I need advice please - what the fuck do I do about this?

[forfuckssake23]

I received a message on FB messenger from a 16 year old boy who claims to be a friend of my DD (also 16). They live in opposite ends of the country and have never met but have been messaging and FaceTiming and according to DD became "friends" over FaceTime.

He has messaged me directly saying "do you know what bad things your daughter has been doing?"

I asked him what and he alleges that she had accused an ex boyfriend of "trying to rape her". This sounds not remotely like my daughter at all, so I spoke to her straight away and she was tearful saying "he's pissed off with me because I didn't message him all day, he's trying to get me in trouble". Apparently he has messaged her ex boyfriend to tell him that my DD has falsely accused him of trying to rape her. My DD looked me in the face and swore to me on her baby sister's life that she has done nothing of the sort and he is just trying to stir up trouble for her because she didn't message him today and they had an argument about this. I believe her.

This kid is however continuing to message me things like "so what are you going to do about it then?" etc.

How the fuck do I handle this? I mean obviously I could just block him but I am SO angry that he is invented this story about my daughter.

Maybe missing the point of the thread here but it does seem a strange ‘parenting’ style to encourage one child to swear on another one’s life 🤔 presumably the mum must be older than 15 herself.

Oooh we have another one making up their own narrative?

Where - please do quote me - have I encouraged my DD to do this?

Or perhaps you made that up? And perhaps what actually happened is that I asked my DD outright "did you say these things about ex boyfriend?" and she replied "no mum I haven't, I swear on x's life I haven't!"

In other words - she spontaneously said that, as opposed to being encouraged to.

Any other comments you'd like to make about my parenting style?

Does she know that you will be to download her conveniently deleted snap chat messages?

Maybe you should tell her before the police arrive.

Just in case.

@PontifiKaty

And yeah... I'm considerably older than 15.

🙄

Didn't sound to me like the the swearing on a child's life was because OP encouraged it in any way.

That's because it wasn't, and nothing I've said suggests it was. But people do like to invent their own narratives, which is always fascinating.

"Swear on x's life" is just a juvenile way of adding emphasis to one's position, isn't it. It's clearly immature and not something I would personally say. But my daughter is 16, so I wouldn't expect her to think or communicate like an adult.

I'd reply to him " Your threats and harassment have been handed to police with a formal complaint."

Do that. With full details of his name, address andything else she knows.

Speaking from personal experience, just blocking doesn't always work. Some individuals are seriously fucked in the head and cannot take,rejection. I had a stalker in the workplace, I wasn't interested in him, resulted in disgusting pictures, offers to be raped by him, his own mental health issue of hearing voices and taking it out on me, repeated opening of new fb accounts to contact and harass me, 200 messages a night, he was eventually sacked for harassing other members of staff, this resulted in him posting on someone's fb at work that I was sleeping with multiple men at work ( I wasnt) . I had to change 2 email addresses and a bank account and I'm still looking over my shoulder 2 years later.

It's very very easy to find out a lot about people on facebook if they don't set their security to the highest settings. This means not allowing people to tag you, show photos of you, see your friends list, post on your timeline etc.

I was looking for someone on my family tree (as a favour for another family member) and I found out a huge amount simply by clicking thru their newsfeed, photos, friends, friends of friends, etc.

I am not sure what offence has been committed here, other than a very nasty piece of work using chat for his kicks.

It seems we have an unknown male, who started to 'chat' to the DD.
He found out about her relationship with her ex. when he (unknown boy) started to get annoyed about the DD not chatting to him, he said he'd tell her ex that she was accusing him of rape.

And then he sent the same message to her Mum.

So he's not directly accusing the ex of rape, he's saying the OP's DD was spreading that rumour.

Completely agree with you.
I don't see what the police will do over some teenage boy sending stupid Facebook messages trying to stir,it happens all the time.Imagine if everyone contacted police over a malicious FB message they recieved?,especially between teenagers ,Police would be inundated!!
Just block,delete etc.
If he still continues and sets up new accounts just so he can message again,then I'd take it further if it were me,but for now I'd block and ignore and get on with your lives.

I don't see what the police can do.

It's just some daft lad (we assume) trying to get the DD into trouble with her mum.

Some boy tells the OP that her DD has said to him that her ex tried to rape her.

He did this because he was annoyed the DD was not giving him enough attention. He's not 'done' anything other than contact her mum and tell her a lie.

DD has said it's all lies.

Mum accepts this.

Both block him.

The end.

I'd not have replied to him at all. It just gives him more power and he must be gloating to think he's 'succeeded' in drawing an adult into his sad little world.

And the one who is making those accusations is the "boy" who is trying to bully OP's DD.

The DD may or may not have said something like this (no proof either way, but I think it's unlikely, but certainly didn't publicise any such comments - this nasty little pervert (because that's what he is) is doing this. Spreading rumours and giving it a wider audience.

And he is also accusing her of making horrible accusations - this is something that could have a serious effect on her life if it is spread round.

Two young people could have their lives blighted by this horrible little scrote - who may or may not be a teenage boy, but is just as likely to be an adult man,

HE is the one sending slanderous texts - not the poor girl.

Imagine if everyone contacted police over a malicious FB message they recieved?,especially between teenagers ,

It's not just harmless messages though, is it? He is accusing my DD of making false rape accusations. That's fucking serious and I'm not going to just ignore it.

The police took my report seriously and are coming to take a statement at the weekend so clearly they don't think I've wasted their time!

Good - welldone for reporting it.

Whatever your DD may or may not have said/ implied*, his behaviour is infinitely worse.

*Please don't think I'm suggesting she's done anything wrong - I'm not, but the "boy" may have led her down a primrose path where he's got her (even jokingly) make comments he can twist - I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's done this before - he's horribly confident; cocky, in fact.

Why would you tip him off?

Police have already advised OP to do exactly what she DID do - block him on all DD comms, keep him unblocked on OP's comms, & DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM AGAIN.

Fortunately, the police are not so naive & know exactly what they can do.
Which is why they have been back in touch with OP, arranging to interview & investigate.

Text back “Yes, we have screenshots of your messages. Any further contact and the screenshots of your messages will be handed straight to the police.”

Is this a boy or an adult pretending to be one?

Apologies, didn’t read through!

@KettrickenSmiled You are very invested in this thread.

The police have not actually said those things- interview and investigate.
The OP said they are coming round for a chat at the weekend.

My guess is they will talk about online safety and say they will not do anything unless he bothers the girl in some other way.

It's not a crime to tell lies on Facetime, even if they are to say unpleasant things about another person, or whatever they used. Unpleasant for all concerned but the boy was messaging the mother actually, not the girl.

Well, let's hope this little slime ball goes back under his rock. If he does it again then make a criminal complaint on harassment. That fits okay, because seeking out someone's mother to say this stuff which is lies, it would appear, puts a different spin on in rather than teenagers falling out.

He sounds like an abusive man: which is maybe where he's headed.

Based on the current situation do you really think they will investigate?They will come round,have a chat about online safety,write a quick statement then possibly speak to the boy.Then it will be filed away somewhere never to see the light of day again.

So much minimising of poor male behaviour on Mumsnet these days. So many pile-ons on women who are questioning dodgy male behaviour.

🙄
I've already listed a few of the crimes this person has committed upthread & cba to do so again. It's not helpfiul to minimise the criminality, or the likelihood of the perpetrator re-offending.

Not sure why you are offended that a fellow PP is in your opinion very invested in this thread but can only imagine I'm no more invested than a PP who takes the time to speculate on other PP's engagement levels.

You didn't ask why any "investment" might be apparent on my part, - likely because you don't care, as your aim wasn't further understanding but belittlement. But it would have been a credit to you if any notion of background motivation had occurred to you instead of an instinct to sneering dismissal.

As a CSA survivor, I'm pretty invested in OP's DD & also the pain OP is handling.
Bite me.

@AIBUYesYesSometimes you've posted on this thread 14 times, @KettrickenSmiled has posted 16 times. Your levels of "investment" would appear similar so I don't know what that comment was about.

@KettrickenSmiled you've been very helpful thank you, ignore that poster.

Update is that DD is basically refusing to speak to me unless I cancel the police coming. She said she's scared she will be in trouble and she doesn't want this "dragging out". She said what's the point if I've blocked him and won't have any more contact with him. She's also worried that exB will be in trouble. I don't know what to do, I'm worried about this ruining my relationship with her.

No further contact from the "boy".

It sounds like your daughter has something she doesn't want you to find. Not at all saying she's not telling the truth about this issue, but maybe she's anticipating something personal and embarrassing that's not connected coming out?