Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need advice please - what the fuck do I do about this?

236 replies

forfuckssake23 · 26/01/2023 20:42

I received a message on FB messenger from a 16 year old boy who claims to be a friend of my DD (also 16). They live in opposite ends of the country and have never met but have been messaging and FaceTiming and according to DD became "friends" over FaceTime.

He has messaged me directly saying "do you know what bad things your daughter has been doing?"

I asked him what and he alleges that she had accused an ex boyfriend of "trying to rape her". This sounds not remotely like my daughter at all, so I spoke to her straight away and she was tearful saying "he's pissed off with me because I didn't message him all day, he's trying to get me in trouble". Apparently he has messaged her ex boyfriend to tell him that my DD has falsely accused him of trying to rape her. My DD looked me in the face and swore to me on her baby sister's life that she has done nothing of the sort and he is just trying to stir up trouble for her because she didn't message him today and they had an argument about this. I believe her.

This kid is however continuing to message me things like "so what are you going to do about it then?" etc.

How the fuck do I handle this? I mean obviously I could just block him but I am SO angry that he is invented this story about my daughter.

OP posts:
lemmein · 27/01/2023 09:02

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 08:54

You don't know he is a 16 year old boy, for certain, do you?

He could be anyone unless you can see his entire profile with his friends and posting history.

And your DD has never met him I assume?

One of my DCs friends got into a social media chat with someone it turned out they were a paedo. The friend was very savvy and set a honeypot, the man was arrested and convicted, as the police were there.

Not saying for a minute this is the case here but just warning you that you can't always take anyone at face value.

The DD has spoken to him on FaceTime though so he must be young. Still, there are grooming gangs which lure girls in with a young, attractive boy as the 'front-man' so it's not impossible that this is something even more sinister - unlikely though. Toxic males are everywhere and start the manipulation early doors these days, as a mum of 2 young adult DDs nothing in the OPs post strikes me as even unusual sadly. I'd hate to be a teen now.

forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lemmein · 27/01/2023 09:03

What's unbelievable is you're feeding teen drama when, if your daughter has blocked him, and you have blocked him, the whole sorry saga stops. No need for more drama

Why are you minimising this as 'teen drama'?

Chilliee · 27/01/2023 09:03

How does he know who her ex boyfriend is? Have you read through your daughters messages to him to see how it all played out before you contact the police?

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:03

Yet another example of how social media and especially Facebook do more harm than good.

OP I don't know why you responded although I can appreciate your emotion.

How did this boy know you were her Mum?

I use Facebook for work only, as I'm on a group, but I have my privacy settings set so high that no one can see or know anything except my friends. No photos, no friends to show, nothing public.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/01/2023 09:04

@forfuckssake23 Ok that's good. The key is you told him to stop. It's an absolute minefield dealing with teens and I have been there myself. She's lucky she has you to back her up. Also that she's recognised this behaviour. Good luck Flowers

Alondra · 27/01/2023 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm going to fuck off. The whole thread is beyond believable.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:05

Oh and you forgot to share your "expert" approach to being a mum to teen girls. Please, do share your top notch, perfect approach as I'm sure all us inadequate mothers could learn from it.......

@Alondra

Or - you could just stop being fucking goady on someone's thread and accusing me of "enjoying the drama" when I'm stressed to fuck about it.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 27/01/2023 09:05

@Alondra Christ your posts are unhelpful in the least. Awful.

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:06

@lemmein I agree but also it can be hard on a screen photo to tell how old someone really is. 16 or 26? Girls of 13 can look 25. I can look 25 if I use a filter!!

lemmein · 27/01/2023 09:06

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:03

Yet another example of how social media and especially Facebook do more harm than good.

OP I don't know why you responded although I can appreciate your emotion.

How did this boy know you were her Mum?

I use Facebook for work only, as I'm on a group, but I have my privacy settings set so high that no one can see or know anything except my friends. No photos, no friends to show, nothing public.

You be surprised. I often check peoples Facebook (I sell online and occasionally get customers lying for refunds, whilst posting pics of their 'missing' outfits on fb 🙄)

You can normally get a full family tree just by checking the likes on profile/cover pics - it's not that difficult.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:07

I'm going to fuck off. The whole thread is beyond believable.

👍🏻 bye

OP posts:
Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:08

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/01/2023 09:04

@forfuckssake23 Ok that's good. The key is you told him to stop. It's an absolute minefield dealing with teens and I have been there myself. She's lucky she has you to back her up. Also that she's recognised this behaviour. Good luck Flowers

Thank you! So bloody stressful and worrying having teen girls😣

OP posts:
AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:08

You can normally get a full family tree just by checking the likes on profile/cover pics - it's not that difficult.

Not if you set your privacy settings high.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:09

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:03

Yet another example of how social media and especially Facebook do more harm than good.

OP I don't know why you responded although I can appreciate your emotion.

How did this boy know you were her Mum?

I use Facebook for work only, as I'm on a group, but I have my privacy settings set so high that no one can see or know anything except my friends. No photos, no friends to show, nothing public.

My FB does not have my full name for work reasons - it's my first name and then middle and last initial, eg Sarah JM (not my real name obvs).

So DD must have told him who her mum was during one of their chats? Or, he worked it out from being her FB friend and me tagging her in stuff? I'm not sure.

OP posts:
lemmein · 27/01/2023 09:14

AIBUYesYesSometimes · 27/01/2023 09:08

You can normally get a full family tree just by checking the likes on profile/cover pics - it's not that difficult.

Not if you set your privacy settings high.

Even then, the likes on your profile/cover pic will show.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:16

Chilliee · 27/01/2023 09:03

How does he know who her ex boyfriend is? Have you read through your daughters messages to him to see how it all played out before you contact the police?

She must have told him who the ex is. She was chatting to him as a "friend" for weeks so it's plausible she just told him.

I can't see the messages - I asked DD this morning and she said because she has now blocked him on Snapchat (the only way they messaged each other other than FaceTime calls), the messages will have auto deleted as apparently that's how Snapchat works.

OP posts:
Pinkkite · 27/01/2023 09:17

Alondra

You are not reading the OPs posts carefully and then making assumptions and then reacting angrily (I am not sure why). It’s not helpful though and the OP has told you that and will not engage with you further (rightly so).

It’s clear that the OP is understandably and appropriately worried and stressed about this. She isn’t adding to the drama, she’s doing her best to figure out what happened and there is still something her daughter said that she wants to ask her more about from a safeguarding perspective. Just to check there is not more to this that her daughter might need help with or that the police need to deal with. Sensible and careful.

The OP has this covered. She is on it. She’s asked for advice and got it. Her daughter is safe and has blocked. You can step down now and relax.

Original poster
forfuckssake23 · 27/01/2023 09:19

Pinkkite · 27/01/2023 09:17

Alondra

You are not reading the OPs posts carefully and then making assumptions and then reacting angrily (I am not sure why). It’s not helpful though and the OP has told you that and will not engage with you further (rightly so).

It’s clear that the OP is understandably and appropriately worried and stressed about this. She isn’t adding to the drama, she’s doing her best to figure out what happened and there is still something her daughter said that she wants to ask her more about from a safeguarding perspective. Just to check there is not more to this that her daughter might need help with or that the police need to deal with. Sensible and careful.

The OP has this covered. She is on it. She’s asked for advice and got it. Her daughter is safe and has blocked. You can step down now and relax.

Thank you for this. I thought I was going a bit mad with that poster's suggestions that I was revelling in drama!

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 27/01/2023 09:21

What a horrible situation for your DD. I think you've handled it absolutely correctly. He was obviously nice to your DD in the beginning, formed the friendship and then he has turned on her when she didn't answer his message.
It was almost like he wanted to hear details of how you were going to punish her. Its extremely creepy and odd.

Reporting to the police is the right thing to do. Its easy to just try and brush these things away and move on after blocking contact. I'm glad you have found this anger towards him and will take it further. You have no idea how many other young girls he is doing this to, has done this to, or will do this to in the future. He certainly needs to be on the police radar, if he isn't already. The next girl he tries to get under his control may not have a parent who has talked to them about the dangers of chatting to randoms online and may agree to meet with him.
He certainly does not sound like a lovely and stable teenage boy and its highly unlikely he would behave like one if a girl was to meet up with him.

Judijudi · 27/01/2023 09:25

forfuckssake23
you sound like you’re doing all you can to protect your DD. It’s so scary how SM can reach straight into what should be the safety of your home. I hope you have no more hassle x

Butterfly44 · 27/01/2023 09:28

@forfuckssake23
Screenshot everything and report it. Yes, the police will do something and visit him. He may think being remote that he won't get into trouble. So many don't realise that harassment and bullying can lead to actual offences. I say this confidently having spoken to the police on similar matter.
The next person he does this to maybe more vulnerable so it's important to report this.

BellePeppa · 27/01/2023 09:29

Alondra · 27/01/2023 09:04

I'm going to fuck off. The whole thread is beyond believable.

Show quote history

I think the OP will be very glad to hear this. The best post you’ve made on this thread.

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/01/2023 09:34

LeCarre · 26/01/2023 23:55

This.

Screenshot the messages then report him to police for harassment (of you as well as your daughter), and blackmail (of your daughter trying to force her to respond by lying about her.

Then message him that slander is not legal in UK, that he is harassing yih and your daughter and has been reported to the police and you are now blocking him. Then block.

Show quote history

Agree.

Screenshot everything.

Report hm now - don't give any warning,

Support your daughter even if she has been foolish. She's very young, and this is a lesson she's learned the hard way, poor girl.

Monster80 · 27/01/2023 09:37

I’d hand it over to the Met police - who knows what the boy is a capable of - or who else he has threatened. Blackmail is a criminal offence that is punishable under UK law. I’d also use this as an opportunity to underline to your DD that what has happened is so serious that the police are involved.