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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
katenutzs · 26/01/2023 12:22

Sounds like you are a great Dad, keep doing your thing.

ScribblingPixie · 26/01/2023 12:23

Not weird, OP. Decades on, I treasure the times I spent just me and my dad. Don't let your partner damage your relationship with your daughter. She sounds jealous and unpleasant.

maddy68 · 26/01/2023 12:23

She's the weird one. Get rid of her

PollyPut · 26/01/2023 12:25

Not weird, no.

Your partner is just jealous.

DoNotGetADog · 26/01/2023 12:25

May I be the thousandth person to say - no, it’s lovely to do things like that. And your partner is weird and you need to get rid of her.

itsmeimtheproblem · 26/01/2023 12:26

I'm 34 and do things separately with both my father & mother. My dad has been to various concerts with me. Your partner is the issue not the relationship with your children. Life is too short and precious not to do things you both enjoy

Sartre · 26/01/2023 12:28

Not remotely weird, went to lots of concerts and on holidays with my Dad. I’m his only child and he was single so we did this sort of thing a lot. I think it’s perfectly usual and lovely, your partner is the weird one.

Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2023 12:30

A very very rare unanimous result @RedLines !

Notsuchaniceguy · 26/01/2023 12:30

You are doing perfectly reasonable things. Don't stop.

I go to gigs with my son who is in his twenties because we have overlapping music tastes. I watch movies with my children for the same reason. I hope I always will.

Do not let anyone come between you and your children. I made that mistake and the repercussions are still with me in the damage it did to my daughter's mental health. It was more around my children and I being made to feel we couldn't talk about our lives prior to being with DP due to DP's jealousy of my ex wife, their mum. They had to pretend she didn't exist. I was told this was normal by DP and I went along with it to 'keep the peace' (because I was spineless) instead of doing what I should have done and left DP.

This and other things such as DP not wanting me to spend time with my children unless she was there or me not to attend anything with them if my ex was there really hurt my children. All driven by jealousy and fear I would go back to her. Whilst I can empathise with DP's fear and understand the origins, I should have put my children first. Your partner will have a past that makes sense of her expressed belief and the reasons for it. But you are not her therapist so don't be me mate. The pain of letting this person go will be infinitesimally smaller than waking up to having hurt your child.

LetUsPonce · 26/01/2023 12:31

Not weird at all. My DH and DD (aged 17) still take the odd trip together.

Enjoy it while it lasts!!

lovelilies · 26/01/2023 12:31

So she wouldn't go anywhere with her sons then?

Super weird (her, not you).

I go places with one or all of my DC regardless of sex. I'd hope DS and I could hang out when he's 16, I love hanging out with DD who's 17.

Teens are so much more fun than younger children imo!

MojoDaysxx · 26/01/2023 12:31

Your partner is jealous of you daugher. She wants all of your attention herself. (She could have strong narcassistic traits.)
She probably can't stand the fact you love someone else.
It's is perfectly normal to holiday and spend time with your daugher.

jeaux90 · 26/01/2023 12:32

You sound like a lovely dad. Your partner is being really weird. I'd be very curious why she thinks that.

KangarooKenny · 26/01/2023 12:32

My parents were divorced so I went to all sorts of places with my dad.

Octopusmittens · 26/01/2023 12:33

flippingflippers · 26/01/2023 10:01

Your partner's trying to spoil your relationship with your daughter.

She'd be told to hit the road, asap. Absolutely shocking behaviour on her part. She sounds like a jealous teenager!

This

FreddieMercurysCat · 26/01/2023 12:34

Sorry to say, OP, that those are huge red flags from your new partner. He/she is obviously not happy about having a good parental relationship with your daughter. I would be leaving that relationship immediately.

user1471538283 · 26/01/2023 12:34

It is wonderful that you have this relationship with your DD. I went to stuff and on holiday with my DF as a child and as an adult and I would jump at the chance to spend any time with him all my life. As a result we were close. I have amazing memories of him.

My DS still comes on holiday with me as we have similar interests, we enjoy each others company and I pay for everything. What's not to like?

Your gf is jealous.

skingraft · 26/01/2023 12:34

Not weird at all :/ I still go out with my dad if there’s something we’re both interested in doing!

Likewise I often go out with my teen son for days just us 2, as he enjoys a lot of the same stuff (musicals, theatre) and we like each others company.

TrashyPanda · 26/01/2023 12:35

It’s your partner who is the weird one.

seems to be trying to put a wedge between you and your DD

thats nasty behaviour and I wouldn’t Trust her

Blessedbethefknfruit · 26/01/2023 12:36

I don't think its weird at all, and anyone who thinks it is has either been a victim of abuse themselves therfore sees these things differently 💔
Or else they have a perverted mind.

BloodAndFire · 26/01/2023 12:36

I've never seen a 100% YANBU before. Of course it's fine and it's lovely that you and your daughter have such a positive relationship. Don't let your new (soon to be ex) partner ruin it. Because that damage will never be undone.

magicstar1 · 26/01/2023 12:36

Not weird at all....you sound like a lovely dad. When I was 8 my dad and I went on a week's sun holiday. My mother wasn't interested in going and stayed home with my baby brother. I also had a couple of weekends away when I was older with just my dad. The only uncomfortable bit was when the b&b owner showed us to our double bed and we started laughing. My dad said "No, she's my daughter"...she changed the room quickly.

Foxglove22 · 26/01/2023 12:38

It's lovely that your daughter wants to go to concerts with you and on holiday - I really hope my son will want to do those things with me when he gets to that age. Implying that this isn't normal shows that your partner has screwed up ideas about the relationship between a father and his daughter.

LadyHarmby · 26/01/2023 12:38

Man, I hope my kid still wants to hang out with me like that when they’re 16.

Mammyloveswine · 26/01/2023 12:38

I'm 35 and will often go to a concert with my dad!!!

Fucking ridiculous of your "partner" to suggest it's anything other than perfectly normal!!

Get rid OP!