To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

[BillHadersNewWife]

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

Yes. You’ve phrased that like you want to start an argument…

It's doubly jarring because she's imposing on your home & you are feeling suffocated by her long term presence.

Next time it happens "Gordon Bennett Jean, put some trousers on, no need to walk around half-clad."

Sorted.

I wouldn't want my mother in laws genetalia to be just a few threads of cotton away from my eyes.

YANBU.

And a swimming costume is much more robust than knickers and worn in a place where it's appropriate.

Interesting comparison the swimming costume.
I paused when I read that and thought actually maybe I am wrong, but on balance I still think what the OPs MIL is doing is a bit inappropriate. When I’m staying in someone else’s house I really cover up, it’s the only time I think I wear a dressing gown, just because I’m in another persons house and you should be considerate and a bit more conservative than you would be at home I think. I often have breakfast without my bra and undies on, but I’m at home and my nightie does finish under my bum, but if I was staying with the in-laws it’s full pjs and dressing gown…just seems more polite to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why exactly is that revolting? Because of her age?

Would you say the same if it was a 30 year old SIL? Thought not!

Go easy on her. Maybe she's scared of finding a moth in her PJ trousers.

I mean I would feel complimented she felt safe and secure enough. To be honest I wouldn't be arsed it's a normal human body isn't it? Would you react if you went to the pool swimming and she put a swimming costume on? I think this is more about you not wanting her there so find everything she does offensive.

😂

I just wouldn't look at her. I have three adult DD's. We don't wear bras in the house. We can be in different stages of undress (as it used to be in old style communal changing rooms). You just don't look, as you'd expect her not to if you breastfed in front of her.

This would annoy me so much.

DH needs to present her with a dressing gown and tell her that every is comfortable with her state of partial dress.

If she wants to walk around half dresses, she can fo that in the new house that's long overdue.

You have the patience of a Saint!

Ahhh revolting!! Someone has their legs out!!

Fuck sake

@KettrickenSmiled I have no idea what's wrong with bra less but I do know women that won't even go bra less around their male partners so it's definitely a thing. My SIL is one who never goes braless and sleeps in a crop top. She breast fed 3 kids so we have all seen them? She just never feels relaxed. I go braless in front of my in-laws all the time because I'm at an age where my comfort trumps everyone else prudish sensitivity. Sorry father in law

Why a 'dressing gown'?

Wouldn't bother me, but it does you, so ask your dh to say something. 'I don't particularly want to see your knickers, thank you very much' with a smile, but never jokingly - I find 'joking' aka being passive aggressive rarely lands well or achieves the desired outcome.

At least you outlined the steps of your massive leap. Funnily enough, I don’t want to see any of my relatives in my home in their pants - of any age. It’s not her home, she should cover herself up if people are uncomfortable. We don’t even know how old she is. OP could be 18, with a MIL who had her DS at 18 - so 36? Without any indication of age beyond that she has a son who’s married, how are you assuming age is the reason? Have you seen Jennifer Aniston’s body recently? I’m in my 20s and she looks much better in her pants than I do.

Had it occurred to you that your assumption that her age is the problem is what’s actually ageist here?

If you drop your glasses and bend over to pick them up, no one wants to see an anus, age irrelevant. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just curious as to what you wear to bed......nightie done up to the neck and down to the floor? Tshirt and knickers are pretty standard nightwear, and so long as she is just popping out to pick up a drink or go to the loo I really don't see the problem. If she is sitting in common areas then dressing gown is the norm.

I'd draw the line if she started wearing a thong

Wouldn’t bother me tbh. I’d be pleased she felt comfortable enough to walk around like it my house.

Do you synchronize your night time trips to the loo?

I would have no problem with her knickers - I thought from the thread title that she was flapping her fanny around.

At least she has knockers on - I was picturing a middle aged Winnie the Pooh

This! Don’t look if you don’t like it. Stop winding yourself up.

And got the posters who think it’s shocking to walk around the house with no bra - mine comes off as soon as I get in from work!

I wonder if you would mind if she was 20. I think it’s common to find old people’s bodies less appealing, but we really need to stop it.

This is 110% for your DH to sort out. He needs to think of how to say it tactfully, not you.

I never wear a bra. Is that not allowed?