WIBU to have asked for a favour?

[NothingOnTopButABucketAndAMop]

My car failed it’s MOT on Tuesday, I could not afford the repairs so it’s off the road basically.
I don’t go many places anyway but I did need shopping so I messaged a friend telling her my car was off the road and could she take us shopping sometime this weekend.
Initially she said she would then a few hours later (when her husband got home if that means anything!) she messaged back saying actually she had too much on. It would have taken her an hour and a half max.
Now I’m thinking WIBU to have even asked at all??!

I would help a friend if I could, but I do think sometimes you have to think about the balance of the inconvenience. An hour and a half out of a weekend is quite inconvenient, when she might already have a lot to do.... whereas the inconvenience for you of either doing an online shop, getting a taxi, or doing a more local shop is much smaller. It feels a bit like you are asking her to inconvenience herself quite significantly, so you don't have to inconvenience yourself at all.

It’s not an hour and a half max though that’s just travel she would have to wait for you to do your food shop. That’s also quite a lot of mileage did you offer petrol money?

I don’t think I’d ask someone to driven me 45minutes out of their way and back for groceries I’d do online

If your car failed on Tuesday you could have arranged an online shop already by now and have had it delivered.

It's fine to ask but it's hardly a quick favour for her so I'm not surprised that upon reflection she said no.

Is there more to this? Because no, I wouldn't ask a friend to make a special trip on the weekend to take me shopping. Not when busses and online shopping and other options exist.

The way you posted, that's what it sounds like - you expected her to put herself out for something you could have managed and you didn't sound particularly grateful.

This is starting to read like a reverse.

What’s wrong with an internet shop?

Even so that's still a huge ask! By the time you've unpacked and she's had a cuppa that's 3-4 hours of her day gone. YABU massively.

Why can't you do an online delivery or get a taxi?

Jeez. She lives half an hour away? 90mins of driving for her in total!

That was bloody cheeky of you.

YABU. That's a lot of her time taken up when you could simply get a bus/taxi or use online delivery. I would also have said no. Some might say a good friend would do it, I'd say a good friend wouldn't ask .

Fine to ask, fine for her to say no.

Could you get a bus there and just have her pick you up when you're done?

I would do an online shop tbh.

What would you do next week?

It's fair enough to ask fair enough for her to say no

My friend’s washing machine broke so she asked if she could use mine. I told her just to drop the washing off and I’d stick it all in with ours. She could have gone to the launderette but she’s my friend. 🤷‍♀️
Give and take. I might need a favour at some point. But that’s the relationship we have.

it would take her half an hour to get to my house then maybe 15 minutes to get to Tesco from here.

that's a big ask, tbh. I guess you're suggesting she changed her mind after telling her DH? He probably pointed out that's an hour and a half for her, without the actual shopping.

Bus? taxi? bus there taxi back? (that's what i did pre-car sometimes)

So it wouldn’t take an hour and a half max, it would have taken an hour and a half minimum! I am astonished you thought this was ok, really cheeky.

It was fine to ask. It was also fine for her to say no.
I live 10 mins away from my friend then a half an hour drive to asda. She takes ages in asda, her quick shop and my quick shop are 2 completely different things 😂
Then half an hour to her house plus 5 mins unloading then 10 mins back to mine.
Its easily a 3 hour job, and probably £8 in fuel. I don't say yes very often and I love my friend, but she is very capable of doing an online shop.

I wouldn't make a 90 minute round trip just to take someone to the supermarket. That's longer than you say you actually spend shopping!
I would very much wonder why you hadn't asked someone more local/got the bus/cycled/got a taxi/ordered online. If you'd explored all those options and were desperate, I would probably prefer to get the food for you and drop it round!

Reverse?

Just noticed the half an hour thing, yes yabu. You didn't factor that into your timings did you!

45 mins driving each way is an hour and a half alone. A next door neighbour or similar would be a less unreasonable request

Sorry op your being a bit cheeky 30mins to yours is an hour round trip plus the time your actual shopping. That's a chunk out of her day.

If she's 30mins away then there is bound to be a tesco closer to her so it's not like you can even say pick me up enroute.

Do an online shop and don't piss your friend off.

Total CF behaviour. If she lived round the corner from you, then not so much, but 30 mins to even get to your house first?? No, book an online shop like everyone else would do 😳

I suspect a reverse. Are you wanting to know if your friend was cheeky to ask?

If not, it depends on the relationship. In some friendships this is perfectly normal. But it’s also ok to say no.

I wouldn’t ask someone to do an hour and a half of driving to take me to the supermarket. And half an hour max to do your weekly shop? Even if it was half an hour, you are looking at 2 hours, minimum, for her. When there’s other options available to you.

That’s a big ask with the distances involved and takes a fair amount of her weekend. I’m not sure how it would take ‘an hour and a half max’ out of her weekend if the supermarket is 45 minutes away from her house. I wouldn’t read too much into the fact her husband just got home either. Maybe she said yes out of a sense of obligation and immediately regretted it and spent that time trying to figure out if it was ok to decline after accepting and how to word it. Or maybe she used her husband as a sounding board. Maybe she’d posted online for advice too!

If your car is off the road permanently, then you need to figure out how to get groceries without needing a lift every week, as a friend might take you to the shop for one week, but very few are going to take you every week indefinitely.

I would have said fine to ask and fine for the response to be no but it was on the assumption she was close. 30 min drive away YABU

Is this a reverse?

Ok I’ll accept I was being unreasonable to have asked