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Original poster

CF and the City

415 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 27/01/2023 14:54

I live in NYC.

A couple of months ago, an old friend got in touch with me for the first time in about a year and expressed that she wanted to come to the US on holiday. I said cool, I'll give you my recommendations for NYC.

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

Needless to say, she never even asked. I'm quite breathtaken by the cheek. Last time I saw this girl was 6 years ago, when she....invited herself to stay (different city).

I'm not down to save this girl $2,000 in hotel and convenience bills. But how should I phrase my reply? Hold me back....

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 27/01/2023 16:35

AngelDelightUK · 27/01/2023 16:08

“Oh I thought you were paying for me to stay at the hotel with you seeing as I put you up last time. There’s still plenty of time to book somewhere, how about the (insert expensive hotel name)”

😂👏

ChickenMaths · 27/01/2023 16:36

I wouldn't use an excuse like not having room, she'll come back with 'oh I can just stay on the sofa/blow up bed' etc etc

DestinysGrandchild · 27/01/2023 16:36

Definitely just say it how it is. There was no conversation about her staying at yours so you don't need to apologise for anything. Say you'll meet up with her and do something, if you want to. But she sounds very rude.

Chikapu · 27/01/2023 16:36

Just a straight 'no, it's not ok for you to stay with me but as I said I can recommend some hotels' is fine. No need to say sorry or make excuses.

Catnary · 27/01/2023 16:37

Is she American? Only you mention that last time she stayed she was “driving back to her city”. If yes, it’s not like she’s some naive little foreigner who can’t sort her own life out.

in the upside, at least she has asked and not just turned up! Also, given she booked without checking dates, she must have expected there was a significant chance you’d not be able to accommodate her (though perhaps she was thinking that if you were out of town you’d still offer her your place).

SchoolTripDrama · 27/01/2023 16:37

What did you reply with in the end, @ThePriceOfSugar ?

pictoosh · 27/01/2023 16:37

Never say ‘sorry’.
”Sorry but…”
”You can’t stay here because (insert lie), sorry.”

You’re not sorry so that’s a lie too. You don’t have to apologise for not wanting a houseguest you didn’t invite for a week. As soon as you say sorry, your implication is that you have something to be sorry for. It puts you straight on the back foot.
As for making up lies, big or small…just embarrassing and so transparent. You’re going to cause more offence bullshitting people than you would just saying no.

Grow up people.

Crunchymum · 27/01/2023 16:37

I can't think of a more polite way to say this but surely if you have the gumption to relocate to NYC, you are more than capable of telling your friend she cannot stay with you?

EmmaEmerald · 27/01/2023 16:40

ThePriceOfSugar · 27/01/2023 15:25

@minou123 this factor is what brought me to MN for an answer... She's a nice girl and always remembers to text me on my birthday, but other than that we have no interaction. I don't think I'd suffer from burning this bridge.

Dripfeed: last time she invited herself, she passively expected me to cook vegan dinners for her (I was not vegan) for 5 nights. I took her out with my friends and she ended up sleeping with my best friend (which I guess is fine, but it felt rude), which resulted in her drunkenly losing her driver's license and requiring a trip to my pharmacy for Plan B the next day when she found her way back to my place. She was driving back to her town so I spent ages on the phone with the local authority about getting her a new license in case she decided to extend her stay...

I was much younger then but now I am a hardass and am amazed that she tried this again after last time.

My flabber is ghasted. I'm amazed you didn't block her after all that.

I can't wait to hear what you say.

Meanwhile, give my regards to the Frick Collection (is it closed for refurb though, have lost the plot on my gallery followings).

SunshineAndFizz · 27/01/2023 16:45

Here for the outcome, love a live CF thread 😂

RampantIvy · 27/01/2023 16:47

"Let me know where you are staying, and we can meet up"

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/01/2023 16:48

faultythighs · 27/01/2023 15:02

Sorry, unfortunately my place isn't suitable to accommodate guests but I can recommend good hotels for you to stay.

This

MokaEfti · 27/01/2023 16:51

"Fuck off freeloader"

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 27/01/2023 16:54

Here for the live CF updates and subsequent pleas from the CFer

I second the crisp emotionaless unambiguous suggestion from @theemmadilemma
Beautifully crafted

Tell us when it's sent please.

Rheia1983 · 27/01/2023 16:55

I vote for @theemmadilemma's suggestion

minou123 · 27/01/2023 16:56

Fraine · 27/01/2023 16:03

How is that any different to @theemmadilemma 's message? 😁

OP, do let us know her response!

Show quote history

I removed the 'unfortunately'

I freely admit to using theemmadilemma excellent work, removing a word, then claiming credit 😂
I missed my calling in middle management 😁

theemmadilemma · 27/01/2023 16:57

My middle management style is showing!!! 😂

minou123 · 27/01/2023 17:02

theemmadilemma · 27/01/2023 16:57

My middle management style is showing!!! 😂

Oh no, I wasn't accusing you of it.

I fully accept I'm trying to claim credit for your work. 🤗

Sorry to all middle management out there.

theemmadilemma · 27/01/2023 17:03

Nooooo, I am middle management. That's why I found it hilarious! 👏🏼🤣

Pirrin · 27/01/2023 17:05

You didnt discuss staying with you so feign ignorance and assume it wasnt for you.

"Oops think you messaged fhe wrong person there. Great to see the dates you'll be here though, would be lovely to meet for dinner/drinks if it fits with your schedule. Which part of town is the friend you're possibly staying with?"

minou123 · 27/01/2023 17:10

theemmadilemma · 27/01/2023 17:03

Nooooo, I am middle management. That's why I found it hilarious! 👏🏼🤣

Oh shit, I'm so sorry.🙈

I love middle management really.

<slowly backs away in case I cause any more bother>

OurChristmasMiracle · 27/01/2023 17:19

“You staying with me was never discussed and if it was discussed I would have told you that it is not convenient/possible for you to stay”

HardStareBear · 27/01/2023 17:24

I would go with something like "I'm afraid that you misunderstood me. I can offer recommendations for accomodation, not accomodation itself. Let me know if you'd like to meet up when you're here, it'd be lovely to see you."

lieselotte · 27/01/2023 17:25

pictoosh · 27/01/2023 16:14

Probably best to be honest.

Ah to be a fly in your ointment, we hadn’t discussed you staying with me. I’m not available for hosting I’m afraid. I can help with recommendations for accommodation like we chatted about before. Let me know. Xx

I think something like this is fine.

Schnooze · 27/01/2023 17:26

“I don’t remember saying it was ok in the first place. I’m afraid I can’t offer accommodation, only recommendations like I said.”