CF and the City

[ThePriceOfSugar]

I live in NYC.

A couple of months ago, an old friend got in touch with me for the first time in about a year and expressed that she wanted to come to the US on holiday. I said cool, I'll give you my recommendations for NYC.

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

Needless to say, she never even asked. I'm quite breathtaken by the cheek. Last time I saw this girl was 6 years ago, when she....invited herself to stay (different city).

I'm not down to save this girl $2,000 in hotel and convenience bills. But how should I phrase my reply? Hold me back....

I don’t think you have to be as blunt as some of these suggestions if you generally like her!

“Hey, we didn’t discuss you staying with me before and I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I’m free Friday if you want to grab dinner though?”

“Oh I thought you were paying for me to stay at the hotel with you seeing as I put you up last time. There’s still plenty of time to book somewhere, how about the (insert expensive hotel name)”

Another vote for this one. It's really lighthearted, but makes it clear she won't be staying and that you haven't forgotten the previous fiasco.

You could play ignorant as if she is contacting you to let you know that after the last time she is staying in a hotel and paying for you to join her for a day or two, so a mini vacation for you in your own city.
Say "Oh that's so nice of you to treat me to stay in a hotel while you're over here. I never think to vacation in NY. Which hotel are you staying in so that I can contact the concierge?"

Following to see your reply O.P to C.F!

Probably best to be honest.

Ah to be a fly in your ointment, we hadn’t discussed you staying with me. I’m not available for hosting I’m afraid. I can help with recommendations for accommodation like we chatted about before. Let me know. Xx

Just go with a polite no, so there’s no wiggle room. “No, you never asked me if you could stay, that won’t be possible. Xxxxxx hotel is nice, but you would have to reserve quick :)”

Then wait to see if she ever contacts you again.

I'd reply on a straight forward war

"Hi, no I didn't offer my home, but I can tell you nice areas for you to book a hotel or Air b&b in. And recommend places for you to sight see!
Let me know if you'd like to meet up at a bar of restaurant one night. Cheers, ThePrice"

Way
😬War 😬

"Fit ye havering aboot? You didn't ask if you could stay with me, and I certainly didn't invite you to. Best of luck finding a hotel reservation at such short notice. Hope you have a fabulous time in NYC!"

Don't mess around - she has form.

@Fancylike … I agree. Our responses aren’t pithy or funny but they are polite, neutral and clear. No one can say they are unreasonable or ambiguous.

I really like this one, but would take out the 'I haven't really got room for you anyway'. Do let us know what you send 😁

I stayed in a youth hostel the first time I went to nyc. Recommend it! ( I was in my early 30s)

Gosh, I'm beginning to think that you see me as a free holiday destination! After last time, I'm going to have to decline that. 😱
I can recommend ShitHotel, though.
Give me a shout if you fancy a night out!

Do you think she persists with the yearly birthday messages to keep you sweet so she can use you as a free hotel, OP?

There was a similar thread on here last year where someone's friend did similar. They hid in the house and ignored their calls until the CF had gone away.

That was in their home country though, so I don't think I could do it if someone's travelled all the way to NYC, so I'd have to say something.

Honestly, a "You seem to have misunderstood. I was offering recommendations on what to do/where to stay in NYC, not offering to put you up. I don't have the space or time to do so. Maybe meet up for a drink on XXXday evening though?"

New York apartments are famous for being miniscule and horrendously expensive, all at the same time.

Even if yours is a decent size, can't you reply 'oh no! Misunderstanding. My home is teeny tiny, no room to swing a mouse even. Here's a list of Airbnb. '

Don't lie. Don't apologise.
I don't know why people always suggest that.
Just say she can't stay, it's not convenient.

"I've just re-read your earlier message and we didn't talk about you staying with me. I'm afraid that's not possible but I'm still happy to give you some recommendations and meet up with you for dinner/drinks while you're here".

@Bluetrews25 ShitHotel 😂 really made me laugh.

Kind of tempted to recommend her my ex's airbnb. "It's a lovely apartment in the center of lower Manhattan. And only $350 a night, it's a steal"

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

"What do you mean - "still"?"

And ... fade out.

When she follows up for her freebie to make sure she takes you out on the town to thank you for your hospitality last time - surely that's what the laugh/cry emoji was built for?

"No, it's not "still okay" - you staying with me was never discussed and, after last time, seriously? Here's the list of recommendations again. Let me know if you want to meet some evening for a drink. If I don't see you, enjoy the trip."

This with bells on.

Why do people lie and apologise? The truth is reasonable and sufficient.

I'd message back,
Hi, You must have me mixed up with someone else, because I didn't offer you a place to stay? Do you still want a list of reccomendations? Let me know.

Say
’last time you were so chaotic that my best friend has asked me to not let you stay. Have a wicked time though’

Were you ever close OP? I have friends that I don’t see or speak to often but we would happily put each other up - we pick up where we left off. We were so close that time doesn’t change that. If so, it might be a shame to burn bridges, and better to be polite but clear. If not, and it’s never been a close friendship and she is just a CF then go for it!!!