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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

443 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 25/01/2023 13:07

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 26/01/2023 22:27

I couldn't put up with anyone wandering round my house in their underwear. DH and I do in our bedroom and bathroom but nowhere else. If we are downstairs we'd have pyjamas on if we weren't dressed.

PizzaEater54 · 26/01/2023 22:50

Personally I would just pick her up a cheap dressing gown and hopefully she takes the hint.

ensayers · 27/01/2023 00:16

Turn the heating down, or better still off.... Saves money and also encourages mil to wrap up during her midnight meanders lol

FTM2B · 27/01/2023 00:20

My MIL stayed with us through lockdown…meant to be a few days, turned into 10 weeks. Weather was lovely so she would come down in the morning with the skimpiest nightie, just past her bum, no bra, and sit and sun herself in our garden with a cuppa. The postie got a shock a few times. 😂 it made me uncomfortable as satin and braless not a great combo for modesty but it was a temp arrangement so I bit my tongue. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and it’s a longer term arrangement then you probably need to say something. Might be best your DH says it though!

AnnieSnap · 27/01/2023 01:34

NooNooHead1981 · 26/01/2023 22:21

One thing that had just crossed my mind I'd not thought of before... and it is a bit gross... is whether she is ahem clean shaven in her lady parts, and whether her garden is a well grown one? I mean, if it is, then maybe one or two might, you know, fall out of her pants and that's going to be you getting the dustpan to sweep them up...

😳😱

What is wrong with you? 🤷‍♀️

me109f · 27/01/2023 02:09

For heavens sake, if it bothers you mention it. It is your home, she will probably understand your problem with it.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 27/01/2023 03:00

NooNooHead1981 · 26/01/2023 22:21

One thing that had just crossed my mind I'd not thought of before... and it is a bit gross... is whether she is ahem clean shaven in her lady parts, and whether her garden is a well grown one? I mean, if it is, then maybe one or two might, you know, fall out of her pants and that's going to be you getting the dustpan to sweep them up...

😳😱

Are you ok? Like seriously?

CatsnCoffee · 27/01/2023 05:26

Is she just mirroring the dress code of other family members in your house? You would expect her to pick up on what’s appropriate in your home by seeing the way you all dress, but she may genuinely not be that aware or may be making a point about your self-confessed prudishness.

piesforever · 27/01/2023 06:22

English are such prudes!

RoseMadderAsHell · 27/01/2023 06:58

What a disappointment, I read the title and thought MIL was wandering about the house naked from the waist down.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/01/2023 07:06

mackthepony · 25/01/2023 13:10

Lol that's a bit much

My mil once came down to brekkie without a bra

Now I know she's French and all that but blardy Nora

I presume you mean she was completely topless, hence your reaction - if you mean she simply wasn’t wearing a bra underneath whatever top she had on, WTF does that have to do with you?!?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 27/01/2023 07:26

piesforever · 27/01/2023 06:22

English are such prudes!

Some.

ChubbyMorticia · 27/01/2023 08:50

I think at the end of the day, she’s a guest in your home, and is making you uncomfortable. Tell her she needs to be dressed.

T1Dmama · 27/01/2023 09:03

I don’t think it’s gross or vile…. No
idea why people get so offended by a pot a legs….
mHowever it’s your house and if you don’t like her wandering around in a nighty then you just need to politely as her if she
could maybe put some shorts on or a dressing gown. ….. I wish my house was warm enough to walk about in nothing but a nighty..
I’d also ask her what properties she’s looking at this week, remind her (or get DH to) that this is a short term living arrangement.

Mumgonenuts2020 · 27/01/2023 09:05

Is she living out of her suitcase, perhaps you can pick her up some pyjamas or a dressing gown perhaps.. she sounds like she has a good figure to wear a short t shirt.. 👍

thenovice · 27/01/2023 09:15

Mine used to stay at ours and she used to sit on the loo for a number 2 leaving the door OPEN.
Nuff said.

Passthechocolatesplease · 27/01/2023 09:24

I’m with you OP I wouldn’t like it at all and I don’t think it’s being prudish to say that.
I can see it’s difficult to say something though, would she take offence if you bought her some loose fit pj bottoms and asked her to wear them when walking around the house, she can easily slip them off to go back to bed.

melj1213 · 27/01/2023 09:30

Unless you're going to reveal that you're all naturists who walk around the house naked but are expecting your MIL to be fully dressed at all times YANBU to be uncomfortable with a guest wandering round the house in their underwear at "normal" times. Nipping to the kitchen for a glass of water at midnight or to the loo at 3am when nobody else is awake is fine in your underwear; going to the kitchen for a glass of water at 7pm or to the loo at 9pm when everyone in the household is still up and in communal spaces is not.

Essentially your MIL should be treating the house as a hotel, in so much as she can do what she likes in her room but should be appropriately dressed in communal areas - if she'd wear it to walk to reception in a hotel then it's fine for communal areas of your home; if she'd put more clothes on to walk to reception in a hotel, she needs to put more on to walk round your home.

At home, pretty much as soon as I walk in the door, I get out of my clothes and into loungewear (unless I know I have to go out again) and if it's a week where DD is at her dad's then I will often just get out of my clothes and then wander round in my underwear, doing household jobs etc before having a shower and putting on some clean loungewear.

However, whenever other people are in my home, or I am in other people's home, I would never dream of wandering round in my underwear. If I leave my room and go into communal spaces I cover up with either a dressing gown or throw on some joggers. I do this to make everyone comfortable - I don't want people seeing my underwear and I doubt they want to see it either.

Hmm1234 · 27/01/2023 09:30

My own mother often does this and I find it gross she wakes up and starts pottering around in her t shirt and undies like she’s at home and I always say something like urghhh why have you got no clothes on. You should try that!

Jinoclock630 · 27/01/2023 09:45

Turn the heating off and buy her a lovely fluffy dressing gown and some slippers ☺️

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:49

Surprised our DH is apparently ok with this. I guess a it was normal to him growing up?

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 09:49

*your

newnamethanks · 27/01/2023 10:41

Less focus on MIL's breasts and more on your bowl of Weetabix mackthepony. That will help you out.

MrsMikeDrop · 27/01/2023 10:56

Buy her some cute shorts? At least when youre old the bonus is you no longer give a f what anyone else thinks ...

MadMadaMim · 27/01/2023 11:22

From your posts and threads, it seems the really challenge is you don't want her living with you and need things to justify your negative feeling towards her /the situation.

You come across as not t liking her very much at all.

And yes, YABU. She's 75 FGS and has had to move in with family, one of whom makes it very clear they don't want her there, after leaving her comfortable familiar home.

You sound awful, TBH. Not about the underwear thing - your house, your rules - but generally the way you talk about her is horrible.