WIBU to have asked for a favour?

[NothingOnTopButABucketAndAMop]

My car failed it’s MOT on Tuesday, I could not afford the repairs so it’s off the road basically.
I don’t go many places anyway but I did need shopping so I messaged a friend telling her my car was off the road and could she take us shopping sometime this weekend.
Initially she said she would then a few hours later (when her husband got home if that means anything!) she messaged back saying actually she had too much on. It would have taken her an hour and a half max.
Now I’m thinking WIBU to have even asked at all??!

Personally, I'd assume the husband reminded her of plans that she'd forgotten, rather than anything else.

No that's not just a small one off favour. That's a big ask and it will be the same next week.

People who don't have cars either get bus to shops and taxi home or get deliveries. Even the Op driving her own car to the shops wouldn't have been 'free' she'd still have needed the fuel.

Delivery would add at least £5 to my shopping which I can’t really afford so you weren’t planning on giving your friend petrol money?? Basically you think your friend should spend 3h+ helping you and be out of pocket on petrol just so you don’t have to spend £5..

People forget that the ‘obvious’ solutions aren’t available to everyone.

Not everyone can get an internet delivery shop….might not have a bank card, or bank account. Might shop with cash only. Might not be able to use internet.

Most people would easily find a solution to this, but some would struggle. If OP couldn’t afford MOT she might have serious financial struggles. We don’t really know.

People are different about favours and friends. Some do live in communities where people ask and give help and it’s totally normal to out yourself out. Others wouldn’t piss on someone burning to death in the gutter.

Often someone only asks an extreme favour or to really out someone out if they don’t have many other options. That’s worth considering in responses.

Online shopping is what you should be doing, it's not £5 for delivery it can be as low as £1.50 depending on when you get it delivered.

Or you can do click and collect and take a taxi.

You mentioned you can't afford an extra fiver on your weekly shop but you're asking a friend to drive 20 mins to you, 15 mins to the shop, wait with you while you shop, then 35 mons more driving......you really don't value your friends time do you?

Ignoring the coat of fuel, the cost of their time is worth significantly more than £5.

If I was truly broke and couldn't afford the delivery charge it would make more sense to ask your friend to give you the price of the delivery (I'd much rather give someone the cost of deliver than waste 2 hours of my weekend taking them shopping)!

It's lift. it is a couple hours out of your life max. Who cares?

I would absolutely offer people a lift, especially my friends and family.

What I wouldn’t do is drop everything to give them a lift when they have plenty of other alternatives.

If I was OP’s friend the earliest I have a couple hours spare is on Wednesday and I’d be annoyed if my friend got annoyed with me for not being available any sooner.

You think your friend should give up minimum 2 hours of her Saturday and spend £5 of her own money putting petrol in the car to save you a £5 delivery charge on an online shop. And you’re asking us whether you’re being unreasonable?

It's a big and frankly pretty unreasonable ask, I agree

it is a couple hours out of your life max. Who cares?

If no-one cares then yes sure you can do that. My family, that I mostly get to spend time with on weekends, would care that I wanted to take 2-3 hours to drive someone around to save them a fiver.

OP has said that she is able to get the shopping delivered, so no, no-one’s forgetting this.

Well, the OP has posted on MN, so they clearly know how to use the internet. And given they have a car (knackered, but still a car!), it's not a huge stretch to assume they have a bank account.

I don't drive, but I'm acutely aware of how expensive petrol is. I would only ask a friend for a lift if I had no other option (unlikely, I live in an area with lots of taxi options) and I'd reimburse whatever petrol money they worked it out as, or buy them a present if they wouldn't take any cash off me.

The cost for the OP's friend to drive her around is not free, before even considering her time.

Something I would say though, is even if the shop is £5 to do online - the OP should be able to make that back. I do my shopping online, and it allows me to compare the best deals and calculate which size is actually cheaper (they don't make it easy for you in person). I also shop with Tesco, and allow substitutes, so I often get things with a higher value than what I paid for. Online groceries are great.

Except we know none of this applies because the only reason OP has given for not going for an online shop is her mistaken belief that it attracts a £5 delivery charge.

You're having a laugh surely. Use the savings from not running your car towards the delivery fee, or walk.

@FatAgainItsLettuceTime

LOL at your username. I’ve been thinking the same. 😆

Nonsense, if you see flexible with slots it will cost £1 maximum. It would cost your friend much more than that in petrol and it's disgraceful you thought she should pay for the petrol to drive you around.

If she was your neighbour and going anyway, you might ask to get a lift. Anything else and you're being unreasonable.

You can't afford the £5 delivery charge but expect your friend to find the fuel money for a 40 minute round trip from hers to you, to Tesco then to yours to drop you home, then back to hers? YABU

I’m glad your friend came to her senses and said put an end to this cheeky request.

I'd happily take a neighbour or a friend that lived close by shopping (and do my own at the same time).

I'd happily pick up a school mum's child from school if they were running late or had an appointment (even if I barely know them).

If someone had something more serious like a hospital appointment and needed transport, I'd help, even if I barely knew them.

I wouldn't drive 45 minutes (each way) to help a close friend with their shopping unless they were really stuck and had exhausted all other options.
I certainly wouldn't do it for someone I barely knew.

45 minutes drive takes me from the far end of the town and back again and leaves time left over. I struggle to believe that people in your town are regularly doing this for strangers ...

SO many questions -

1. How much would the petrol money have been? more than a fiver surely? How would you have paid that?
2. What would happen next week?
3. What would happen the week after next week?
4. And the week after? And after?
5. You really asked someone who lives 20 minutes drive away to come and take you to Tescos and back? The cheek.

On MN the rule is that all favours are unacceptable, no one helps each other out. On MN anyone supporting others is a mug, anyone getting a favour is a CF. So, yes, on MN you are a massive CF for even having asked.

In real life then only you know whether it was the kind of thing you do for each other, or not. The fact that you asked and she said no (via a yes, but she was able to say no) suggests you have an honest relationship where these things are normal. In that case, you are not wrong to ask, but she wasn’t wrong to decide it wasn’t possible for her.

Given that the OP has never driven to the friend’s house I’m going with no, it’s not the sort of thing that they do for each other.

I’m thinking that it’s more likely that the OP is always asking for favours and rarely returns them.

The op has said that she can do an online shop, so people have considered that in their replies. She just doesn't want to spend money on the delivery charge.

Huh. Petrol isn't free too, I'm wondering if she considered this factor she'd have to reimburse friend for this.

90 minute round trip, not including the actual shopping time.

So you can save a few quid on delivery/taxi.

You're taking the piss.

I don't drive so catch the bus to do my shopping . If I know I'll have to much to carry to the bus stop then I either get a taxi home or do an online shop and pick a cheap slot .

Isn't that what most non drivers do ?