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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding in baby change room

184 replies

CreativeCreature · 28/01/2023 20:41

Today, our local supermarket has one baby change room. DD desperately needed changing before it became a whole outfit change. Lady was in there 45mins breast feeding, I had to use disabled toilet & change DD. AIBU to think she was selfish?

I knocked on more to check she was okay, she came to the door shouting she’d only just started feeding her baby & slammed the door. She was then in there for another 30 mins. So a total of 45 mins.

OP posts:
Original poster
CreativeCreature · 28/01/2023 22:03

waterrat · 28/01/2023 22:00

I would just presume as others have said she would not be feeding in there unless she was pretty anxious or stressed about it so why not be kind? Knocking and making her feel stressed seems mean...we can all be a bit kinder surely to other mums ?

I only knocked on to check she was okay. It was 15 mins & no noise. I even asked a member of staff if it was out of order as there was no noise coming from the room. If she was feeding & was anxious then it’s okay I’ll try to find somewhere else. I wasn’t trying to make her feel uncomfortable

OP posts:
shard5 · 28/01/2023 22:09

It's the supermarkets fault for not having better facilities. She probably changed the baby who then needed feeding so sat down to feed. 45 minutes indicates it was either a full on outfit change then feed or a very new mum and newborn baby.
I suppose it's just first come first served in these instances.

shard5 · 28/01/2023 22:12

We were at an aquarium in Lisbon on our first (and only) ever family holiday abroad with DD who was breastfed. They had a large changing room with changing stations down one side, each with a mat, wipes and handwash then screened off armchairs around the corner for feeding.
Now I'm not well travelled but in the UK I've never seen facilities even similar to those.

Justalittlebitduckling · 28/01/2023 22:21

She could have just let you in to use the baby change while she was feeding. Solidarity and all that.

Devoutspoken · 28/01/2023 22:21

I've never bf a baby in a 'feeding area', although I consider everywhere to be a feeding area

TheGoogleMum · 28/01/2023 22:23

It's a little annoying that she hogged the baby change for so long, I guess ideally the supermarket would have more than 1 room

DappledThings · 28/01/2023 22:28

She should have just fed the baby in the cafe. Or at the very least unlocked the door so someone else could come in and use the baby changing room to change their baby. Beats me why anyone would choose to feed in a toilet (which is essentially what a baby change is) when chairs in a space away from actual shit are available.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 28/01/2023 22:35

She could have found a quiet spot in the cafe and covered up . No need to use the toilet that’s totally unfair

Songbird54321 · 28/01/2023 22:38

Wasn't a morrisons was it? Our local one has a feeding chair in the baby change, although it doesn't mention being a feeding room outside at all.
I personally wouldn't stay in the only baby change for that long to feed my baby but then I also wouldn't have much issue changing my baby most places. I've done boot of the car, pram, park bench, school field and carry a little change mat for emergencies anyways. I don't think either of you were necessarily being unreasonable to be honest, but it does highlight the lack of facilities for babies/children in a lot of public places

Songbird54321 · 28/01/2023 22:41

Justalittlebitduckling · 28/01/2023 22:21

She could have just let you in to use the baby change while she was feeding. Solidarity and all that.

I let a dad and a desperate for the toilet toddler in the baby change room with us once. He didn't want to take her into the mens and I was just quickly changing my daughter's nappy. Everyone was happy

2ndTimeRound90 · 28/01/2023 22:55

Definitely something to take up with the supermarket, as she was not BU if there was a chair in there.

All these women saying 'use the cafe'...I'm perfectly happy feeding in public, but my 8 month old is currently at a stage where he WILL NOT feed in public. No matter how hungry he is, the world is too exciting just at that moment. Then as soon as he is away from the boob again he is hangry. Luckily he feeds quick, but my eldest was always slow and fed 30-40 mins for his whole bf history.

Also I was once the woman on the other side of a door in a feeding room in an airport, and could hear a woman giving off outside to an attendant that she thought the room was being misused and he actually ended up unlocking the door from outside and walking in on me! (I'd only been there about 5-10 mins!) It was all incredibly stressful!! So maybe she was aware of you outside even before you knocked and she was on edge.

Pearfacebanana · 28/01/2023 23:13

Not ideal for either of you really. My emergency change place was the car boot - very handy!

Blackmetalmama · 28/01/2023 23:39

I can't believe people are changing their babies on the floor in public toilets. Horrific.

Alannahxx · 28/01/2023 23:49

Bit weird that she didn't just sit in the cafe to feed the baby. Personally I'd have fed baby while walking around and doing the shopping😂

But why couldn't she let you in to change your baby if she wasn't using the changing table? Like she couldn't have shared the space for 5 minutes?!

nopenotplaying · 28/01/2023 23:55

I have sat in a baby change and cried when I've struggled to get a latch without taking out the whole boob and re latching numerous times.

It's not fun and it won't have been 45 mins of joy.

I have sat on a toilet and fed because I was told embarrassed to feed in public. Also cried.

You don't know what's going on

elenacampana · 29/01/2023 00:08

Emmamoo89 · 28/01/2023 21:55

She's not selfish at all. Some babies feed for ages. I'm sorry but that's more important.

Might have known you’d turn up at any mention of breastfeeding.

She should have shared and I’d have made a bit of a fuss if anyone stopped me changing my baby so they could breastfeed theirs. We have to all be considerate of each other.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2023 00:20

Alannahxx · 28/01/2023 23:49

Bit weird that she didn't just sit in the cafe to feed the baby. Personally I'd have fed baby while walking around and doing the shopping😂

But why couldn't she let you in to change your baby if she wasn't using the changing table? Like she couldn't have shared the space for 5 minutes?!

Which is, genuinely, great that you find it fairly easy to get baby on and off without too much fuss / indifferent to people seeing. But not everyone is. First baby, my friend struggled for months. Saw specialist and midwife etc but they just couldn't get the swing of it. Second child she found it much easier but baby was a, puker so walking around wouldn't have worked.

Agree she could have shared the space but if she's feeling like a shit Mom who can't feed, she's just got a latch and now there's banging at the door, so she's had to stand up and she's lost the latch and then some woman is standing there with a stinking baby, I can understand why she might have been a bit tetchy

SarahAndQuack · 29/01/2023 00:24

It's really tricky. I believe she's entitled to feed wherever works, but ideally there should be enough breastfeeding-friendly space that she didn't feel the need to feed her baby in a toilet, while other people were waiting.

I absolutely get how you feel. I still remember all the times I changed DD on my knees or on the back seat of the car or whatever, because there wasn't an accessible changing space, and I hated it - especially when we'd specifically gone to that shop/restaurant//whatever because it claimed to have baby changing facilities.

But, this mum won't have been living her best life either, right? It's not her fault there weren't enough facilities.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 29/01/2023 00:25

Unless you’re disabled then using a disabled facility is really not on. It’s a disabled toilet, not a “disabled toilet unless there’s a woman feeding in the baby change and then anyone can use it toilet”.

Original poster
CreativeCreature · 29/01/2023 00:30

fitzwilliamdarcy · 29/01/2023 00:25

Unless you’re disabled then using a disabled facility is really not on. It’s a disabled toilet, not a “disabled toilet unless there’s a woman feeding in the baby change and then anyone can use it toilet”.

There was nowhere else. I was as quick as I could be. I even left the door slightly open in case anybody came along who desperately needed it

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 29/01/2023 00:37

CreativeCreature · 29/01/2023 00:30

There was nowhere else. I was as quick as I could be. I even left the door slightly open in case anybody came along who desperately needed it

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It’s a disabled toilet, not a “disabled toilet unless there’s nowhere else and then anyone can use it toilet”. I understand why you did it but there’s no reason that makes it OK.

SarahAndQuack · 29/01/2023 00:43

CreativeCreature · 29/01/2023 00:30

There was nowhere else. I was as quick as I could be. I even left the door slightly open in case anybody came along who desperately needed it

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You shouldn't use it, though. But this is even more reason to complain about a lack of necessary facilities. If no one complains, nothing will change.

Danielle9891 · 29/01/2023 00:49

No you both needed the room but she was 1st. Could you have changed the baby on in the pram or in the car?

WineDup · 29/01/2023 00:49

fitzwilliamdarcy · 29/01/2023 00:37

It’s a disabled toilet, not a “disabled toilet unless there’s nowhere else and then anyone can use it toilet”. I understand why you did it but there’s no reason that makes it OK.

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Sometimes I have no choice but to use it - if I’m out with my son there is no cubicle big enough to fit a pram in. And often the baby change facilities are in the disabled toilet (Asda, Morrisons and Aldi all do this)

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2023 00:50

WineDup · 29/01/2023 00:49

Sometimes I have no choice but to use it - if I’m out with my son there is no cubicle big enough to fit a pram in. And often the baby change facilities are in the disabled toilet (Asda, Morrisons and Aldi all do this)

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Ops didn't have baby change facilities in it tho, that's pp's point. It wasn't a baby change, not even half a one.