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Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 27/01/2023 17:48

Blimey! First 100% YANBU I have ever seen! Of course YANBU @RedLines Your partner sounds weird and possessive. Nothing wrong with going to a concert with your daughter!

mumoftinyterrors · 27/01/2023 17:53

You sound like an amazing dad 🫶🏻

As others have said, it’s your partner that is weird and jealous. She needs to be shown the door. Thankfully you’ve found out she’s like this before you married her and she tried to cut you off from your kids.

CLCB07 · 27/01/2023 17:59

My son turns 16 soon and is coming to France with me in the summer. You sound lovely.

RedDiamond · 27/01/2023 18:00

Please do not let your relationship with your children go as mine has with my Father.

I have not "been allowed" to see him for the past 3 years due to Covid and due to his and his wife's fear of me being in contact with a random on the street who may or may not have Covid. Unless I can prove I have been isolated, I am not allowed to visit.

His Wife, last time we were altogether, rolled her eyes at any mention of my Father and I and my Sisters having had times together. As far as she is concerned, we are of no consequence and the sooner she can basically eliminate us the better.

Girls LOVE their Dad's. They do this without rhyme or reason, it is just how it is. Do not allow your Girlfriend to come between you and your children.

TheHillsAreAliveWithTheSoundOfEtc · 27/01/2023 18:02

You sound like a great Dad.

Your partner is jealous and being very unpleasant.

Please maintain that relationship with your children.

Also, please find yourself a girlfriend who loves you for you.
The 'right' woman, because she loves you, will like your children - as an extension of you - and make an effort with them herself.

PollysPocketIsEmpty · 27/01/2023 18:02

Not weird at all!
I was going to concerts with my dad at that age!

Your GF sounds very jealous of your relationship with your daughter and the fact she is clearly one of your top priorities. I'd be questioning the future of the relationship with GF.

cracklefick · 27/01/2023 18:08

I'm 33 and go to concerts with my dad regularly. Not weird, we just have a lovely relationship.

Wendthespend · 27/01/2023 18:10

Not weird in any way

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/01/2023 18:14

Partner is a nightmare, ditch her.

Does she ask your permission to do stuff with her sons?

Passwordfatigued · 27/01/2023 18:15

You sound like a lovely dad! It's not weird... I wouldn't let your partner put weird notions in your head. I always did the same when I was a kid with my own dad and it cemented our relationship. I still love going to gigs with him.... I'm taking him to a Springsteen gig next month for his 70th. We have had a shared love of music, gigs and hanging out together since i was teen 😁My husband is a little jealous he is stuck at home with the kids haha but he knows it's just something we do and slways have done. Why would you stop having a relationship with your daughter just because she is a teen? Your partner is the odd one here unfortunately 😕

Greenshed · 27/01/2023 18:16

Not weird at all. I think your partners reaction is though, and I’d be questioning it. Is she perhaps jealous of the close relationship you have with your daughter?

Mylittlepea · 27/01/2023 18:16

Wow, 100% YANBU replies.

My Dad was a single parent and although I saw my mum most weekends, I lived with him all of my childhood and we holidayed just the two of us until I was 17, we also went to concerts, comedy shows, had days out and went to the theatre together. He was also dating on a fairly long term basis so had a social life separate from just me but kept plenty of time free just for the 2 of us.

I have the best memories of these times we had together. I’m in my 50’s now and he died unexpectedly just before Christmas. I’ll forever be grateful for all the fun times we had.

Life is short, so set boundaries with your partner (or end it if it feels wrong) and go out there and enjoy life with your daughter❤️

Diva66 · 27/01/2023 18:23

It is not unusual or weird to spend time with your daughter. It is weird for your partner to be negative about it. Is it jealousy?

OssiPup · 27/01/2023 18:25

No, this is not weird. It is testament to what a fantastic father you have been to your daughter.

It sounds as though your partner is jealous of/feels threatened by the relationship you have with your daughter. Do they get on well? Maybe your partner is feeling left out? Have you asked her to clarify why she feels uncomfortable with it? She has no grounds to call your behaviour weird though. Whatever you do , do not change how you interact with your daughter.

Mumof3confused · 27/01/2023 18:26

Is your partner controlling in other ways too, or is this the only red flag in your relationship?

Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2023 18:26

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

I hope you don't have any pet rabbits.

Hazey19 · 27/01/2023 18:27

not weird at all. It’s a lovely thing to do! Your partner sounds weirdly jealous.

MarvellousMonsters · 27/01/2023 18:28

I wish the father of my children was as engaged with and involved with our children as you are with yours. Sadly he prioritises himself and girlfriend over his children, and it's horrible. You sound like a great dad, that has a great relationship with your daughter and your current partner (does she live with you?) clearly doesn't have as good a relationship with her teenage children, which should be a red flag in itself.

RunnerNoMore · 27/01/2023 18:29

Last summer I had an operation and couldn’t fly. Our 18 year old daughter went to the Amalfi Coast with her her dad. They shared a room, travelled round and had the very best time. Dad daughter memories. Precious time together. Someone at work at the time thought it odd. Everyone else thought she was odd for thinking that. It’s your partner who has the issue.

Mollymoostoo · 27/01/2023 18:34

When I met my DH he did all sorts of trips with his DD. We go on holiday as a family but he took her to the footie, meets her for a catch up and does things with her (she is 17). We met when she was only 5, so kind of different but if he said he was taking her away for a weekend, I wouldn't think it was wrong but I would want to go as I would want to gang up with her against DH!!

I agree with others, you will have issues longer term with this relationship, she clearly sees your DD as the other woman. My step mum did this and I ended up not having a relationship with my dad.

Alcemeg · 27/01/2023 18:34

What a lovely thing to do with your daughter. My dad died recently and I treasure the happy memories. Anyone who resents you creating happy memories with your daughter needs putting up against a wall and shooting. There is no place in this world for such bitter miseryguts.

Missingpop · 27/01/2023 18:35

Not being funny but I’d be dropping her like a fucking hot potato she sounds a bit unhinged to me; serious issues around what’s “normal” your daughter, your child; of course it’s perfectly normal to take to concerts, on holiday what’s not normal is some fruit loop questioning what’s not normal about it !!

Vynalbob · 27/01/2023 18:36

There are only 3 options (that I can think of) of Y your partner is being weird (your not weird)....

  1. Jealousy
  2. Have had an abusive experience/s
  3. Is in a workplace that sends her on "child protection" courses and has expanded this learning to a silly level.

Only you can decide....if it's No1 then I can't see a good future.

WingingItFTM · 27/01/2023 18:37

Lovely that you have such a great relationship with your teenage daughter, you should be very proud of this. Don’t let your partner spoil this!

MaMisled · 27/01/2023 18:37

As a teenager, I spent prolonged periods of time with my dear Father. We went birdwatching, found fox holes and badger setts to watch in the early hours, we walked and walked to explore derelict cottages in the countryside. It was a wonderful break from the usual wild teenage stuff I engaged in the rest of the time. Hours and hours, just me and him. My Mother couldnt understand it, said it was unnatural, was very resentful. Now he's no longer here, I'm sooooo glad we did that. I just adored his company.