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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding in baby change room

184 replies

CreativeCreature · 28/01/2023 20:41

Today, our local supermarket has one baby change room. DD desperately needed changing before it became a whole outfit change. Lady was in there 45mins breast feeding, I had to use disabled toilet & change DD. AIBU to think she was selfish?

I knocked on more to check she was okay, she came to the door shouting she’d only just started feeding her baby & slammed the door. She was then in there for another 30 mins. So a total of 45 mins.

OP posts:
DaveyJonesLocker · 28/01/2023 21:21

YANBU our supermarket has the same thing. It's a baby room so used for feeding and changing. Its stupid. I think you're supposed to share it but I'm not sure.

Swiftswatch · 28/01/2023 21:28

@Viviennemary She could have bf in the cafe.

If she could have then she would have. She clearly didn’t feel comfortable doing so and that’s totally fine. Or baby her baby was starving but doesn’t feed well in public with things going on.

Just as OP could have put her changing mat down on the bathroom floor.

Scottishskifun · 28/01/2023 21:32

Tricky as I can see both sides DS1 from 4 months was a nightmare to feed out he just wanted to see everything and wouldn't feed then would get upset as hungry! I could only feed him in quiet locations.

But I probably would have gone for one of the shops with bf areas or my car to feed rather then take up a baby change room.
But some women are finding their feet with feeding and in public its very daunting to begin with.

I probably would have just changed on the floor of the toilet as well and given some understanding to the mum tbh

zinch · 28/01/2023 21:32

Why couldn't she feed the baby in the car or in a cafe? I wouldn't take up the baby change facilities to feed a baby, why would anyone want to do that? I'm in and out of those as fast as I can be, they're not exactly the nicest spaces to be in!

MeinKraft · 28/01/2023 21:33

Should've changed the baby on the cafe table in protest Grin (JOKE I am JOKING)

FLOWER1982 · 28/01/2023 21:33

45 minute feed sounds like a new born Yabu.

LivingOnAPrayerYes · 28/01/2023 21:36

Yes @Puppers it is not just the answer that the woman just SHOULD have fed in the cafe. In an ideal world, of course that would be the solution. But unfortunately the UK has a very very low rate of breastfeeding so it is often seen as 'not normal'. Of course I absolutely don't agree with this, but it's very, very naive to think that it's just easy and straight forward for everyone to get on with it in public.

Some women might feel forced into feeding in private by the people they are with- parents, in-laws and even partners might TELL them to go and feed in private.

Others might be struggling in the early stages of breast feeding and not feel confident getting a latch in public (see previous point about low breast feeding rates and actually how many times new mothers have actually seen others feeding in public)

Some babies often reach a stage (for me, around 5 months) where they need somewhere private and quiet to feed, otherwise they are screaming 'here, look at my mum's nipple' whilst also not getting a good feed.

And other mums might have a million and one other reasons why they are not comfortable feeding in public.

So the answer: if you're going to offer a place for nursing mothers (great), don't put it in the only changing place.

Thepossibility · 28/01/2023 21:36

She should've allowed you to change your baby in there while she fed hers.

You can't monopolize the whole space for yourself for such a long time.

Merlott · 28/01/2023 21:37

Sometimes you have to change the baby elsewhere.. yabu. Buggy, toilet, floor, boot of car... or... walk to a nearby cafe/other shop if you're that determined to use a public facility?!

spidereggs · 28/01/2023 21:38

I, gently, suspect first baby? For both?

Because yes, that would be me, in both situations
.
I vividly remember baby very new complaining to local agriculture show re no baby change or feeding area.

Which a lady reminded me about this year when i was changing dd 3 as she was lying on a bale of straw.

VeronicaFranklin · 28/01/2023 21:42

So it's not unreasonable for her to be feeding her baby in the baby change, perhaps it's the only place she felt comfortable and her baby needed feeding. But in my opinion she should have allowed you in to change your baby too instead of hogging the room for so long.

The supermarket needs to consider making an additional area for feeding mums. I know I have been annoyed going into Marks and Spencers that have a baby change but no toilet in - so if I'm out shopping alone with baby in the pram, I can change her but can't go to the loo myself as the main female loos haven't got space for pram and I obv can't leave baby alone.

Most baby changing rooms have a toilet or toilet cubicle in them so mums can go to the loo too.

winterpastasalad · 28/01/2023 21:42

I couldn't BF without my boobs literally hanging out,so doing it in a cafe wouldn't have been possible. I had to hold baby's head with one hand and my boob with the other. I was always jealous of those who could do it very discreetly!

Puppers · 28/01/2023 21:46

Kitcaterpillar · 28/01/2023 21:20

Yeah, that's a long answer but it is a bit weird.

You couldn't pay me to sit in a manky supermarket baby change for 5 minutes, let alone 45.

Nope still not weird. I'm sure it wouldn't have been her idea of a good time either so common sense would suggest there was a reason she didn't feel comfortable in the cafe.

YahYahadahling · 28/01/2023 21:48

PlinkyPlonk1 · 28/01/2023 21:10

It's weird that she didn't just sit in the cafe to feed the baby. If she felt that odd about people looking, she could get a muslin from the shop to help cover up.

Agree!

Sleepless1096 · 28/01/2023 21:49

If she was in there 45 minutes, presumably there was a chair in there. So it wasn't just a baby changing station?

In her shoes, I might not have been willing to interrupt my baby mid-feed and have to deal with finding somewhere quiet to continue feeding a screaming baby. But I would have unlocked the door and offered to share the space since you were just another mum changing her child.

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/01/2023 21:51

It's a shame she felt she had to hide in the toilets to feed her baby.

Was there not a cafe?

Emmamoo89 · 28/01/2023 21:55

She's not selfish at all. Some babies feed for ages. I'm sorry but that's more important.

Emmamoo89 · 28/01/2023 21:57

But if that was me and was able to would of let you in to change baby

mummyh2016 · 28/01/2023 21:58

If it was purely a baby changing room then she WBU. If it was a feeding and changing room then she was entitled to use it for that purpose.
I completely agree that it's shit if she has nowhere to feed but that's something that she needs to take up with the supermarket. We're not talking the OP having a 5 minute wait here, 45 minutes is ridiculous to be hogging a room when you know someone else is waiting.

LivingOnAPrayerYes · 28/01/2023 21:59

For other reference: Liverpool airport has the most wonderful toilet area at the gates. There is an accessible toilet with an adult toilet with bars for disabled users, an adult sink, along with a child sized toilet and a child sized sink, and a baby changing drop down thing. I honestly look forward to using it!

It's been SO thought out for all possible users. I wish other places would put in as much thought.

Would love to know if they have a feeding area too!

waterrat · 28/01/2023 22:00

I would just presume as others have said she would not be feeding in there unless she was pretty anxious or stressed about it so why not be kind? Knocking and making her feel stressed seems mean...we can all be a bit kinder surely to other mums ?

Original poster
CreativeCreature · 28/01/2023 22:01

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/01/2023 21:51

It's a shame she felt she had to hide in the toilets to feed her baby.

Was there not a cafe?

Yes there was a cafe

OP posts:
Original poster
CreativeCreature · 28/01/2023 22:02

Sleepless1096 · 28/01/2023 21:49

If she was in there 45 minutes, presumably there was a chair in there. So it wasn't just a baby changing station?

In her shoes, I might not have been willing to interrupt my baby mid-feed and have to deal with finding somewhere quiet to continue feeding a screaming baby. But I would have unlocked the door and offered to share the space since you were just another mum changing her child.

says baby changing on the door and advertised as baby changing on website. There was a chair in there though

OP posts:
welleyenebber · 28/01/2023 22:02

I'd have changed the baby in the car.
But you should complain to the supermarket, not the bf mum.

escapingthecity · 28/01/2023 22:03

She should have used the cafe. She was being U. PFB I would guess.

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