacy they need so its not intrinsically unreasonable for her to use a provided facility for that long, it can take that long for a baby to get a proper feed, but there needs to be more facilities.

I think she was being a bit selfish tbh and I wouldn’t have stayed in there to feed my child if I knew another mum was outside waiting to change hers.

YANBU. That's way too long to be in the baby change.
However, it is very unreasonable that we as a society make mums feel like they need to hide away to feed.

I think neither of you are UR - you both wanted to use the facilities for their intended purpose. There should be, imo, separate feeding rooms and baby change spaces. You sometimes get this and other times they just plonk a plastic chair in the loo and call it a feeding / parent room. You could also have both slightly adjusted your behaviour - I've often done a nappy change in the buggy, laying it as flat as possible, or in the boot of the car. Also if I knew, or realised as I started, that my baby was settling in for a long feed, I'd move to the cafe or, again, car (I'm assuming you both had cars as you say supermarket). I've also found shops are more than happy to let mums feed in changing rooms if they aren't busy. Anyway, facilities for new mums are rubbish and I don't blame either of you for wanting appropriate spaces to change and feed your DC.

I can't even insert one whilst sitting down anymore. It's a whole palaver involving standing up and putting a foot up on something. Imagine doing that when holding a baby

I breastfeed and in the first few months was really nervous about doing it in public.

There's still no way I would have used up the only baby changing facilties in a venue for 45 minutes to BF. I would've sat in a quiet corner of the cafe, or if that wasn't possible, the car.

You must have very long legs.

I think it was really selfish of her, she could feed her baby anywhere, you said you had to wait in the cafe. That would be the perfect place to feed a baby. You on the other hand can't change a nappy anywhere. If she doesn't like to feed in public I think she should be prepared with some sort of cover. I don't think shops should have provide areas to breast feed in because that makes it seem like they don't support breastfeeding anywhere but those areas.

Victoria Centre in Nottingham has a set up like that and also some individual cubicles with toilets and baby change too, was absolutely amazed to go round the corner to see that though. Big wall of baby changing trays mounted on counters with sinks in between. Buggy parking and feeding cubicles, even has bottle warming.

She was selfish. Whilst it's not impossible to change a baby with a space, it's not ideal and usually frowned upon if you do it anywhere else - cafe table anyone?
It is easy to feed in a cafe.Grab a drink then either find a more private part, wear dual layers so you can feed discretely or use a covering (although I found these akin to a neon sign...). There are plenty of options for public feeding if you're not a "baps oot" kinda lady 🤣. Don't impact your choices on other parents though.

Was meant to quote @shard5

So basically if she doesn’t feel comfortable feeding in public she should just stay home because private spaces shouldn’t be made available??

Of course a nappy can be changed in other place, there was a whole toilet space OP could have put a changing mat down on.

Why would they have very long legs? You put the child at 90 degrees to you, not length ways along your legs.

Why did you stay the 45 minutes? Could you not have gone to your car (unless you used public transport)? Did you have a pram with you that you could have changed baby in? Ideally she would have fed baby in a cafe leaving the one changing room to be used for its actual purpose. I'd have complained to customer services in the supermarket, they may well have suggested somewhere for you to change baby and saved you waiting so long.

If it was a baby room for feeding and changing then she was fine. Not everyone feels comfortable feeding in a cafe or the car.
Personally I’ll whip a tit out anywhere and take the dirty looks, weird stares and comments but many other mothers can’t so they should be able to feed in peace.
I rarely change a nappy in a changing room. Buggy or car are the easiest places. I can do over a knee as well.

Yes selfish, why couldn't she just feed her baby in the cafe?