To have told DH life would be easier without him

[PourPatrol]

DS (4) ran into the lounge with scissors

I was feeding the baby.

DH said "pourpatrol you need to get scissors off DS now"

I said "Urm you need to do it. Ive got the baby"

He said "you do it. You're some sort of DS whisperer. He never obeys me"

I snapped "bloody hell"

He went mad. "The way you talk to me is unacceptable blah blah." Then he said something about leaving me to it

I said, walking away with both kids, "to be honest sometimes I think it would all be easier without you"

That wasn't nice was it? He's now walking round the house muttering "easier without you" under his breath and randomly laughing or shaking his head. It's very weird and disconcerting

I was pretty horrible. Do I need to apologise. He just never does anything except tell me what to do.

He's just bloody walked upstairs as I'm in the middle of reading them stories for bed. DS shouted "daddy I missed you". DH grins like a total dickhead and starts reading boooks with them. Ignores me entirely. Won't look at me. I've just pretended to go to the loo. My heart is beating out my chest. I just got to get the kids to sleep. I have to hold my tongue. He didn't even last a bloody day!

There's one door with no internal bolt or anything so I locked it from inside but u didn't realise he'd taken all the keys cos we don't really use that back door. Anyway he's in the house. Not like I can keep him out legally anyway. I'm gutted. I just don't know what to say to him. I want him to leave again.

However hard it is, keep your powder dry. He's the kind who will kick off massively if you mention that you want a divorce. Keep it softly, softly and then get things started, and be prepared to call the police on him if he kicks off once he realises you are serious about wanting out. You can't make him leave, he has rights, but if he does something violent that changes.

You both sound immature/ childish tbh - probably for the best you separate to limit impact on your children.

Good luck with the divorce

@BabyOnBoard90 Kick a woman while she's down eh? Immature? I'm trying my absolute best for my kids to provide, navigate it all and reduce impact on kids as much as possible. Your comment hurt a weird amount. Anyway. Kids asleep so now to go downstairs and face the music.

Good luck OP. x

@PourPatrol please ignore @BabyOnBoard90 , they delight in being contrarian, goady and always taking the side of the man against the woman even where there is abuse. I am so sorry your thread has attracted someone like that. Carry on doing the right thing by your DC and the rest of us will keep supporting you.

The truth can hurt. Everything you posted does not sound like a mature adult exchange. There's a clear break down in communication that neither of you seem willing to address.

Hence my prior post

Pot kettle black tbh. And nothing in my post was "taking the side of the man".

Go and see a solicitor and figure out what will happen financially esp in terms of housing id you separate. Wait until a good time for a calm discussion. Then tell him you want to separate.
If you’re afraid of how he will react - that he will hurt you or the children, then get advice from women’s aid and the police about how to safely leave. If you know he might be upset but not a risk to you, then tell him you’re not happy and you want to split and coparent.

@PourPatrol ignore that poster. They are just desperate for attention and hate women.

Keep the conversation going with the solicitor. Log everything he’s saying and doing.
He won’t go easily and he will try to head fuck your every step of the way because the only way he feels good about himself is when he’s abusing you all. He won’t want to lose that.

Grey rock, plan your exit and go. Good luck.

Hope you are ok and safe, op.

@BabyOnBoard90 I don't think you've read the full thread, because nobody in their right mind who had, would accuse OP of being anything but a sensible parent trying their best to parent a ND child well whilst coping with a husband who resorts to shouting, swearing and blaming and does nothing to improve his parenting.

So either you haven't read the full thread (in which case go back and do so), or I stand by my description of the kind of poster you are.

Keep going OP, he sounds vile, get rid and brighter days are ahead

Their comment hurt because that’s what they were aiming for.

That taste of freedom you had when you did the online food shop is just the tip of the iceberg of relief and freedom that is coming your way once you are rid of your ‘D’H for good. Stay strong OP but ultimately keep yourself safe.

I'm sorry he's behaving like he is (that's your H by the way). He's showing you what type of man he is. The mask is slipping and the true person he is, is starting to show.

Good for you for doing an online order - do more of them!
Don't tell him you've contacted a solicitor - best keep your powder dry until you absolutely have to divulge that to him
I've seen it mentioned on other threads but can you get a Non-Molestation order or perhaps a barring order which would prohibit him from entering the home because your ND son needs a safe space to be able to live in and the way that your H is going on, it's not safe. I believe Womens Aid can help with advising which might work for you.

I want to wish you all the best in getting through the next few days, weeks and months. Please keep chatting here and reach out to Womens Aid too. You're not the first to do it and unfortunately you will not be the last needing of their services.

Stay strong, op. When you divorce you will be able to live in a house that's happy and peaceful and free of your angry h stamping around, and you will be able do the shopping wherever you want and buy what you want - you will feel that freedom all the time.

Your chances of a relationship breakdown are so much higher if you have an autistic child.

You’ve made the first step by contacting a solicitor. They will help you navigate leaving the relationship. It’s ridiculous you can’t decide yourself when to shop or what to order or if you can arrange delivery.

He left to punish you. He didn’t expect that you would be happy him being gone.

Yeah - he's shocked I'm not thankful he's back. He actually said "I can't fucking believe you. I didn't expect you to apologise cos you're too proud. But I thought you'd at least be relieved"

I said "you're still angry, still just kicking off and not listening or talking calmly"

He said he doesn't want to "fucking look at me a moment longer". He's playing video games now. So I've got myself a wine, got the dog on the sofa with me, and watching telly. I've got 3 emails to solicitors sent and just staying calm and cracking on. Made up the spare bed.

I don't think he'd ever hit me but I know he's got it in him to start breaking and throwing stuff around

Lols at “But I thought you'd at least be relieved”! He has an overinflated sense of his own importance and I imagine this is a very consuming time for him. Enjoy your wine and doggy cuddles, you’re doing great.

*confusing

He really believes you wouldn't be able to cope without him. The delusion is strong with him. Add that to the list I suggested above - because you are the good parent here, you are the one who copes, he is the loser who runs away when it gets mildly tough.

Horrible or not, you were reacting to him being useless. Frankly, you were more restrained than I would have been. And in my personal experience parenting is much, much easier on your own than saddled with a useless partner.

Well done OP. Enjoy your wine, dog cuddles and hold onto the thought tomorrow is a fresh day but with plans. Good luck with the solicitors!

Yeah @Mumsanetta @pointythings - I think he thinks I wouldn't dare "break up the family". He's talks about broken families a lot. He's very into the family unit - the idea of family - talks about being the 'family man' a lot. He really does believe he's the good guy in all this. It's going to be such a painful awful time because he doesn't have a bit in him that might imagine for a second that his moods, his silence treatments, his anger is unfair or not acceptable - he thinks all his behaviour is reasonable reaction to me and DS being the way we are.

The food shop today felt so bloody good.

He said to himself before he went to play video games "you think I am just going to give this all up because you say so. you've got no idea"

I feel scared because he can't stop himself doing it in front of the kids.

All my boyfriends before him were horrible to me. My dad was horrible to me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong in my life that all men are so horrible to me. I don't have hardly any male straight friends - they always try to shag me or shout at me.

Sorry i'm ranting on now. Probably best to get to bed soon and not have another wine!