AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

I think forcing a reluctant boy to go into a Ladies toilet is humiliating him. I have seen boys in Ladies toilet queues who look very embarrassed. Boys naturally reach the age where they are not happy with this any longer, but for some, their views and feelings do not matter, only the mothers view.

I'm a single mum of a growing boy. He can come into the ladies with me

I along with most other people, am fine with little boys coming in with their mums. But when i see comments like this all i hear is "fuck the girls" because that is how it comes across.

Why isn't there more campaigning for men to be better? Why do women and girls have to have longer queues just because men are too unsafe around little boys?

So again: 3rd spaces. would be the answer.

A couple of observations from somebody with first hand experience of male loos from an early age.

As others have pointed out the risks are extremely low. Little boys regularly use gents loos on their own.

Make him aware of the dangers and tell him to yell his head off if he is feels in danger.

If you are worried about safety, busy loos are probably the safest. A pervert would have to have a death wish to interfere with a child in a busy gents.

Somebody mentioned losing him inside. If there is more than one entrance, this can happen. It happened to me as a child. Short of leaving a trail of breadcrumbs I’m not sure what to advise.

Large loos (motorway services, airports etc) often have a special low urinal or two for small boys. Smaller ones don’t so he may have use a stall if there is one available. Shutting the door is optional. It will probably blow some MNer’s minds but I have seen men lift desperate boys up so that they can use an adult urinal.

Allowances are made for small boys, but it may also be a good time to introduce him to male urinal etiquette.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=hpGFykeWaMU

He's fine to come in with me, third spaces or not.
I also have girls, I'm fine with them being on rooms with kids of the opposite sex, particularly when there's cubicles fgs.

This ☝️. Good post!

But when i see comments like this all i hear is "fuck the girls" because that is how it comes across

Yes. In space loads.

Spade

I don't understand why most adult woman object to trans women (I.e men) in their spaces because they feel vulnerable, but a young 7 year old child is not allowed to feel vulnerable in the men's loo. Are we saying adult women are more vulnerable than male children?

do you understand how it sounds to women and girls with all the "but MY boy must come with me?"

most people on here have said, repeatedly, that they are fine with 7 year old boys coming in the ladies. Some of us have outlined things we've experienced with some boys that makes us less likely to want that particular boy back again. And the fact that they aren't always in the cubicle with their mum at all.

But, thankfully, this is quite rare.

The replies to the poll are currently 74% unreasonable - what does that mean? maybe that OP should tell her son why he can't go to the men's (in an age appropriate way, i would assume). And several (dozen) posters have said, sure it's fine bring them in but there is a cut off and they should learn to use the men's at an appropriate time.

Don’t understand your post/. Where have I done that ?
\

Why would a 7 year old girl be in the men’s toilets unaccompanied. This is batshit.

@SilentNightDancer my ds is just 10 and has started going into some public toilets alone in the last year. However I use my judgement and there are some that I still wouldn't let him in alone. If that meant taking him in the ladies with me for his safety then so be it. What risk is a 10 year old boy with his mum to you or anyone else?
There are many things that have changed in the last few decades. The world has changed and there is more danger or at least we are aware of more danger now.
It's not that little girls feelings don't matter, I have a dd too so im not at all biased to only the feelings and well-being of boys. But any child regardless of their sex should be able to go with their parent if it makes them safer. Other adults need to be less entitled about their own feelings and just think about the safety of children, that's what it boils down to.

This is what I’ve been saying. Disabled toilets are self explanatory. They are for people who cannot use a normal sized stall because of a wheelchair and include those who have incontinence, a stoma or other bowel/bladder disorder. There was a post a while back encouraging parents to buy a radar key to open disabled toilets. They’re available on eBay now, whereas before you had to prove a qualifying disability to get one via a disability support site. So many people thinking they’re entitled to access facilities meant for those with health conditions that would make most able bodied people want to curl up and die. You know who you are and you should be ashamed.

My son was abused in male toilets at 12 when I was waiting outside. No way would I ever contemplate sending a 7 year old male or female into a toilet unaccompanied.

At the end of the day parents MUST do what they feel is best as regards safety. Do not base your safeguarding on MN threads.

And frankly no I wouldn’t give two shits about girls or women feeling uncomfortable as regards the presence of a 7 year old boy in public toilet. Trust me the trauma we are now dealing with years down the line trumps feeling “uncomfortable” for 5 minutes.

If you feel uncomfortable never take the risk. It isn’t worth it.

Yep. Wheelchair user here with a stoma and incontinence problems. Radar keys used to be exclusively available via disability charities but eBay, Amazon and a few other sites put paid to that. Disabled toilets are there for a reason. Wheelchair users can’t fit in a normal cubicle. Stoma users and those with incontinence problems and things like Crohn’s disease or IBS need to be able to access a sink with running water next to the loo. Just what the fuck makes you think you are entitled to these facilities if you aren’t disabled ? Talk about entitled !!!

Happy to be irresponsible in this situation then. My 25 year old son is certainly not scarred for life for being taken into women's loos whilst 6/7/8. He lives independently and is probably quite happy he's never been put in a vulnerable situation. As I suspect will be the case with my younger boys.

The poster I was answering brought up the trans issue by asserting that she didn’t believe that there should be separate trans toilets and that people should assess the risk for themselves. I was simply asking why vulnerable young girls who had been raped by ‘trans’ women were being asked to assess the risk themselves.

And frankly no I wouldn’t give two shits about girls or women feeling uncomfortable as regards the presence of a 7 year old boy in public toilet.

charming. Girls must always give way and their comfort is always secondary.
JFC
(and again: i am not against the boys. It's their mums - the ones on here at least - that i have the problem with )

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/homeless-man-kidnapped-boy-8-21080536

Yep comfort needs to come second to safety. Most girls and women I know have empathy and would prioritise safety over comfort tenfold.

Great post, I agree with this absolutely.

FWIW, I understand the anxiety. But the fact that the OP’s DS is asking to use the men’s toilets suggests that he’s growing up and is uncomfortable using the ladies’ toilets now. She should listen to him and encourage his desire for independence.

But why would a grown woman feel uncomfortable about the presence of a young boy in the toilets? It's a child!

These are young boys in primary school not 15 year old boys. I understand the OP's concerns and need to supervise and keep her boys safe.

Oh the nativity! Utter bull shit.

My son’s abuse was not our fault or down to him not responding properly. Trust me he recognised it. He was alone, it doesn’t take long and there was nothing he could have done to stop it.

6 year old girls are still changing for pe in the classroom with 6/7 year olds in all the schools my dc have been too

A 6 year old really shouldn't be worried about bumping into another 6/7 year old boy fully clothed with his mother in the women's loos