To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

[BillHadersNewWife]

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

Wow, I'm shocked by the mix of replies!!!

I don't want to see anyone wandering around my home in their knickers, parents, siblings etc. Its gross!

"she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another."

'Meant to be'. MEANT. Which implies to me that she actually isn't looking for somewhere to move to. And the wandering around (un)dressed to that degree - well that's starting to look to me like a bit of a power play. It's definitely showing that she does not feel as if she's in someone else's house, doesn't it?

I'd be asking her to please use a dressing gown whilst staying here, and I'd work looking for her new house into EVERY conversation. I wouldn't feel the need to have my husband raise her state of undress with her, I'd do it myself.

But you need to get her into her own place ASAP. She's sounding a bit too comfortable outstaying her welcome in your HOME.

all I can think is gosh your heating must be on nice and high

It's completely reasonable not to want to see other people's underwear in your home environment

😂😂

I don’t care what age you are. If you are a guest in someone’s house don’t walk around showing your underwear. I would feel really uncomfortable OP, I’m with you.

And the wandering around (un)dressed to that degree - well that's starting to look to me like a bit of a power play. It's definitely showing that she does not feel as if she's in someone else's house, doesn't it?

I walked around like that after getting up in my mother's house because it was my mother's house and she'd seen everything I have anyway. No power play involved. You could equally plausibly argue that it's because she feels comfortable and at home enough at the ILs and with them to do that.

I doubt shes truly wandering around in her knickers as a calculated move to take over your home. I suspect like many people, she's just thoughtless.

Much depends on the knickers and bum in question - thong vanishing into an ample rear and who the hell knows whats going on in front... no. Cover's up everything boy-shorts of a suitable size for the bum in question... not so bad.

As ever... communicate!

My mum used to wander around EXACTLY like Winnie-the-Pooh and even on weekend mornings when I'd have had friends staying over... unfortunately she was spot on, it WAS her house and they WERE her rules and if I didn't like it I could piss off. So I did.

I can't see how it's gross?

Yes...to be fair its only been 2 weeks or so since she closed on her house and rhe sale and packing really knocked her about emotionally and physically. She was very thin when she arrived but looks a lot better. I do think she wants to find a house but is very weak mentally and can't seem to take much pressure. She's always been this way and I met her first 20 years ago! Which is weird to consider....she's been vociferous about keeping her independence. I do think if she's left to her own devices, she won't look for a month....and I'm not having that!

Assuming the knickers aren't a tiny thong, I really don't understand the reaction to this. There are plenty of 'shortie pj' sets which aren't really much more than at shirt and pants.

It sounds as though you're not seeing more than a passing sight of her as she moves from room to room. Its not like she's sitting watching TV with you in her pants, or holding full on conversations with you not knowing where to look, so I'd leave it.
I can't imagine it causes you more than the odd few seconds of 'discomfort' at worst, and compared with the embarrassment to both you and her of raising it, I'd question if it's worth it.

She wears smallish bikini style knickers. There's a bit of arse on show. I don't like it. They're thin cotton....nothing like shortie pyjamas which are...well...shorts.

My DM used to sleep naked and when she started developing Alzheimer's, she would sometimes open the door naked, is your MIL showing any signs of dementia, or perhaps she is just comfy in a T-Shirt and knickers at bed. I wear that in the summer when its hot so could be she is just used to her own environment and not thinking to cover up

I do think if she's left to her own devices, she won't look for a month....and I'm not having that!

Don't worry. I'm guessing that sooner or later she'll pick up on your attitude towards her and be off.

No because shell see me and stop to talk about some old shite and I have to stand there. Or she'll come to the doorway of rhe living room like it and tell me her plans tomorrow.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

Imo it's gross because it's walking around with your underwear on show! Arse on show is totally inappropriate from a house guest. Especially when talking to other people, it's grim.

Well she never used to do this. I've known her 20 years and she's stayed multiple times with us in the various countries we've lived in a d not once has she walked around in her knickers.

I'm surprised by all the replies that this is OK. I would never wander around in knickers in someone else's home, and I wouldn't expect a guest in my home to either. It's not at all the same as a swimming costume or shortie pajamas. The clue's in the name - underwear is something you wear under your clothes. So what if she sleeps in a t-shirt and knickers? I sleep naked but put pajamas on if I'm up during the night or in the morning before I get dressed.

I don't wear a bra under my PJs when it's just me, my husband and our kids, but if there's anyone else around I definitely do. Otherwise it would be obvious that I wasn't wearing one and I would feel uncomfortable in that situation.

I assumed it was a joke as that is often the way threads go.

My attitude is fine. I've given her our bedroom and spend time with her every single day as well as cooked all her meals and taken her shopping. She knows I love her but she's not MY mum and I don't want to see her bottom.

Oh this is awful.

My MIL wears a silky strappy negligee thing as a nightie and I find that distressing enough to see. It just feels unnecessarily intimate.

My MIL does actively enjoy making people uncomfortable though so I always assumed it was that.

Just tell her and see what happens? It’s like an adventure, “what happens when I say what I really want?”. What’s the worst thing that COULD happen?

Mind you, at family conversations, my DS mentioned that his GF had seen me naked! and my DILs response was, "who hasnt seen Jen naked!" - I had to walk past their room to the bathroom and a couple of times forgot a towel, and had to creep hurriedly past their door, which of course was open! hoping no one would see, on another occasion I rushed out to the washing line in just underwear as had spilled something on me and wanted to put on the stuff on the line, it was a secluded back garden but my DIL was looking out of an upstairs window at the time, so I guess I am guilty of this too.

But it's ok on a beach or by a pool?

I still don't get the 'gross' bit?

YANBU. Could she buy a robe/dressing gown? Or could you buy her one as a gift?