WIBU to have asked for a favour?

[NothingOnTopButABucketAndAMop]

My car failed it’s MOT on Tuesday, I could not afford the repairs so it’s off the road basically.
I don’t go many places anyway but I did need shopping so I messaged a friend telling her my car was off the road and could she take us shopping sometime this weekend.
Initially she said she would then a few hours later (when her husband got home if that means anything!) she messaged back saying actually she had too much on. It would have taken her an hour and a half max.
Now I’m thinking WIBU to have even asked at all??!

Okay. Op has said she doesn’t want to pay the delivery charge. £5 doesn’t sound much to most of us. We don’t know her finances.

We also don’t know about how she’s feeling, her MH etc. Perhaps the car failing it’s MOT and the looming costs have really thrown her. Perhaps she doesn’t cope well. Some people in life need favours or ask for favours from friends, that seem intrusive or too large and unreasonable to many of us.

However, it’s all about context isn’t it.

We don’t know the exact context. I suspect that all is not rosy if OP is asking her friend to do this driving and take this time, rather than get a delivery. There’s probably more going on than just wanting to get a load of shopping.

I’d also suggest that many in this thread seem very harsh and to struggle with the concept of putting yourself out for someone. Of course, it’s totally fine that the friend said she couldn’t take OP shopping. Someone doesn’t have to give a favour and often there can be good reasons not to and it’s fine to say ‘no’. But equally, it’s fine and good to say ‘yes’ too - even if OP could have spent £5 on delivery. Even if it will cost money and take up valuable time. Being a bit self-sacrificing is what lots of people do for their friends when they seem in need, and even for people they don’t really know. Perhaps that’s an alien concept to some people.

The thing is, someone doesn’t have to be desperate and have zero alternative options for someone to ask for help, and those asked should feel they can consider saying yes, and that they’re not being taken huge advantage of, by saying yes, to anything which is less than a desperate plea. It’s a mindset - to either be generous or stingy in our willingness to help others.

Again, it’s fine that the friend said no. But if she had said yes and incurred the cost of petroleum and loss of a couple of hours, that wouldn’t have made her a mug, or OP a CF for asking.

Most of us wouldn’t have responded to the situation by asking the friend to give the lift. Most of us would have organised a delivery or got a taxi or gone to a local shop. The fact OP didn’t do these things, possibly tells us something about her situation not being quite usual and her needing more support than might be initially obvious. I think it’s hard for people to imagine that too, or to not have a reaction of shying away from it, or thinking it’s simply an outrageous ask.

It’s not unreasonable that you asked but it IS unreasonable if you’re pissed that she’s changed her mind.

So you werent actually going to offer her anything for taking 3 hours out of her day? no petrol money?

Dude.

You were not unreasonable to ask. you WERE unreasonable to think its a small favour and that you were not going to offer her anything for it.

Get over yourself.

I chose the cheapest slots when I was without car for 6 weeks. Not sure about other shops, but evening delivery in Asda was 1.50-2 quid. Much cheaper than car fuel.

I have a friend without a car who occasionally asks if she can come to the supermarket with us but she lives less than half a mile away and only comes if we were going shopping anyway.

The idea I'd take the time out to drive to someone's house, drive them to the shops, wait while they shop, then take them home, is absolutely hilarious. I'd do anything for friends, etc but if they proved themselves incapable of doing their shopping I'd worry what had gone wrong for them.

So you didn't want to pay £5 for delivery so you thought you'd get your friend to spend her money on petrol and her time on chauffeuring you around instead?

The levels of entitlement in this world never fail to amaze me.

£5 doesn’t sound much to most of us. We don’t know her finances.

I agree with that totally, but to be honest we don't know the friend's either. A total of 90 minutes driving is extra petrol that perhaps the friend has realised she can't afford either. (As well as the time, and waiting while the OP shops).

She's not exactly local is she?!
It's a big ask I think
If you're only 15 minutes away, get a bus or Taxi
The obvious answer is order online
I'd look at these before I even asked
However I don't drive and have a disability

I drove someone home from Tesco on boxing day. I heard them on the taxi phone saying "45 minutes?" So it sounded like theyd been told they had to wait 45 minutes for a taxi. I asked if they wanted a lift, they said and off we went. Very bad snow so quite a bad drive!

Didnt even give it a second thought. If another mum from school messaged and asked if I could get them some shopping or take them, I would do it and they would and have done it for me.

That's nice of you. It doesn't mean other people are remotely unreasonable for not wanting to do likewise, though.

That’s two hours. The thought of spending one hour doing my own shopping is usually too much to bear, and I generally do an online shop even if I had good intentions about going to Aldi.

I actually would prefer to pay for your taxi.

But there are also risks of giving a lift to a total stranger…

“£5 doesn’t sound much to most of us.”

Ops car is off the road. She therefore won’t be spending any money or petrol in the near future. Therefore this money can go towards the online delivery cost.

Yeah, that pensioner and his disabled wife looked really dodgy...

There is no need to live your life in fear of being murdered.

So you don't want to pay £5 to get the shopping delivered but expect your friend to pay that in petrol to do you a favour? Surely you can see that's not on.

I suspect she said yes because you put her on the spot/ she felt bad saying no.

Try different online stores, some offer much cheaper delivery than £5.

I presume op has now realised that they're unreasonable for asking their friend to drive for 1.5 hours probably costing £10 in petrol, to avoid paying a £5 delivery fee themselves.

You see I would do this too. But it’s the way she worded it. She doesn’t really need the help, she wants to save £5. But it’s going to cost her friend much more than that. Personally I would go out of my way, bring my friend and refuse petrol money, but if I thought they were doing it to save themselves money at my expense (without acknowledging this and why) then I would be pretty insulted.
She has also said she has took the car off the road, how long for? Is this going to be a continuous expectation?

And that took you an hour and a half out of your way?

I’ve dropped people home from various places when it’s a ten or 15 minute detour but I must admit I have not done so when it’s required an additional ninety minutes of driving.

I’m impressed so many have taken that sort of time, not when someone is stranded but when they don’t want to pay five pounds (and so the driver will be paying the additional cost instead). Particularly impressive that there’s an entire town with the free time to do that, again not because someone is stranded, but to save someone five pounds.

How do you justify not wanting to pay £5 delivery, when you expected your friend to fund the fuel for 1.5 hrs of driving? Also is this an expected reoccurring favour, until you get your car back?

When we had no car for a while my friend took me shopping every week for ages. Mostly because she was appalled my comfortably off, retired parents charged me petrol for the 4 mile round trip. I was pretty skint at the time and this was before internet and petrol was cheap.
YANU to ask but your friend WNU to say no.

But this isnt a random stranger. Driving 20 minutes to have a coffee with a friend is totally normally. Combine the visit and natter with a trip to the shops and what is the problem?

If I can post on fb on my town's page and say "could anyone help with x" and someone will say yes, then I should certainly expect a friend to have a visit and take me to the shops.

But this isnt a random stranger. Driving 20 minutes to have a coffee with a friend is totally normally. Combine the visit and natter with a trip to the shops and what is the problem?

This is a trip to the supermarket. Driving "20 minutes" (was longer, earlier in the thread) to OP's house. Park. Get OP in the car. Drive another "15 minutes" to the supermarket. Find a park. Hang around for "half an hour" (probably more) while OP does her shop. Get trolley to car, return trolley. Drive back to OP's and help her unload. Drive home. That's a very large chunk of Saturday gone.

The fact OP thought this was reasonable to ask of someone, just to save herself the £5 for delivery... That she then complained when the woman's husband clealry objected and inserted a spine in her and she said she couldn't after all. It was clearly not a fun or friendly outing for the other party; and given the OP's attitude, this other woman may have been at the receiving end of other entitled expectations from the OP for all we know.

I voted YANBUbut that was before the update saying she loved half an hour away. I thought she was round the corner! Massively cheeky to ask, why not do an online shop?

Do you often have this kind of request or difficulty? I have a friend who often gets into minor scrapes, car breaks down etc which