AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

[WhatAmIDoingWrong123]

@Perfectpenelope

My DS was coming in with me at 10. Even now if I send him in the mens I wait outside and he’s 14. There’s all sorts of freaks and weirdos around and I am sorry to say that some men are just disgusting. They walk among us and I trust no one. All the stories you hear of poor lads being touched or long term abuse. Someone could be waiting inside those loos.

This does feel a bit OTT, not sure you’re altogether rational.

[AllergictoWerewolves]

@fUNNYfACE36

Neither it is my duty!

fUNNYfACE36, I think you meant to say
NEITHER IS IT MY DUTY!

[Duckduckgooseagain]

@Sux2buthen

I think @fUNNYfACE36 is having everyone on 😏

@Sux2buthen has to be a troll or they have a screw loose

[borisescomb]

@anya21

i would say 8 is the absolute max age for a boy to be in ladies toilets.

Are you able to use critical thinking or is this just a blanket approach to all public loos and all 8 year old boys? For example I'm happy for my 10 year old ds to use the public loos in our local pub. It's very quiet, we tend to know the people in there and it's a small loo right near the main bar area. However if we were in some massive city centre shopping complex etc I would feel less happy about it. If I had to he would come in with me because I value his safety more than the irrational fear some grown adults seem towards a child with it's mother.

[NormaTheWife]

Well this is in the DM now and the readers all agree with you @FlyingPi .

[NP85]

@FlyingPi I completely agree with you. So many pedophiles around and it’s getting worse. They are everywhere and anyone who thinks otherwise, is being naive. Sorry to say but it’s true, I wish it wasn’t. I don’t know what age I will let my now 4yr old son goto a public loo by himself, but I think 7 is still quite young. We need to protect our children as much as we can.

[NP85]

@Daniella36 it’s not paranoia, it’s fact. Every day there’s reports of Police officers caught with child abuse images, people of trust working with children specifically to abuse them, online pedophile hunters catching hundreds of people each month. It’s everywhere and just to say it’s in people’s heads is naive on your part

[YouJustDoYou]

A 14 year old was raped in the public beach front toilets here in the UK, during the day. Very busy toilets, still happened. Men who are pervs and paedos will take any opportunity they can.

[YouJustDoYou]

@NP85

@FlyingPi I completely agree with you. So many pedophiles around and it’s getting worse. They are everywhere and anyone who thinks otherwise, is being naive. Sorry to say but it’s true, I wish it wasn’t. I don’t know what age I will let my now 4yr old son goto a public loo by himself, but I think 7 is still quite young. We need to protect our children as much as we can.

Well, they're being given the keys to the sweet shop lately aren't they? Free opportunity and access to the vulnerable.

[Noonesperfect]

@CellophaneFlower "Ahhh yes. 9 is definitely the age when they become voyeuristic perverts."

🤣🤣🤣 LOL . Yes the morning of their ninth birthday! 🙄

[RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella]

@borisescomb

Are you able to use critical thinking or is this just a blanket approach to all public loos and all 8 year old boys? For example I'm happy for my 10 year old ds to use the public loos in our local pub. It's very quiet, we tend to know the people in there and it's a small loo right near the main bar area. However if we were in some massive city centre shopping complex etc I would feel less happy about it. If I had to he would come in with me because I value his safety more than the irrational fear some grown adults seem towards a child with it's mother.

I find it hard to believe boys would still want to be going in the ladies with their mum at the age of 10, mine"d have been mortified - they wanted to go in the men's from around the age of 7 if I remember correctly (where I'd stand outside shouting through to them so everyone knew I was there!)

[anya21]

@CellophaneFlower

Ahhh yes. 9 is definitely the age when they become voyeuristic perverts.

It is the age that many will be starting puberty, and thinking of girls in a different way.

[CellophaneFlower]

@anya21

It is the age that many will be starting puberty, and thinking of girls in a different way.

Many? Really? And what exactly will this pubescent child be seeing in a women's toilet? I've been using women's toilets for 46 years and I've not even had so much as an accidental knicker flash. Or do you expect their urges to be so strong that they'll be peering under cubicle doors?

[EdgeOfACoin]

@CellophaneFlower

Many? Really? And what exactly will this pubescent child be seeing in a women's toilet? I've been using women's toilets for 46 years and I've not even had so much as an accidental knicker flash. Or do you expect their urges to be so strong that they'll be peering under cubicle doors?

We'll, that argument applies to literally everyone, surely, including 13- and 14-year-old boys?

At what age do you think boys should use the men's toilets?

[borisescomb]

"where I'd stand outside shouting through to them so everyone knew I was there!"

Because this would be far less mortifying for them....😂

Besides it's not always possible. The toilets in our nearest shopping centre are down a long corridor and are massive. You can't stand outside shouting 'mummy's here' even if you wanted to.

My ds does prefer to go into the men's now and I prefer him to as well but only if I feel it's a safe environment. Parents are the best ones to judge here. All I can say is it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to see a boy in the ladies because I can appreciate the reason for it is probably safety/assistance rather than them wanting to perv over a locked cubicle door.

[CellophaneFlower]

@EdgeOfACoin

We'll, that argument applies to literally everyone, surely, including 13- and 14-year-old boys?

At what age do you think boys should use the men's toilets?

I'm not sure I could put an exact age on it, kids are all very different. My original comment was to a poster who stated 8 was the absolute maximum age a child could go into the ladies with their mum.

I honestly wouldn't be intimidated/up in arms by a young boy of even say, 11 who was with his mum in the loo. I'd much rather mum and son do whatever they both feel comfortable with.

[fUNNYfACE36]

@CellophaneFlower

I'm not sure I could put an exact age on it, kids are all very different. My original comment was to a poster who stated 8 was the absolute maximum age a child could go into the ladies with their mum.

I honestly wouldn't be intimidated/up in arms by a young boy of even say, 11 who was with his mum in the loo. I'd much rather mum and son do whatever they both feel comfortable with.

would you be okay with grown men in the ladies toilets if they felt more comfortable. The OP is, presumably , canvassing opinion from these people oyherwise her op would be pointless

[fUNNYfACE36]

Sorry that post didn't make sense
' would you be okay with a grown man in the ladies if that is where he felt more comfortable.If you are okay with mixed gender toilets, I don't think the op's question is aimed at you

[SleepingStandingUp]

I Don wonder how many of the "boys should go in the men's from 5 and just learn to look after themselves a. have sons b. Happily send their girls in alone from the same age.

Because as women its easy to understand why you don't want MEN in your place and project that onto your daughters to protect them. And to always just come into the loo cos you're the same sex.

And there often seems to be a vibe in MN That boys are just yet-to-grow-fullsize-predators hence the paranoia that 7 yo boys are trying to perv on little girls, take over their spaces to make them feel unimportant and spread their general maleness all over the place to upset female.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@fUNNYfACE36

Sorry that post didn't make sense
' would you be okay with a grown man in the ladies if that is where he felt more comfortable.If you are okay with mixed gender toilets, I don't think the op's question is aimed at you

But this isn't about men, it's about boys. We'd all agree a girl of 11 is still a girl, but on MN a boy of 11 is virtually a man, predating on innocent girls, intimidating grown men as he prowls around the women's loos

[CellophaneFlower]

@fUNNYfACE36

would you be okay with grown men in the ladies toilets if they felt more comfortable. The OP is, presumably , canvassing opinion from these people oyherwise her op would be pointless

Well obviously not a grown man, no.

I don't really understand what you mean? OP was posting asking for advice on what to tell her child about why he couldn't go into the men's toilets yet. The post is relevant to me, as I have young boys and I am a woman who uses a ladies toilet.

[Squiblet]

I'd much rather mum and son do whatever they both feel comfortable with.

What this whole long thread has proved is that there's no one single solution that will result in everyone feeling "comfortable". Some boys feel uncomfortable going alone into the men's toilets; some boys feel uncomfortable in the women's. Some women feel uncomfortable with boys being alone in the men's; some women feel uncomfortable with boys being in the ladies'.

Ideally we would do whatever is safest for the kids, and of course this is what every parent tries to do ... but when it comes to feeling comfortable, there's always going to be conflict.

[jannier]

Why not change the question would you allow your 7 year old in a shop where you couldn't see them? Can your 7 year old go out on their own?

[SleepingStandingUp]

@jannier

Why not change the question would you allow your 7 year old in a shop where you couldn't see them? Can your 7 year old go out on their own?

Exactly. AIBU to leave my 7 yo for 2 minutes whilst I pop next door to grab milk. No roads, to cross and he's fast asleep plus we have a key I na key safe and the number tatood on my armn: yes, he'll die or you'll die and he'll die and

AIBU to send my 7 yo into a room full of strange grown men, lockable cubicles down a corridor so I can't hear him where they all need to get their penis out
Mn: sure, what's the worst that can happen???

[Yfront]

And there often seems to be a vibe in MN That boys are just yet-to-grow-fullsize-predators hence the paranoia that 7 yo boys are trying to perv on little girls, take over their spaces to make them feel unimportant and spread their general maleness all over the place to upset female

I agree. My 7 year old holds my hand everywhere we go and refers to me as Mumma. He's just an innocent wee boy. I'll encourage independence at his own pace, just as I will with my girls.