To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

[BillHadersNewWife]

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

My MIL does this when she comes to stay and I absolutely hate it. I am a bit prudish but I think I’ve the right to be in my own house. I think you should follow the lead of your hosts when you’re a guest in someone’s house - actually, you should act a bit less like you’re in your own house than they do, because you’re not.

So she’s ‘revolting’ when she goes to the swimming pool?

Would only bother me in that a change in her level of modesty at her age is potentially a sign of cognitive decline.

Sorry i am with you. If i was a guest in a house wouldn't dream to do it. I don't care how young or old you are, how comfortable you are in your own skin.
You are a guest in someone's house, wear pajamas dressing gown ect when in someone's house. To the people saying its the same as swimming costumes its not. You do not go outside in your underwear. I am with you on the bra too but i am a person who wears it the whole time and cant understand how people say its so uncomfortable. I be a bit more brash than you and i would be like come on now where the rest of your pajamas - But then no one has ever don this when staying in our house so

@SchoolTripDrama

revolting?! Really? Why?

As for the person who was horrified at somebody coming down to breakfast with the audacity of not wearing a bra...! (I'm assuming they were not actually topless)

I do think it's weird that this has just started, OP. Is she showing any other unusual behaviour? As people have said, lack of inhibition can be a sign of dementia.

Going swimming and being in pants at someone's house are different things. At a pool, you go from changing room to water, there are other people around. At a house, you're sitting around on chairs, etc. A half naked person with a good reason to be half naked (eg swimming) in a public place is different from a needlessly half naked person in someone else's private home. And a swimming pool is designed for people in costumes, everything is rinsed off etc - different from a half-naked botty on your entirely porous and rarely cleaned sofa.

Urgh that’s grim.
It’s reminiscent of my FIL’s dressing gown situation - that thing is like a mini skirt. There’s only so much geriatric leg you want to see, and the fear of it accidentally flapping open is real!!

I bought him a nice warm long one for his last birthday - so hopefully won’t have to endure the trauma again when we next visit. Why don’t you just buy her a nice dressing gown?

I've not read your other thread but this wouldn't bother me at all. I guess it depends on what sort of a person you are. Seeing someone's legs doesn't bother me, whether they're 8 or 80.

Again, a swimming pool where you go for the purpose of exercising in water, is different to being confronted in your own home, at intimate distance, with other people in their pants.

But the term gross is what I find very odd. If they were unclean and had shit stains on their pants fair enough. But gross for being in underwear?

Well it doesn't does it. People can wear a thong on the beach and more arse would be showing then.

Ooh La La 😱

Did she perhaps pack all her jammies by accident and forgot she needed to keep some out for at your house? And doesn't want to say anything in case you think she is getting forgetful? Long stretch I know.

Could you buy her a nice nightie or some pjs and just say to her you got them because you worry about her getting cold when she gets up in the night?

And hopefully she'll just start wearing them!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Really wouldn't bother me, I go downstairs in similar, as does dp and dsd. Also go downstairs in bra and knickers if a dress i want is downstairs, no more revealing than my bikini

If you don't like it then tell her!

Can't see that it's grim/gross/revolting/🤢 though!

She's probably so used to being like that at home that she just hasn't thought.

A little old lady going to the toilet in her knickers and a T-shirt throughout the night is a bit different to her spending the whole day (which she isn't) like it tho isn't it? I still don't see the problem, sorry.

I'm no way a prude, but there's no way I'd wander round my DS's house in skimpy pants and a short T shirt If this is a new thing I'd be concerned
Bra less is ok
Perhaps DH could buy her one " as it's such cold weather at the moment"

Gross doesn’t just mean unclean. I can think of lots of people who could have just got out of a bleach bath and I still wouldn’t want close physical proximity with their insufficiently clothed intimate body parts.

Would you do it in front of your in laws though?

This wouldn’t bother me at all, if it was my teenagers or my Mil. Nor would another woman braless.
It bothers you though, and it is your house, so maybe say something ? I once stayed with my cousin’s granny (I was a teenager) and she stripped off down to just her pants to change. I was a bit shocked at the time as my own Mum didn’t do this, so it is partly what you are used to.

Well, she's never done it in your home. She's probably walked around like that forever in her own house. I'd never walk around anyone's home in any type of underwear, thin pjs, nor without a bra unless I had on a thick, baggy top. And if someone felt uncomfortable with the way I was dressed, I'd hope they'd tell me.

Maybe she's 'settling in and feeling at home'? TBH, if MiL lives alone I can see the attraction she may find to a home with other people in it. Living alone can be, well, lonely, and the hustle & bustle of 'family life' can feel good if one has had too much solitude. I wouldn't expect to live with my DS & DiL if I were to lose DH because I'd feel it an imposition. But I can see where I might like to as they live a really fun lifestyle.

I wouldn't so presume to say I know the situation at the OP's better than she does, but that her attitude to her MIL is fine certainly wasn't coming across like that to me.

I'm sure the OP is delighted to have someone leap so enthusiastically to her defence, though. Well done you.

Well here's the thing...she doesn't. Neither so I. Mainly because I don't want to share water with strangers. I don't want to see pwoplea arses in my house either.