AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

I suspect dad accompanying a 7 year old girl into the women’s would get the same reaction. And unfortunately men’s toilets are places some dangerous men are drawn to for obvious reasons- as we’ve unfortunately found out.

This is now getting pretty ridiculous. No parent should base safeguarding on MN frothing. You do what you feel is necessary to keep your child safe. Victim blaming and ignoring danger would never be turned onto girls on MN threads and inferring that victims of sexual assault and rape have some kind of responsibility and control over ensuring incidents don’t happen is pretty appalling. My son wasn’t abused because he wasn’t savvy he was abused because he was put in a dangerous vulnerable situation with a perpetrator who had criminal intent and was 100% to blame. Inferring he wasn’t competent or savvy enough to stop it happening and putting the onus on the victim is just completely wrong.

A 7 year old boy can’t pee in the bushes and will be very vulnerable in many male toilets. You can’t control which. As parents you need to judge each situation and your child yourself. Don’t base your choices on a ludicrous MN thread where posters are trying to foist responsibility for abuse onto victims.

And rightly so considering men's toilets don't have the same amount of cubicles and levels of privacy as women's toilets - and lots of children will be alone using urinals.

Neither it is my duty!

It's your duty to berate little boys eh Oare doing as they're told? Why not pick on someone your own size and talk to their adult?

Bollocks. I don't believe for one second that you actually do this.

AxisOfEviI · 26/01/2023 07:48
What age are people actually planning to let their boys go to the men's toilet? 18? Never? Projecting this level of fear is not good for boys, and it's really shit for women and girls.“

Don’t be ridiculous. Huge difference between a 7 year old child and an 18 year old man. I’m a woman, as is my daughter. We have no problem whatsoever with little boys going into the ladies with their mums.

when DS was 7-11 he stood outside ladies waiting for me. And then I did the same outside the men’s. Even at football ground we did this. He says he used the cubicle. Secondary school age we both went to our respective loos at the same time. He was always quicker than me and just waited somewhere I could see him when I came out.

Not little ones, only if they look 7years plus. I just usually ask them if they are a girl ot say ' you are a funny looking girl' They reply of course that they are not a girl, to which I respond these toilets are only for women and girls

I think @fUNNYfACE36 is having everyone on 😏

Funnily enough I went into a ladies toilet at a service station today and I saw a boy of about 12/13 going into one of the cubicles. He did look out of place. I have no idea why he was in there but there were a load of coaches with Liverpool supporters on their way to a match. Would this be a reason why a Mum might decide to decide this? What I DID notice was that he had left the toilet seat up when he came out - cheeky blighter! At least train your sons to put the seat down!

You could just cover it with "safeguarding"

I mean if the school took your kid on a trip and sent them into a public gents unsupervised and alone, the teacher would be fired.

What rubbish, if a teacher went into the toilets with the children, there would be outcry here about safeguarding.

7 is little, they're just out of infant school. They generally aren't playing out unsupervised or going to the shops alone because it isn't safe and they do as their told (mostly).

DS, 7, if out of the cubicle before me, would just tell you hes there because his Mom said so and then start talking about Sonic at you. It would shame or belittle him as you're hoping.

No it isn't you just like bullying people half your size. Shame on you! 🤬

At what age? Long coach trip September,.

Girls, mainly 7 turning 8. two female teachers inside the toilet room. Kids went into cubicles alone. Boys, same age, one male parent and one female teacher inside the toilet roo.. Kids made to use cubicle not urinal.

Teachers outside to collect exiters.

Beavers, so 4-8, two members of staff in each toilet room. Even if one kid needed the loo, two adults went and waited in the toilet room

As far as I know, it's the same upto year 6and in cubs.

No way would they just let the kids wander into a toilet block around unsuspecting and unchecked men

Sorry previous message for @fUNNYfACE36

So not "a" teacher then?
In your original very different example;

1. Who would be fired?

I didn't mention sacking. I was questioning your insinuation the teachers didn't go to the loo with the kids.

Not sure now if you're saying a teacher wouldn't because several would, or teachers send the kids in alone.

As per the PP post about sacking, I would imagine only if there was a serious incident.

Somewhere between 8&10 I imagine. I'll start slowly with the independence, sending him to the mens somewhere quiet and familiar and build on from there. I imagine Somewhere like the Trafford Centre will be later in that period, but luckily they have family toilets so it won't be an issue for other people.

This thread has reminded me of the time I sent my DSs (then maybe 6/7 and 8/9 ish) into the men's toilets in Morrisons. They asked to use the mens and although I thought the younger one was a bit young I figured they'd be alright together. I told them to look after eachother and make sure they washed their hands.

About a minute after they went in a man came out and asked if they were my dc. (I was just outside the door). If course I panicked and asked if they were OK/misbehaving. He laughed and said they were fine but had made him chuckle. Apparently they'd gone in, seen him, whispered to each other and then decided to go into the cubicle together. Then he heard one of them say "now you face the door so you don't see my willy."

When they came out and I asked them about it they said they didn't like using the urinal but there was only one cubicle and they thought they'd be safer if they went in there together.

I don't think I've ever explicitly said about dodgy men in toilets. Just general stranger danger/pants rule etc.

i would say 8 is the absolute max age for a boy to be in ladies toilets.

My DS was coming in with me at 10. Even now if I send him in the mens I wait outside and he’s 14. There’s all sorts of freaks and weirdos around and I am sorry to say that some men are just disgusting. They walk among us and I trust no one. All the stories you hear of poor lads being touched or long term abuse. Someone could be waiting inside those loos.

Ahhh yes. 9 is definitely the age when they become voyeuristic perverts.

That's a bit extreme at his age. What age will you "let" him go by himself then? Does he not go out on his own? My DS is the same age and I couldn't imagine loitering around outside the loo for him now, he's taller and heavier than me for a start. Plus he goes out on his own with mates so I'm not there anyway!

Yep. There's no way she actually does that. She'd have had a right earful from me if she'd said that to my DS and I'm sure there are a calibre of women out there who'd have physically assaulted her for telling their kids off, which is why it's probably bollocks.