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AIBU?

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Original poster

I need advice please - what the fuck do I do about this?

236 replies

forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 20:42

I received a message on FB messenger from a 16 year old boy who claims to be a friend of my DD (also 16). They live in opposite ends of the country and have never met but have been messaging and FaceTiming and according to DD became "friends" over FaceTime.

He has messaged me directly saying "do you know what bad things your daughter has been doing?"

I asked him what and he alleges that she had accused an ex boyfriend of "trying to rape her". This sounds not remotely like my daughter at all, so I spoke to her straight away and she was tearful saying "he's pissed off with me because I didn't message him all day, he's trying to get me in trouble". Apparently he has messaged her ex boyfriend to tell him that my DD has falsely accused him of trying to rape her. My DD looked me in the face and swore to me on her baby sister's life that she has done nothing of the sort and he is just trying to stir up trouble for her because she didn't message him today and they had an argument about this. I believe her.

This kid is however continuing to message me things like "so what are you going to do about it then?" etc.

How the fuck do I handle this? I mean obviously I could just block him but I am SO angry that he is invented this story about my daughter.

OP posts:
Spring007 · 26/01/2023 22:47

Hi I have a daughter who I feel is eating too much. Any ideas on what I should do to help her eat a more reasonable amount of food?

Tomeeornottomee · 26/01/2023 22:49

I would gently, but firmly, insist that your DD shows you all the messages between her and this boy. Explain that the only way to properly help her is if you have the full picture of what has been said between them. Explain that this may have to become a police matter if the harassment continues.
I know you're probably hoping the little shit (if he IS 16) will just disappear but the likelihood is that he's getting some sort if kick out if causing your DD distress.
Give her a bug hug and let her know that whatever the texts contain, you have her best interests at heart. Good luck.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 22:49

DragonsFurry · 26/01/2023 21:47

On a side note, I have drummed into my DC that people they’ve never met before and don’t know in real life are not actually real friends - you can’t really know someone without meeting them.

It's infuriating because I had this exact conversation with her a couple weeks back when I discovered she was FaceTiming him and she's never met him. She was referring to him as a "friend" and I told her he's not, you know nothing about him. She says she has now learnt this lesson and understands.

OP posts:
somoslagente · 26/01/2023 22:50

forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 22:47

Lots of messages, haven't been able to read them all.

I have no idea if he's really a 16 year old boy. I've told him that he needs to stop messaging her and me and if he continues to spread malicious lies about my daughter I will be taking it further. He responded saying he's telling the truth and why would he lie. He says DD told him this via FaceTime call so no messages to prove it.

He's sent me further messages saying "do you know she also vapes"? I'm ignoring him now. I've asked him to stop messaging me and told him what I plan to do if he continues.

DD has blocked him.

go to the police please and take her devices away until you have spoken to them

Schnooze · 26/01/2023 22:53

Thank God that he’s at the other end of the country.

Onnabugeisha · 26/01/2023 22:55

I would not take her devices away. I’d just tell her don’t delete anything in case police want to copy it over. She will need her devices to get the support of her actual friends. You cannot isolate her from her support network in a stressful situation where she is a victim of cyber bullying and potential criminal blackmailing con.

Tamarindtree · 26/01/2023 22:56

Say you need to know who you are talking to and make a video call with him to check it is actually a 16 year old boy.

Itisbetter · 26/01/2023 22:59

I’d take it to the police in case he’s much worse than a 16 year old arse

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 23:00

I'm not taking any devices away from her. She says she's blocked him on every possible means of communication and I believe her.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/01/2023 23:04

Why don't you just check to make sure.
Surely that would be sensible

MGMidget · 26/01/2023 23:06

He could bet anyone, not necessarily a 16 year old. Also, I believe it is possible to hijack an account (I know someone this happened to)so it could also be a real person who has someone else sending messages from their account. As already suggested get screenshots of messages then block and pass to the police and report it to Facebook. Not sure police will be interested though. Your DD is getting to see what a nasty piece of work some men can be and will hopefully learn from this for future relationships after a good chat with you about red flags.

IWineAndDontDine · 26/01/2023 23:09

GiveUsAMinute · 26/01/2023 21:47

The accusation that "X said her ex raped her" seems to be the thing that (locally to me at least) is used by teenagers to try to turn others against X. I've heard three cases of this in the last fortnight alone.

I have no idea why it's a thing but it seems to be the latest method for stirring up trouble for the girls.

I can't add to the advice offered here already by helpful MNers but just wanted you to know that what this FB person has said isn't necessarily the truth.

Agreed. Because any teenage girl who has accused someone of rape is a viscous liar of which it couldn't possibly have happened to. I remember it from when I was that age around 10/11 years ago.

MGMidget · 26/01/2023 23:10

MGMidget · 26/01/2023 23:06

He could bet anyone, not necessarily a 16 year old. Also, I believe it is possible to hijack an account (I know someone this happened to)so it could also be a real person who has someone else sending messages from their account. As already suggested get screenshots of messages then block and pass to the police and report it to Facebook. Not sure police will be interested though. Your DD is getting to see what a nasty piece of work some men can be and will hopefully learn from this for future relationships after a good chat with you about red flags.

He could be anyone...I meant to say!

XelaM · 26/01/2023 23:14

forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 20:44

I really want to but Is he committing an offence by making up these malicious lies? Would the police do anything?

Harassment (including via text) IS a criminal offence and yes, the police will want to speak to him. If he doesn't stop they will arrest him and confiscate his phone to check it

XelaM · 26/01/2023 23:16

Screenshot all of his messages and report him to the police

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 26/01/2023 23:18

Ask him to prove it?

realmsofglory · 26/01/2023 23:20

I think it is a kid because an adult with nefarious intentions would not be involving a parent

mathanxiety · 26/01/2023 23:21

Check all of your daughter's communications with this person.

Ask her how they established contact and when. I.e. what age was she.

Has there ever been direct verbal contact?

Have they ever met in person?

This person is very likely not who your daughter thinks he is, and you need to block him immediately. Your daughter is like the target of some sort of blackmail/ is being pressured to reveal information about her private life.

Your daughter needs to do the same and change her settings to private.

The two of you need to give your heads a wobble.
You both need to educate yourselves on tbe dangers of talking to strangers. This is basic internet safety. Why doesn't your child know how to manage her online life and keep herself safe?

hellobethyname · 26/01/2023 23:24
  1. tell him to stop all co tact or you'll co tact the police
  2. this is harassment/malicious communications . Yes the police will act if you report .
  3. believe your dd . And put it to bed . Don't poke the bear if she is telling you it's not true and you believe her.
hellobethyname · 26/01/2023 23:25

Oh and screenshot the
Messages and his number . In case this carries on

Monitor who dd is talking to online .

tara66 · 26/01/2023 23:28

Why don't you tell Face Book what has happened and ask them to ban him from FB? They banned Trump you know.

Hagpie · 26/01/2023 23:34

OP I am begging you please get your daughter away from this person.

A child close to me had an online “friend” who claimed was 15/16 and similarly made up horrible accusations about her dad saying he was raping her and all sorts. They said the girl had told them this but she denied it to me. This person messaged loads of people in her life. It was his way of exerting control because she made a move to stop talking to them. They wanted to accuse all the main people in her life of doing things to her so ss would take her away and she would be even more isolated. At one point they even had social services, her school, the police and a psychologist on the pedo’s side because the child became so brainwashed and told them things the pedo said to say. They were grooming her. Wouldn’t let her go, made her send pictures of herself, lick the inside of a toilet bowl, cut themselves for their own pleasureful viewing and told her what to do every waking second through her phone.

You need to talk to your daughter and really get to the bottom of this. If I could get on my knees and beg you I would. This person is a shell even so many years on and has deep emotional issues to this day. They will never be the same but your child could be. I’m sorry if this is incoherent I am typing in a panic.

ComfortablyDazed · 26/01/2023 23:36

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 26/01/2023 23:18

Ask him to prove it?

I Hope the OP knows not to do this.

Engaging with him - feeding him - is the exact opposite of what she should do.

Nobody has the first clue who he actually is, other than it’s almost certain he’s not a 16YO boy.

Mammyloveswine · 26/01/2023 23:45

GrumpyInsomniac · 26/01/2023 20:58

Tell him there is something called the Malicious Communications Act that covers this kind of behaviour and that if he continues you will report him to the police.

Then screenshot everything you and your daughter have and make sure you both have him blocked. Be ready to follow through with the police if he continues or starts another account to get round the blocks.

This

LeCarre · 26/01/2023 23:55

Onnabugeisha · 26/01/2023 21:07

Block and report to the police NOW. He’s sending malicious communications and cyber bullying your DD.

You will need to let the police take digital copies of the messages he has sent her & you, and if you can get the messages he has sent to the ex boyfriend. This might mean handing over phones for ten minutes or so, so that they can copy over the messages as digital evidence to use against this “boy”.

He may be 18 and thus fully criminally liable.

This.

Screenshot the messages then report him to police for harassment (of you as well as your daughter), and blackmail (of your daughter trying to force her to respond by lying about her.

Then message him that slander is not legal in UK, that he is harassing yih and your daughter and has been reported to the police and you are now blocking him. Then block.

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