Breast feeding in baby change room

[CreativeCreature]

Today, our local supermarket has one baby change room. DD desperately needed changing before it became a whole outfit change. Lady was in there 45mins breast feeding, I had to use disabled toilet & change DD. AIBU to think she was selfish?

I knocked on more to check she was okay, she came to the door shouting she’d only just started feeding her baby & slammed the door. She was then in there for another 30 mins. So a total of 45 mins.

It's really common for there to be no cubicle big enough for a pram, though - you're meant to take the baby out of the pram, that's the point?

Yes but regardless, if I need to pee and I have a pram with me, I need to use the disabled toilet in Asda, Morrisons and Aldi.

I would need more space than a normal cubicle to change my baby in, for sure. Cubicles nowadays are tiny - I’m a size 12 and sometimes I struggle with how narrow the stalls are.

Where would I put my baby while I pee/change my tampon?

Are you disabled? If you are, you are entitled to use the disabled loo.

Otherwise, you hold the baby while you pee and change your tampon, don't you?

@shard John Lewis has a similar set up.

@WineDup I don’t know how many more times this can be said - there is no reason that is good enough for using a disabled toilet. Not a pram, not being over a size 12, not having a tampon in, not the baby change being in there - nothing.

Disabled facilities are legal provisions. They were fought for for decades and are for the sole use of those with disabilities. They are not there for the convenience of mums. If you want facilities for mums, campaign for them. You won’t, because being inconvenienced is a temporary state for most mums, so they think: why should I bother? But the disabled person spends a lifetime with endless generations of new mums nicking their facilities rather than campaigning, bedside it’s only temporary.

This drives me absolutely bananas. You are being let down by lack of facilities, but that does not give you the right to steal somebody else’s.

I did this the other day, still getting to grips with bf as a new mum so I most certainly didn't feel confident doing it walking round the middle of a shopping centre. The baby change room I used had an armchair which I took to mean its designed for feeding purposes. I'd say we were about 15 mins max. There was no other alternative available to me and I had to feed my child so I think you are being unreasonable for being cross at her rather than the supermarket for not providing a changing table in the accessible bathroom. When I have my car with me I go and feed in the backseat but that isn't always possible. Some women also wouldn't feel comfortable feeding in a public space like a cafe for religious or personal reasons. @Devoutspoken a babies need for food is potentially more urgent than a nappy change in some situations and I would imagine that if she had to feed for 45 minutes it's probably not going smoothly for her so not ideal in a cafe.

Absolutely not. How does one safely hold an infant while changing their tampon, in a 2ft wide box?

Going back to OPs situation though, it would be impossible to change a baby on your knee/the floor of a standard cubicle.

Disabled toilets aren’t like disabled parking spaces, they are for anyone who needs extra space/supports. I used one post section myself because I needed to use the hand rails to get myself off the toilet, I wasn’t disabled but I needed the adaptation. Similarly those with anxiety about public toilets can use disabled toilets.

Obviously if there is a non adapted space which is suitable I’ll use that - some places have a larger family style cubicle which is great, some have a family room with a toilet, some even have a baby seat attached to the wall where baby can go. So those are all ideal. It’s simply not possible for me to hold my 98th centile toddler who can’t yet stand up on his own while I change my tampon.

When she arrived, there was not a baby needing changed. She got there first. Would you never buy the last loaf of bread in a shop incase the person who comes along the isle after you needed it more?!

I never breastfed in public, but I think it’s unreasonable to breastfeed in a space other people might need to use for 45 minutes. If it took me that long to do a feed, I would try have a different plan in terms of where I went, what I brought with me in terms of covers, etc.

At the same time, I’ve changed many nappies on the ground on my portable changing pad, and that’s never a big deal.

Great plan, but if I have my baby I'm my left arm and my tampon in my right, where the hell do I put left baby's twin??

Most shops have accessible toilets rather than disabled, so they have the changing board etc in too. Rightly or wrongly people aren't going to piss themselves or put young babies on a dirty floor over quickly using a disabled toilet

Disabled toilets aren’t like disabled parking spaces, they are for anyone who needs extra space/supports. I used one post section myself because I needed to use the hand rails to get myself off the toilet, I wasn’t disabled but I needed the adaptation. Similarly those with anxiety about public toilets can use disabled toilets.

Why do you think it’s called a bloody disabled toilet if you don’t need to be disabled to use it? Christ alive.

Even on the toilets now called “accessible” and not “disabled”, there’s additional signage saying, “not all disabilities are visible”. It’s very clear who these things are for and it’s not mums and babies.

Honestly, the entitlement. I’m used to mums nicking the facilities but denying that they’re there for those with disabilities in the first place is a new one on me.

There’s a third option: campaigning for your own bloody facilities.

I realise that you can’t be bothered because the ideal facilities already exist and it’s easier to just nick them and then argue that disability somehow includes having a baby, but one can dream.

As you say, most of them are called “accessible” toilets, and they are for anyone who can’t access the toilet. Which I can’t do when I have my baby.

Plus, in almost every place I go, the baby changing table is inside the accessible cubicle. So it clearly is a space designed for parents to take young children too.

As you say, most of them are called “accessible” toilets, and they are for anyone who can’t access the toilet. Which I can’t do when I have my baby.

Didn’t bother to read the rest of my paragraph where I pointed out that the new accessible wording is accompanied with a sign saying “not all disabilities are visible”. The purpose of the name change was to widen the use of the facility to other disabilities, not just wheelchair users. Accessibility refers to the ability of a disabled person to access services. It does not refer to the ability of a mum to get a pram into a cubicle.

Plus, in almost every place I go, the baby changing table is inside the accessible cubicle. So it clearly is a space designed for parents to take young children too

I report every single place I see doing that, because they are breaching the provisions of the Equality Act, rendering a facility that is required to be accessible for disabled people inaccessible to them due to mums taking prams in there. It’s because the shops don’t understand their obligations, not because that’s what is intended.

I don’t know why I’m bothering arguing with you as you’re clearly going to carry on until your baby is old enough and then you’ll no longer care, but this behaviour is abhorrent and you should be ashamed of it.

Places I’ve been very recently where the baby changing table is in the disabled toilet:

-Asda
-Matalan
-Aldi
-morrisons
-my local hospital
-starbucks
-costa
-TGI Fridays
-Wetherspoons

im sure there are countless more, but honestly, people with young babies do need to use the disabled toilet if there is nowhere else that they can change their baby.

im sure there are countless more, but honestly, people with young babies do need to use the disabled toilet if there is nowhere else that they can change their baby.

No, they need to campaign for their own spaces. Nicking disabled facilities is a choice.

Even if I remove my child from his pram, I still can’t use a normal cubicle, because he is unable to stand while I pee/change my tampon. As soon as my child can stand unaided, I’ll use the cubicle. Until that time, I cannot access the toilet without leaving my child unattended. Which I’m not willing to do, obviously.

If my son has shat from his knees to his shoulders, Ashe does approximately three times per day, then I’m going to go where I can change him asap - which is the baby changing table inside the disabled toilet.

I understand the disabled loo argument. Place designated for disabled people.
But surely the same logic applies on the baby change. It is for changing babies. Taking it away for 45 minutes isn't fair on people who need to change their babies.

Mental experiment: What if disabled mother needed to breastfeed her baby. Would it be ok for her to do it in disabled toilets (for 45 minutes)?

Our Asda has a weird room which is bizarrely multipurpose. It’s for a designated fixed baby changing area, not a pull-down changing mat. They provide nappies, wipes and nappy sacks. In the corner, there is a comfortable armchair, presumably for feeding a child. There is also a fully functional disabled access toilet with grab rails and an emergency chord.
Whos space is it?

@WineDup As I said, I knew you would. Lucky ol’ you that disabled people campaigned for decades to get themselves something that you can simply nick.

You give the left baby’s twin your tampon to hold and you hold left baby in your right hand, duuuh.

Whos space is it?

I’ve already answered this. Disabled toilets are required to be provided under the Eq. Act. Baby changing spaces are not. That space may be multi-purpose but it has one sole legal designation, for a disabled person. The shop is in the wrong by designing it so as to make mums think they have the right to override a legally designated space.

This. I can't understand why you wouldn't prefer to cover yourself and feed somewhere comfortable and hygienic over feeding in a changing facility that I assume doesn't have a chair.

That aside. It's really a problem for the supermarket.

Mental experiment: What if disabled mother needed to breastfeed her baby. Would it be ok for her to do it in disabled toilets (for 45 minutes)?

I don’t think breastfeeding in the disabled toilet is OK. Here, the mum is entitled to be in there and were she using the toilet then the fact that another disabled person has to wait is very unfortunate but no more than that. If she’s not using the toilet but co-opting it for a different purpose then that creates an accessibility issue.

That being said, my experience is that disabled people are generally very mindful of the need to ensure the accessibility of their facilities to other disabled people (it’s our work that got these facilities installed in the first place). So I don’t imagine that this scenario would arise very frequently.