CF and the City

[ThePriceOfSugar]

I live in NYC.

A couple of months ago, an old friend got in touch with me for the first time in about a year and expressed that she wanted to come to the US on holiday. I said cool, I'll give you my recommendations for NYC.

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

Needless to say, she never even asked. I'm quite breathtaken by the cheek. Last time I saw this girl was 6 years ago, when she....invited herself to stay (different city).

I'm not down to save this girl $2,000 in hotel and convenience bills. But how should I phrase my reply? Hold me back....

Is it only me that not only thinks that the CF assumes she can rock up and stay but that she probably has a +1 that she is on the road trip with.

”Hey new BF, I have a great friend in NYC, we can stay there for ten days then go on to New Orleans”

Some are tiny, some are huge, the ones near a certain part of Central Park often have the entire floor of an apartment (big) with one or more en-suite bathrooms with either a bath or shower. The living/dining room areas were immense! They had at least 3 bedrooms too. I’ve stayed with a friend of a friend and his family when young there (they offered) and a family friend (native New Yorker) has a huge apartment spread over 2 floors I think, near Central Park (Upper East Side) which they’ve offered to us to either stay in when they’re in The Hamptons etc or are happy to host us there when they’re there!

OP - I’d definitely use some New York attitude in your email but this does tend to come across best in person (and is hilarious to witness too, one of my best friends is a Brooklyn/Queens girl from Forest Hills).

And yes she’s being very cheeky especially after you referred her to air b n bs/hotels in the first email!

I don't really see why this is even a thread - just say: sorry, those dates are going to be a problem.

“New phone, who dis?”

There was a similar thread on here last year

Yeh, I think that was in the UK and the CF turned up at the OP's door late one evening, suitcase in hand, expecting to be hosted. The OP hid and didn't answer the door! So, to the question asked before... has this friend got your address OP and would she be likely to force your arm by just showing up at your door? Just how pushy and inappropriate is she?

Wow! Unbelievable 😫

Maybe, “Hey! I think you must have got the wrong end of the stick because I definitely didn’t say you could stay at my place?! Not possible I’m afraid. You could try my friend [….] seem to remember you guys hit it off last time you came to visit?”

If you really don't see why this even a thread then you don't know MN very well, this is exactly what MN is!

"I don't think so' should probably do the job.

Or you could of course thank her profusely as you've been so excited about getting guests now that you are an air B n B. Whats the going rate for in NYC? $800 a night? Tell her you accept pay pal or transfer but absolutely must be paid in advance.

CF.

Because live CF threads are fun!

Oh you sweet, sweet child. Get out now while you can 😆

Didn't OP say that CF's last visit was when OP lived in a different town? So the friend from last time probably doesn't live nearby, and if the last incident occurred in the UK, then CF is unlikely to be American.

(Also waiting with interest to see what OP replies to CF and how CF responds...🍿)

In the end I just said:

So - I didn't realize when you said you'd like to visit NYC that you assumed I would host you. I don't offer accom, but i can definitely recommend stuff to see and do and would love to catch up for a drink while you're here!

😇 keeping it civil.

She's in NZ so will be waking up to this soon.

Oh dear. There are some good responses on here though. Definitely point out that offering accommodation was not discussed, only recommendations.

Perfectly civil, well done OP 😇
Keep us updated on any response 🤪

I'm also fairly certain that she has planned her vacation finances around staying with me for free

Tough

The message you sent was fine, but be prepared for guilt trips and passive aggressiveness which you can safely ignore - especially since you said you'd lose little if she broke all contact

Just thinking this through, you haven’t described your home setup but I imagine that if she were someone you genuinely liked and were close to, you might not mind squeezing into your place together and enjoying each other’s company. The fact that you clearly don’t like the idea of having this person in your home suggests that now may be the perfect time/excuse just to knock the friendship on the head altogether. Do you even want to meet up with her, really?

Mumsnet's entire business model depends on women who don't say what they mean, have terrible taste in relationships, dubious competence with contraception, who live to please others. 🤣 Those of us who are imperfectly socialised and/or menopausal can serve the public good by stating the bloody obvious. 😇😉

“Hi there, we never discussed you staying with me, and it doesn’t work for me/ us I’m afraid. Let me know when’s good for you to meet up for a drink (or whatever) whilst you’re here.”

If the recommendations you sent were for hotels/ air bnb say that too.

Yes, tough. She’s a proper CF

That's a good reply.
Keeping it very civil

And you're not making any excuses, makes it more difficult for her to work her way in

Good reply there’s no wiggle room for her to try and “solve” imaginary reasons why you can’t host her.

I'd have been inclined to reply 'Sounds like a great trip. I can't wait to see your pictures from New Orleans!' thus treating the NYC part of the discussion as invisible. But your actual response was excellent.

😂

Chicken 🐔 😁

Only kidding, it's a good message Sensible and keeping it civil is the right thing to do.